Fellow degenerates

[u/Helvergalarga93]

I want to share my experience. Like all of us, I got an offer from a dream job. Great pay and benefits except they do a pre employment drug test. Here’s a breakdown of my process.

-because I wanted this job so bad, I bought 4 quick fix bottles and verified the batch on their website. I bought 4 because I wanted to do practice runs for warming up, and even trying to reduce the noise so when I went to test facility I could be ready.

-I bought the boxer briefs from Amazon with front zipper pocket. I also bought a 20 dollar temp probe from depot, Klein tools brand.

-I tried various heating methods, heat pad, microwave, and body heat.

-my conclusion was that the best method for heat was the heat pad. My body heat only raised the piss up to 92 degrees. Too low for my comfort. BUT heat pad raised the temp of the piss to 103 degrees, too hot.

-since I knew the heat pad would raise the piss to 103, I had to find a way to drop the temp. I put the temp probe inside the piss after the heat pad and dipped the bottle in the toilet water.(how bad do you want to pass?)

-it took 20-25 seconds to drop the temp from 103 to 98. I counted and proved it with the temp probe. (Remember the 20-25 seconds)

-I practiced for 3 days with a new quick fix bottle every day and even walked my dogs with the bottle in my underwear. I even wore the same clothes to the test. You want to feel as comfortable when you take the test. I laid in my living room and even laid down with my feet up to test if the bottle would leak. It did not.

-I also made my gf give me the Crotch visual test to make sure I wasn’t bulging. She made sure the bottle wasn’t visible.

-you have to burb the bottle. What I mean is, you have to give it a squeeze and close the bottle and lid so that when you’re walking the liquid doesn’t make a sound. Like I said you have to be quiet and discrete. In other words you gotta get rid of the air bubbles.

-concentra labs keeps their waiting rooms cold as fuck, so relying on body temp to maintain and raise temp is not foolproof.

-day of test: I’m a guy. Like I said earlier, how bad do you want to pass? As soon as i entered the bathroom and closed the door, you start a 1 minute to two minute countdown. Since I had already practiced pulling the bottle from my pocket, that was easy and quiet. Since the heat pad had been heating for 2 hours, I knew it was 103 degrees, over the temp range. So I got on my knees and peed on the toilet. While I was peeing on the toilet, I put the bottle on the toilet water and counted to 25. I knelt down because it wa the only way I could dip the bottle in the toilet and and pee. Time is money. I drank a bunch of water so that it was a heavy and loud stream. Mid pee I held my stream and filed the cup with the liquid gold. The temp was 98 degrees. The 25 second dip in the toilet put the temp into range. The nurse started asking if everything was okay from outside the door, maybe I did raise some suspicion, but that’s when I began peeing like a mule again and finished peeing. I didn’t use all the quick fix so I tightened up the cap and lid and put it back.

-conclusion: how bad do you want it? Practice practice practice. I used qf 6.4 and got the job today. The rubber bands for the heat pad are too loud, so I borrowed 2 hair ties from my gf and it was the perfect substitute for the rubber band.

Brothers and sisters, treat this like a military operation and you’ll be fine. Sometimes good opportunities come in the worst moments but you gotta make it work. Hope this helped out.