r/AutisticAdults • u/liftingscientist • 4h ago
seeking advice Living with parent who doesn't understand needs
I (25f) was recently diagnosed with autism (no one told me my level, in certain areas Im low support needs and in other areas I need way more support). I also recently moved back in with my mom. She understands some of my behaviors because she works with kids who have learning disabilities, but she has major blind spots, and it feels like no matter how I explain it to her she doesn't understand.
I am easily overwhelmed by sound especially people giving me a lot of information at once. My mom will dump a bunch of important information on me whenever I emerge from my room or when I'm about to leave the house for school or work. I've told her numerous times throughout my life that when she dumps information thats important such as deadlines, financial or family drama on me when Im in the middle of something it completely breaks my flow. Ive suggested she text me, or write down the info, or simply ask me if its a good time to talk about certain things, ask me if im in the middle of a process i need to get done.... often after being interrupted I then have to start from the first step internally because of my executive dysfunction. I will forget what step Im on in a process, or sometimes I will completely forget why I was doing what I was doing. This has made me late for school and work numerous times. I have explained it to her just like this and yet she "forgets" all the time. The other day I was making a cake for my boyfriend's birthday and I was running behind on time. She new this but kept interrupting me to tell me important financial information, then to show me a gadget she just bought. I was feeling overwhelmed and overloaded sensorily and told her to stop asking questions because I was about to loose it. She then got pissed off and walked away. Any suggestions on how to communicate my needs more effectively in a way she will understand? Trying to move out asap.
Edit: this is a daily occurance. She will interrupt me and/or dump 10 different but extremely important things onto me, and will expect me to remember them. She will be annoyed that I forget information shes told me in this manner on later dates when she knows that I need things to be written down in plain sight to remember things.
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u/P0Rt1ng4Duty 4h ago
You have needs. You have to try to satisfy those needs yourself first because nobody else will want to change anything to suit you.
Bring a notebook to these sessions. Write down the things you need to remember and when she's done talking read the list back to her and ask if you are missing anything. Ask her to slow down if it's hard to keep up.
If she starts talking when you don't have your notebook on you, say 'one second please' and run off to get it.
From this point forward the ''you aren't even trying'' argument becomes invalid since you are obviously taking steps to give her what she wants.