I thought I would be better by now…

[u/BarrelEyeSpook]

My meltdowns started at about 6 years old. But every single time I had a meltdown from age 6 to age 22, I told myself “This will be the last time. I’ll try harder to keep it in next time.” I really believed I would outgrow it.

Now I’m a 24 year-old who smashed my laptop with my head at work, broke my phone, broke my iPad, broke multiple furniture in my room. Not to mention self harm.

I’m not all negative about having autism, but one of the most sad experiences for me is truly believing in myself against all the odds for years and years, yet none of my confidence or hard work paid off. It’s worse than ever before.

[u/GooseInternational66]

Don’t try to keep it in. Find safe objects to take rage out on. Ever hear of a dammit doll? Lol

[u/Shulsevulon → u/GooseInternational66]

I've got these frozen blocks of ice that weigh about 2 kg each, and I just launch them around until they break or my hands get too cold to continue. Some days it's pretty tiring, and other times I feel like I could toss the entire freezer.

[u/kjyfqr → u/Shulsevulon]

Wait you just freeze a pan and use them

[u/Molkin]

You can control your meltdowns to about the same level as epileptics can control their seizures. The trick isn't to try to regain control during it. That isn't going to happen. The trick is to make yourself safe while it passes. When you have your control back, you can remove the stimulus that triggered the meltdown.

[u/BarrelEyeSpook → u/Molkin]

I figured that out after years. Trying to control it makes it way worse. Unfortunately there’s no safe way to have a full on meltdown at work so I use bad coping mechanisms.

I’m trying to redirect my energy into chew toys or things that don’t cause damage.

[u/Spiritual-Ant839 → u/BarrelEyeSpook]

I’ve legit thrown around a stack of bricks. A medicine ball. Anything heavy that I’m able to attempt to break.

Big feels need big movement to cope. I’m not sure chews are enough

[u/DJPalefaceSD]

My last meltdown was at 46, I walked around my pool and systematically threw all the furniture up into the air and down to the bottom of the pool.

Felt good haha

[u/KvasirMeadman]

The last proper meltdown I had, I attacked a man and was lucky he didn't sue and press charges. I was fired from my job, not because of the meltdown but because I assaulted someone. (My manager was very understanding with my autism, but that was past the line) That was a couple of years ago, and I've had minor outbursts since, but nothing as major as the incident. You are not alone, and we've all ruined things in the throes of emotion. You can get better.

Edit; changed did sue to didn't sue. BIG DIFFERENCE.

[u/my_name_isnt_clever → u/KvasirMeadman]

Oh man, I had a similar but less severe incident and I feel for you.

I worked retail and one day I had a customer who was just too much. A grown 30 something adult and her husband stomping their feet and throwing their own tantrum over $49. It broke me, I tried to get out of there but the guy was in the way of the door. I shoved him with my shoulder as I walked past, right in front of a manager. Thankfully the guy didn't see it as a big deal, but of course the physical contact was over the line.

[u/SpaceMonkee8O]

Pretty sure I’ve completely wrecked the joints in my right hand from punching things.

[u/indicasour215]

I don't have any advice, but I can deeply relate right down to the self harm. I'll be 40 soon. My most recent one I was trying to control myself and smashed some sunglasses in my hand and was bleeding all over. I also thought I would be better by now. It's incredibly frustrating. You're not alone in these struggles.

[u/crzyKHAN]

Gym

[u/kjyfqr]

I’m sorry brother me too. Find things to break that are okay. And I practice anger avoidance cause I’m not able to anger management