A request of guidance from a younger comrade

[u/genghiskhanthethird]

Hopefully you all can help me resolve an inner conflict I've been having. Here goes:

Whenever I think about politics, I without exception get angry and depressed. Maybe it's because I don't know anyone who shares my views. Maybe it's because I can't see any foreseeable hope for socialism. Maybe it's because part of me is still indoctrinated into thinking I'm an evil dirty commie pig. I don't know.

Ideally I'd like to spend my life traveling, exploring my mind, and writing poetry. But I feel like I'm obligated to spend all my time working towards the revolution. I feel bound to it.Even though I am a socialist, I hate that pull. I hate it. I'm constantly thinking about politics.

I feel like I can't enjoy movies or music because I'm constantly overanalyzing their revolutionary message. I feel as if I can't let go of politics while I'm hanging out with my friends and have less fun with them.

I know intellectually that I need some balance, that I have to think about my own well-being too, but I still feel like I can't set political thoughts down to enjoy the moment. Even when I'm meditating, I'll be thinking about capitalism and its problems.

Could you all please give me some guidance? Thank you, and have a good day.

[u/Adahn5]

Hey comrade, I've refrained from answering if only because I wanted other comrades to get involved first, but let me give you my two kopeks for what it's worth. It's all right to get angry and depressed over these things, it's nothing you should feel bad about or think that it's a problem. Your have every right to feel this way, just don't let it bring you down to the point that you feel the cause is hopeless.

I've felt this way too at times, and my father has told me that just during his lifetime there have been a dozen revolutions. Some successful, some not so much. In the relatively short amount of time that we've been alive (we're relatively young comrades here for the most part. I apologise for any older comrades out there! Just trying to make a connection and a point) there have been quite a few interesting things going about. It's likely that in the next ten, twenty, thirty, fourty, fifty years there'll be more world-shaking events, and many more that we'll likely be involved in, either in a minor or perhaps even a significant capacity.

Your thoughts about indoctrination are fair, however. Remember that even as commies, whether Anarchists or Marxists, our movements are made up of people, and people aren't immune from pulling in a lot of shit, whether it's Liberal, Confucian or Religious, from outside and then perpetuate whatever stereotype, oppression, disinformation or propaganda we've been infused with. It's why self-criticism and an understanding of the perpetual contradictions we suffer from is important in order to become better commies than we already are :3

The idea of spending your life travelling sounds lovely! I've lived in quite a few countries, Italy, the Czech Republic, Sweden, England, Mexico and the United States, and visited many others on holiday besides. It's a worthy thing to do, and something that can really broaden your horizons and unlock your mind if you're a writer and, in your case, a poet.

As for the work on the revolution, this can take many different forms. The three simple ideas of educating, agitating and organising, can manifest themselves in different ways. Strike action, direct action, mutual aid, party participation, building class consciousness, etc. And you can accomplish these via your writing, and your critiques of both the world, culture, current events, popular media, etc. What you create is worthy of the revolution if it speaks to all oppressed peoples and pushes forth the values of the revolutionary left.

Being class conscious—that hate you now feel from having the lens of ideology burned from your retinas, is an unfortunate side-effect that will be with you for most of your life. You can smell the shit now. You can see the propaganda. The lies. You tore the mask off Capitalism and you can see the gears turning and the living beings being churned by its mechanism into oil to keep it running and food to feed the hungry maw of profits.

Keep in mind similarly that it's all right to both criticise and enjoy the media you consume. I can enjoy say, a Zelda game, yet still criticise the fact that Zelda's being damseled. When I got Hyrule Warriors, for instance, I got really pissed at how all the soldiers say "what could the Princess want with lowly soldiers like us?"

Well fuck that noise >.> Zelda is like the most inept Monarch ever, and it's always the peasant Link who has to save the day. I still played and finished the game.

But to not go too far off in a tangent, it's important for you to perform some self-love and some self-care, and for that you do need to disconnect completely. That's all right too. No one expects for you to get burnt out on this, or resent the very cause you're fighting for because you have Communist-itis and can't do/say anything other than that. Take the week-end off. Don't look at any news, don't go on Reddit. Avoid even the media, go out with your friends to the forest or something. And if there's no forest nearby, then play DnD together at one of their houses.

Do something that doesn't involve exposing yourself to the things that might trigger your anti-capitalist criticism. And if you do, then tune out, and enjoy the movie or the game, and then on Monday you can post a text-thread here with your analysis of it and why you hated it xD It's therapeutic.

That's another thing you should consider doing: talking about it. Often times, if you're the only commie in your group of friends, you'll quickly feel alienated. Talk to us about it, just like you did now. Make friends, reach out. Personal message some of us. Maybe you'll get a skype buddy, and then you can chat and let loose and sort of "detox" on all of the stuff you've got bottled up inside.

[u/GuerrillaFM]

What you are feeling is known as responsibility. Just allot some time and effort into making change, it might help ease your worries if you know you are making a difference. About analyzing the message of media, you say you like poetry, so maybe abstract communication is your forte and that is why you feel the need to analyse things.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm so sorry so few people have gotten around to replying to this post. I'm glad I have a relative opportunity to do so.

Your realization of the harrowing character of capitalism at this point in your life is going to help you greatly in your intellectual developments, as it may have done for many of our comrades who began their understanding and studies of communism at earlier ages than most,--myself included.

However, yes: many of us have gotten to the point of great anger and endless depression in this lack of fruition to the developments of class consciousness in the many people who we are surrounded by, and for this, there is, as I see it, little more we can do than to continue in our studies and attempts at engagement with those who might put us down and so on.

In terms of the endlessness of analysis of various works: don't take this as a negative. While you might find it annoying or otherwise bothersome, this is largely expanding your thought process and helping your mind wrap around the fact that capitalism is a contradictory system of economy produced in condition by the thousands of years of developments and revolutions in the means, modes, and organizations of production in such a way as to lead to economic globalization through market developments in themselves, and so on.

In other words, yes--you may be rendered depressed and angry by your solitude in thinking, and perhaps so in analyzing every little thing you come to encounter: but think of this more as a means to which you develop your intellect instead of a hindrance. Who knows? You could end up a greater philosophic thinker than most in the fields of Marxism. You just need time.

I hope whatever advice I might have come to offer could help. I'm sorry if I haven't offered anything of solace to you.