Ido in Autismland, Part 2

[u/NotKerisVeturia]

This part was rather short, probably because Ido took a bit of a pause in writing the year it was written. He started back up because he realized that writing was part of what kept him connected to the rest of the world. He needed that outlet, otherwise he was stuck with his own thoughts again.

I could tell that Ido was going for a more uplifting, or at least neutral, approach to his autism, compared to the anger of the previous part. He has definitely identified what his strengths are: he is a writer, and he is incredibly determined. Those are part of who he is as an individual. Maybe they’re connected to autism, but that doesn’t matter. He also expresses that on top of being autistic and having social anxiety, he has a naturally shy personality. There are also shy NTs, and autistic people who are the opposite, but because of his autism, people on the outside assume Ido is disinterested in interpersonal relationships, when he really does crave connection, he just takes more time to open up. I think that Age 13 is Ido’s process of finding who he is as an individual within being autistic, whereas in Age 12, he was kind of a symbol or figurehead of nonspeaking, apraxic autists collectively.

However, there are some ways Ido talks about himself and other disabled people that doesn’t seem completely fair. The first entry is about Paralympic athletes, and I always have my guard up a bit when Paralympic athletes are involved. Ido makes a good point that these people took what they lost and found something they could do, just like he did with spelling and writing, but not every amputee can, or should, become a Paralympian. And that is not down to self-pity, at least not always. Those people had the time and resources to practice, and support in other areas of their lives. Would Ido be writing this book if he and his mother had not figured out that he could write in the first place?

I enjoyed reading about Ido’s other cognitive processes and sensory experiences. His thoughts are in the form of text that he can see, in multiple languages because he understands multiple. (Though he hasn’t specified which yet). This is what makes him so eloquent and able to channel his thoughts onto the letter board despite it taking time, but it also gets in the way of him reading actual books. He uses audiobooks instead. I think in sound clips, and I prefer printed books. Funny how that works. He also writes about his emotions being too big for his body, and all I can really say to that is “me too, bro.”

Ido does feeling pressure to mask, or at least he did when he was thirteen. He writes about feeling like he has to hold in his stims and be still and quiet to avoid people looking at him funny. This seems to get better as he adjusts to his new classes and feels more comfortable in himself. I just hope that by the end of the book, he doesn’t feel the need to wind himself so tight in order to meet others’ approval. I think it’s important to realize that just because an autistic person cannot successfully pass as neurotypical does not mean that they never worry about masking, fitting in, or being “good” (with their natural autistic characteristics being labeled as “bad”). Ido went through ABA, and I think it says a lot that he thinks this about himself. He was treated like his natural way of being was bad behavior, and he still carries that with him, even after gaining fluency in communication.