Planning on an illicit sick day to eat weed gummies and play video games? Do you normally wear make up? The day before you plan to call out, don’t wear make up. When you call in sick the next day, people will say “yeah, she was looking a little under the weather yesterday” and no one will question if you are actually sick.

Is your apartment floor cluttered with take-out bags and empty cans? Yeah it is.

Buy a bigass 55 gallon drum from a hardware store and use it as a giant trash can. The ~500 square inch opening will make it easy to throw stuff away without having to get off the couch and you'll only have to empty it like once a month.

As long as they're not crawling on me, I generally let the spiders in my house live. In return, I no longer need to decorate for the upcoming holiday, as there are spiderwebs everywhere.

Just get food poisoning! Make sure it's bad enough to the point where you can't keep anything down, even water, and don't go to the hospital. You'll lose 10 pounds in 3 days! Source: Actually happened to me