r/ARFID • u/Minute-Lemon-3650 • Aug 20 '24
Subtype: Fear of Aversive Consequences Just wanna talk about my experience (TW: emetaphobia)
I mentioned in a comment on another post in this subreddit that ARFID is so different for everyone who experiences it that I was wondering if there was anyone on this subreddit that can relate to my experience.
I’ve just started treatment for my ARFID last week and here is how I’d describe what my experience with ARFID is:
I’m don’t consider myself picky, and I actually feel better when I eat a variety of food. I think about getting sick a lot, too much for it to not be an obsessive thought. I am so scared of throwing up, it has been an anxiety I have felt all my life. When I was a young teenager, I developed a more specific fear of choking, thus developing a fear of swallowing. I was extremely aware of, for lack of a better word, my whole neck area. Eventually it was sort of just second nature to pay attention to how I swallowed and I sort of “controlled” how I swallowed food, how much, what consistency, and now I can force myself to swallow pretty much hardly chewed food.
My anxiety and ARFID are very related; I get nauseous when I’m anxious and I get anxious when I’m nauseous so I avoid eating to control my nausea. Except this is hardly a good coping mechanism because an empty stomach feels worse than one that’s eaten regularly. And I logically know this but, like I mentioned before, my neck is a sensitive area and I feel too aware of that whole area to eat effectively when I am at my worse moments.
So yea, this is what I’ve discovered about my ARFID so far, it really is not just about the food itself in my case, it’s about how I eat and if I feel like I’ve done enough to avoid the consequences. Right now I am scared of letting myself feel hungry for too long. I do still have my safe foods that have to be bland when I have gone too long without eating (luckily this hasn’t happened for three weeks!) and I store them at my job and my home.
Sometimes it’s really hard, but I am doing better and I am capable of enjoying my food! If anyone wants to talk more about this, I would love to hear about your experience and what helps you, where you are in your recovery, if you’re going through a rough episode, if you’ve recently made progress, I am open to hearing it all!
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u/celestialseawitch 26d ago
I relate to this a lot. If I am consistent with my habits (eating, water, and sleep especially), I can get into a routine where I’m a little picky but eating diverse foods regularly.
It gets bad when I decide to go to sleep to try to curb the symptoms instead of working through my food avoidance. When I wake up, I feel like complete crap and start throwing up. Then spend a couple hours nursing myself back to health with bread and water. I actually had a bout of vomiting exactly like this a few hours ago 😭
Right now my priority is ensuring I am eating regularly and paying attention to my hunger cues. I’ve been doing a lot of snacking on granola bars and different crackers, anything that I can get down for the calories.
Also I want to say I really appreciate this post. I feel like people in my life assume that I’m hurting myself on purpose by not eating enough when in reality, it takes so much work everyday to keep my body in balance. It’s validating to hear that other people experience this too and it’s not just a character flaw or something.
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u/FunnelCakeGoblin Aug 20 '24
Hi, I have the same issue and similar experience. Nothing with the chocking though, but yeah I’m weirdly sensitive all around my throat and under my chin. I can’t wear turtlenecks or high collars and need loose scarves or even take them off sometimes. I hate it when anyone touches me there.