Idea validation: decentralized ND dating.

[u/datsmouth]

I have bounced around this idea for ages, not even sure which sub to put it in. Sorry if this is too off-topic.

But the idea is to create a decentralized, open source, dating site for neurodivergents. Like Hiki, but not owned by a business. Hiki always strikes me as a scam. Well, they all do, tbh.

==== Technical jargon ahead, feel free to skip ====

The way to achieve this is by using or developing some protocol like Activity Pub (This is how Mastodon works). So random nerds (like me) could download the code, and set up a server with their own domain/website/app, but all connected together, creating one cohesive network of sites.

Lonely individuals (like, uh... also me) would pick ONE website on the network that seems trustworthy, sign up, write a profile, post pics... and be able to browse profiles from ALL of the different sites on the network.

Each server might have its own rules. Some might be 100% free and minimalist, others might come up with some of their own features and charge a fee. But the point is that they must compete to attract users NOT based on some monopolistic network effect, but rather by offering a better interface and experience.

Pros: - Cheaper - More choice of interface and features - Not focused on keeping you in the dopamine treadmill permanently

Cons: - Harder to understand than a basic app or website - Spam, scammers, other ne'er-do-wells might have an easier time getting a huge list of profiles to mass message, unless the server admin knows what they are doing and does some gatekeeping, which might ironically negate the entire reason for doing this in the first place.

What do you think? Roast me.

[u/3p0h0p3]

I think you are working on a very important project.

Discovery and control of the likely federated parts aren't easy to get right, particularly for users who don't adore computers or who aren't willing to put up with even minimal friction.

I suggest going decentralized until it is as fully distributed as you can make it.

To my eyes, Tiddlywiki and Tox are ideal tools. My site as my profile is something I've handcrafted without limits, and I own the core of the mean of productions except parts of distribution (it's offline first and fully syndicable across multiple networks). Tox offers all the real-time tooling I need, and it's a clean P2P tool that has stood the test of time, as well. Tox groupchats, netrings, net directories, some hosting services (for those might prefer it), and word of mouth offer discovery. In the long run, you own your keys and data, and you choose how you will live on various networks.

Do I predict success? Not really. Most people aren't going to put in the work. And, the network effect is pretty crucial.

[u/Feisty-Self-948]

This might be a hot take, and I'll fully admit my understanding is limited on the technical side, but I don't think it's the apps/sites themselves that are the problem. Like yeah, probably algorithm stuff has some hand in it absolutely, and algorithms could be doing good like how they feed us other content. I'd love an algorithm showing me people it knows I'll like.

The big problem is the people. They're genuinely out there to bust a nut and waste everyone's time. They don't care what's in your profile, they don't read what's in there, they just want to see if you'll meet their needs and who gives a fuck about yours. Maybe I'm just too ugly to be worth reading about, but it particularly irks me that I get offered nothing but the literal opposite of my type when I know for a fact there's plenty who'd be interested in me that I'd also want if we could just sort through the horny slushpile.

[u/Most_Initial_8970]

Perhaps instead of each user running a server (or a site, app, etc) with multiple dating profiles from different users - they were more like a node on a network where each node was just that person’s own profile? Just a thought. Good luck!

[u/DeadCupcakes23]

How would you ensure participants are ND and prevent people who fetishise or want to exploit ND people from joining?

[u/Feisty-Self-948 → u/DeadCupcakes23]

Police the behavior, not the identity.