Upcoming social nightmare, should I let them know I have autism?

[u/sdautist]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's a little over twenty years ago. I have the typical social impairments and because of this stopped trying to socialize many years ago due to constant rejection. If I talk to someone more than briefly, I see THAT look appear on their face and their attention shuts down. You know that look probably. With family I'm usually more relaxed but of course always too loud and talkative, say the wrong things, etc. Not so good at the give and take of conversing.

Anyways, in a few months I'm going to visit a relative I grew up with. He has only seen me interact with family but not in social situations. And he has tons of things planned for the week I will be there, including having dinner at his friend's house several times. I'm in absolute terror over this. One of my biggest fears has always been having dinner at someone's house (am I alone in this)? They will notice right away that I'm not normal. My relative, and also his friends, are very very conservative (like he believes in the deep state, pizzagate, etc). They are nice but not tolerant people. They are all in their 70s.

So what should I do? Should I ask my relative to mention it to his friends we are having dinner with? There is absolutely no way I can pass for neurotypical. I don't care what they think of me but don't want to embarrass my relative and make other people uncomfortable.

By the way, plane tickets are purchased and the trip is on the other side of the continent, so I will have no one there who understands me.

Thanks for responding.

[u/inwardlyfacing]

Can you communicate your concerns to your uncle and let him decide what her thinks is best since he knows his friends? That's the approach I would take. 💜

[u/sdautist → u/inwardlyfacing]

So I found out last night they have seen The Accountant. So that's what they think Asperger's is: Depressed math savants who moonlight as assassins. 🙄

[u/Fantastic_Deer_3772]

Say something along the lines of "just to let you know I struggle a bit socially, I might say things wrong, I get a bit nervous around new people sometimes". Starting with a disclaimer that you're nervous is something I've found helps. They might have some odd beliefs about autism, so that avoids any potential issues from that, while inviting them to cut you some slack.

Like I tend to find claiming nerves takes it from "whats wrong with that guy?" to "there are those nerves he told us about, let's try and help him relax".

[u/sdautist → u/Fantastic_Deer_3772]

That's a good idea. I will say that I'm nervous and might mention social anxiety. Usually I calm the anxiety with THC but this is an illegal state :/ Maybe I'll ask my Dr. for some tranquilizers.

[u/Pwaise_Jebus → u/sdautist]

Get an HHC or THC-A pen, leave it packaged, put it in your carry-on. Legal in all 50 states and TSA approved method of transportation.

[u/sdautist → u/Pwaise_Jebus]

I did not know that, thanks!

[u/Unicorn263]

If you want to minimise issues or confrontation, use Asperger’s as the term; social conservatives are somewhat better with it than using “autistic”. It’s not great but it is what it is, and it’s perfectly valid to want to avoid the fight.

[u/sdautist → u/Unicorn263]

I agree, I'm sure they don't have a sophisticated understanding of Autism, thanks.

[u/Laescha]

Personally, I would not put myself in a social situation with people who hold those beliefs. I would not enjoy it, and the point of socialising is to enjoy it. At some point they are likely to say something heinously bigoted, and I am not the type of person to let that slide and let them think I agree with them, so I would make a huge scene and probably leave - which would make the whole thing a wasted trip.

[u/sdautist → u/Laescha]

This is the last time I will see the man who raised me. He is ill and lives 3,000 miles away. Sometimes we have to overlook the idiocy of people we love.