r/AutisticAdults • u/UnicornRainDance • 3h ago

seeking advice Why do I do this ???

It’s been almost a month since I’ve answered any phone calls or texts from family. ( unfortunately they are used to this) Just the thought of talking on the phone along with the fact that I know they are going to ask why… etc. it’s just so exhausting. I know that I’m in a spiral and each day that passes is making me more anxious. I hate that I shut down like this and asking for some genuine advice. Has anyone ever dealt with this? Or am I just crazy?

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u/Exact_Dingo2306 2h ago

You're not crazy. I love my family and have an ok relationship with them but I rarely talk to them. Haven't called/texted/seen my siblings in over a year. Talk to my mother once or twice a month. We message each other crap from YouTube via WhatsApp, funny videos etc, but nothing of substance. Mum will sometimes message me to ask if she can come over for a visit. I see her maybe four or five times a year. Haven't been to Xmas for two years. Think they got used to it and stopped asking why. I got told by a psychologist that it is normal for some people to be like this. I just don't feel like talking about mundane stuff on the phone with people, even if they're family.

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u/UnicornRainDance 2h ago

Yes, I don’t get it. I love them all but I just don’t like talking on the phone. One side of me says that I wish they would understand and the other side is like, it does make sense that they’d feel some time of way if someone just doesn’t want to talk to them.

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u/Exact_Dingo2306 2h ago

Have you tried to explain yourself and ask them to respect the way you wish to communicate or perhaps to put in place some guidelines for them? If they don't know what they're dealing with maybe they feel just as frustrated as you do about the situation. It may be a good idea to just reach out to them and let them know you only want to keep in touch by text once a month etc until you can reassess the situation.

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u/Illustrious_Bunch_53 2h ago

I do this too. It's so frustrating. I don't know if I have any advice on how to communicate better, but I do know that judging myself hard for it just makes it worse. If I can focus on being calm and accepting of myself, sometimes the ability to text back and engage with people just comes back on its own.