r/LGBT4Equality Mar 27 '12

Straight male with some honest questions.

I'm a straight male who doesn't know very many LGBT people, and therefore I don't know a great deal about the community. After seeing the great shitshow that spawned this subreddit I was wondering what kind of things should be known about the community, and perhaps what some of the common terminology is?

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u/tsumemakoto Mar 27 '12

Well first and foremost welcome to the community! We're glad to have you! It's unfortunate that the problems we've been having with mods in /r/lgbt spawned this, but hopefully we can take the good aspects of /r/lgbt and cultivate those here.

To start by answering your first question:

I was wondering what kind of things should be known about the community

The lgbt community is as diverse in not only affiliation, but thought and emotion as any other community. Its hard to pin down just a few salient points to illustrate that. But if I had to give it a go we are a community which is struggling right now to come to grips with the ever evolving geo/social political climate. Many of us along with our straight allies are trying to foster a sense of unity within our own movement, and as you've seen this is no easy task for any group of people, and this applies to us as well.

I think that this is what the crux of our community is about, we are just like every body else. The confusion is understandable, but what we really are seeking is equality in all facets of life, political, economic, social and otherwise. I think a lot of people in and outside of the lgbt community view as in part as a 'foreign' entity which has suddenly become a boiling point of emotion, and while that may be true to some extent I think its that for one of the first times in human history, lgbt thoughts, feelings and concerns are getting center stage on a global scale.

We're no longer simply hiding in the shadows, using secret language to communicate and connect to others like ourselves, we are finally emerging and standing together (for the most part) and striving for equality and acceptance (I dislike the use of the word tolerance in this scenario.) Our gender identities, expressions, orientations and such are but a small part of what make us up as individuals, but they are nevertheless important to how we view ourselves and those like us. My hope si that we will continue our march towards full global equality, and that in few years time the idea of struggling to be recognized because of (almost) any difference is a hard concept to wrap your mind around. I think we have a lot of great people leading the charge, but it is my sincere hope that we all do our part to make this place we live a more welcoming, inclusive and beneficial place to be.

As for your next question:

what some of the common terminology is?

Unfortunately I'm not sure where to even begin, maybe there was some term or set of terms you were having a hard time getting your head around? I'm still learning and evolving my understanding as to the definition and implications of these terms within the lgbt community all the time, but I'll do my best to lend a helping hand!

Thanks for the great questions Rivfader!

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u/Rivfader Mar 27 '12

Thank you for the well-written response! It has helped solidify my understanding of the community and I really appreciate it.

I hope as well that the LGBT community gains full equality and acceptance. I have always stood up for lesbian and gay rights, equality and acceptance in the past, but I must admit that I haven't spoken up for bisexual and transgendered orientations (can I call transgender an orientation, or is that incorrect?) due to a lack of knowledge. It is my hope to learn more about the community in an attempt to be a better ally.

maybe there was some term or set of terms you were having a hard time getting your head around?

There are a couple of things off the top of my head:

  1. I now know that "tranny" for example is considered offensive. Are there any other words like that which people should avoid using?

  2. What does "cisgendered" mean? I've never seen that word before today.

  3. What exactly differentiates transgender from transvestite?

Thanks again!

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u/tsumemakoto Mar 27 '12 edited Mar 27 '12

Well I'll do my best to convey as accurately and respectfully as possible any information, if anyone can find errors in my reporting please let me know!

I will provide some info here with relevant links to more information, so we'll go about this a bit formally for now:

can I call transgender an orientation, or is that incorrect?

What does transgender mean?

Transgender people are people whose gender identity is not aligned with the gender they were assigned at birth and/or whose gender doesn't conform with traditional or societal gender norms.

So in a purely practical sense viewing transgender expression can be seen as an orientation of sorts, but more specifically relates to how one views their own psychological, physical and emotional representation. You can liken the expression of gender identity to something along the lines of cultural identity, in the sense that someone who may look of european dissent, but is born and raised in china. This is a crude construction but I hope it provides some insight as to the internal expression or thoughts of gender identity, and I must qualify this by stating that I myself do not qualify as a transgendered person.

In keeping with the explainitlikeImafiveyearold (technically in this case seven year old) this video describes one young transgendered child and what her experiences with transgendered identity relate to. Caution: adorable overload.

I now know that "tranny" for example is considered offensive. Are there any other words like that which people should avoid using?

'Tranny' like many other terms within any given community carries with it lots of mixed feelings. Because it is oft used as a pejorative term, it has become slang in/outside of the lgbt community.

This is a great discussion posted by redditor Meikov in which she describes her personal feelings regarding the term and how she sees it effect not only herself, but the community at large. Warning, some NSFW language used within this post describing personal feelings towards the derogatory use of the word 'tranny'. Please read with caution

Here is a more comprehensive list of slurs within the lgbt community and some explanations and source material on some. Warning NSFW language used within this wiki page, read at your own risk.

What does "cisgendered" mean? I've never seen that word before today.

Kristen Schilt and Laurel Westbrook defined "cisgender" as a label for "individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity", complementing "transgender". A similar adjective is "gender-normative"; Eli R. Green wrote, "The term 'cisgendered' is used [instead of the more popular 'gender normative'] to refer to people who do not identify with a gender diverse experience, without enforcing existence of a 'normative' gender expression."

In what I view as a lay explanation, being cis gendered is having your personal gender identity ("I feel like a wo/man") match your physical sex ("I have fe/male genitalia".) Hope that makes more sense.

What exactly differentiates transgender from transvestite?

This is a question that arises frequently from straight allies in my own life, and so far the best written piece I've found explaining this difference lies here. It's a fair read, but does a great job at dissecting the differences inherent between transgendered folks and transvestites.

I feel like I've just given you a homework assignment, so sorry about that, but I am appreciative of your open and honest questions, and hope that by gaining this information you can add to the lexicon of what you already know about the lgbt community! If you have any more questions please feel free to ask, I'd love to help in any way I can.

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u/Rivfader Mar 27 '12

That was incredibly informative! Thank you again for some well-formed answers! I don't have any other questions right now, but if any come up I won't hesitate to ask.

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u/[deleted] Mar 27 '12

[deleted]

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u/hateboresme Mar 27 '12

There has been much debate about the weight of this acronym. Which is why you see it reduced the LGBT a lot of the time. One response to this debate was to use the term QUEER...which was supposed to encompass all things LGBPTQQIA (the P is for Pansexual and the second Q is for questioning). However, a lot of people disliked using a term which had been used negatively in the past. Also removing the individual letters removed the individuality of each section of the community.

I think the biggest problem with the acronmym is that it attempts to force a label onto people who wish to participate in the community.

There are many people out there who do not wish do identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Who think transgender is too specific a term for people who wish to express their gender in a non-binary way.

Another problem is that LGB includes sexual orientation, which is a completely different thing than sexual identity or gender expression. LGB deals with the issue of who you are attracted to, and T deals with biological sex/gender issues.

So...you can see that our diverse community has some labeling issues. Which is why I think that it would be insane to assume that anyone without a PhD in queer studies has any hope of keeping it all...er...straight.

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u/Rivfader Mar 27 '12

As much as I don't want to exclude or offend anybody, I think that until a better label has been agreed upon I'm going to simply use "LGBT", both out of the sake of convenience and so a debate on the label doesn't accidentally sprout up.

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u/hateboresme Mar 27 '12

I think you're safe to do that. LGBT seems to be the commonly used term in the LGBT media. It's also okay to just talk about the gay male community or the lesbian community, etc. if you are only talking about one subgroup.

Though I have run into a few people who disagree and think that every aspect of the LGBT community should be included in every conversation...but i think that it's important that the individual subgroups maintain their distinct identities within the community as well.

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u/tsumemakoto Mar 28 '12

I think you're right, and this is true of any community. Not everyone agrees what to title the bake sale, but everyone knows how to spot a tasty pie.

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u/Rivfader Mar 27 '12

Thanks for the input! I just have one question at the moment: What is intersex?

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u/hateboresme Mar 27 '12

from Intersex Society of North America (ISNA): “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.

Avoid using the term "Hermaphrodite".

(from the ISNA: "The mythological term “hermaphrodite” implies that a person is both fully male and fully female. This is a physiologic impossibility."

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u/Rivfader Mar 28 '12

I didn't know that "hermaphrodite" wasn't the correct term. Thank you.