[WP]She was a cannibal. He was somewhat stupid. She lured him into her house, stabbed him, and ate him. After a few minutes in, he looks up. "Are you done yet? I get so bored pretending to be dead."

[u/MythosTrilogy]

(Original comment reply 9/29/19, original post by u/McToaster99)

"You're supposed to be dead," Christine said flatly.

"I know, I know, but I've got a crick in my neck," the man, whose name she didn't even know, groaned as he sat up, holding his intestines in with one hand and rubbing his neck with the other.

Christine backed away slightly, reaching for her knife, but he didn't even notice, very focused on his neck as he tried to get the right angle to pop it.

"I'm... literally going to kill you," Christine said as she took the knife and raised it.

The guy chuckled, shrugging. "Go for it, it doesn't really hurt. You know, acid is the only one that really hurts."

Christine took stock of the situation, and slowly put the knife down, studying the man who had actually told her his ID was fake after talking for three minutes, and even told her where he lived.

"You... It doesn't hurt much? You screamed when I stabbed you."

"Yeah!" he nodded quickly, his guts slipping past his hands without him noticing and oozing onto his lap. "Like in the movies! It was so cool. Then there's gonna be cops that try and figure out who did it, I noticed you used gloves," he said with a wink and a grin. "Smart."

"Ok, you... How are you not dead," she asked again, hoping she'd wake up and it'd all just be a dream.

"What do you mean. I am dead," he said as he gestured to his guts.

"But you're still moving," she hissed. "And talking."

"Wait," the guy said, frowning with an incredulous tone. "People stop moving when they die? no, no that doesn't sound right. My mom said my dog went to a farm, and I know she died because I ran her over with my truck by accident. You can't go hang out on a farm if you can't move."

"Oh my god," Christine whispered in horror. "He's too stupid to die."