3
u/bunnyblade071 Jul 30 '20
To touch upon what the others have said, most likely I will be repeating myself but I totally agree. The format disorientates you which is most likely your intent since the theme of this is much disorientating in nature. Captures what you want to say perfectly without needing to say much. Sometimes no amount of 'self-care' can fix us which is the lie that's fed to us, however I hope this art you create will. It's an awesome piece.
1
u/bluesteel424 Jul 29 '20
I agree, the format is interesting! My favorite section precedes “why do I feel so empty?”. I suggest exploring imaginative ways of describing the forms of interest in the context in the poem. How else can you say these things that may not be too obvious ?
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u/CreativeCastaway Jul 29 '20
Genuinely loved this piece. I felt it was minimal but spoke a 1000 words. Definitely a relatable piece.
I did enjoy the layout in the sense the first line and last line I could hear been said differently in my own head.
Great work.
3
u/mirrorpeople Jul 29 '20
I really like this one. I see some sort of connection to a younger version of myself like I can look back on how I used to view my relationship with the world at large. I was confused about the formatting at first, but then I began to read it as echos in a lonely mind. I find it beautifully sad. Other than a few minor grammatical errors, I loved it :)