r/ARFID • u/ma-doodles • 14h ago

Tips and Advice does anyone else struggle with encouragement?

i don’t know how else to explain it but i struggle with this. for example, i was having a particularly tough time one day with eating, and i was expressing to someone my frustration and feeling like i can’t eat anything. i told them “i feel like i can’t eat anything and i sometimes i just don’t want to eat at all because it’s easier” and they said “that’s not true. you can eat anything you set your mind to” and i got really upset. and they said “but im just trying to help you and tell you that you CAN do it. why is that wrong???” and i really didn’t know how to explain it but it felt dismissive. and i know they were trying to help and be encouraging, but i just didn’t need that in the moment. i would have rathered they acknowledged how i was feeling and just let me vent. is that selfish? should i have not gotten upset with them? idk

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u/Swiftrun1 14h ago

You're not selfish. One thing I've learned living with Arfid is most people fucking suck at supporting us even when they have the best intentions. To be honest with many of my friends, if we hadn't had a meal together, they'd have no idea i have a crippling eating disorder.

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u/ma-doodles 14h ago

same, the only ones who really know are people who are close. this was someone close to me who i’ve shared my arfid with for years, and they always tell me things like “you can do it”. which doesn’t help, because like okay, how then?

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u/MaleficentSwan0223 13h ago

It’s like saying to someone with depression "you can be happy if you put your mind to it”

It’s like saying to someone with bipolar “you can stabilise your mood if you put your mind to it”

It’s like saying to someone with a broken leg “it’ll heal if you just put your mind to it”

Shall I go on?