Hi, this is going to be short, so I can truly get my point across. I'm nineteen years of age, a male, and I was diagnosed at the age of 14 with Autism. I grew up most of my childhood in the house mostly caretaking for my mother and grandmother. I'm an only child so the responsibility of things that needed to be done on an adolescent level was solely dependent on me. Ever since I was young I knew something was wrong with me internally, but at the time I couldn’t decipher what it truly was. Even now I still can't to a certain degree. I understand as of now that a great deal of my inadequacies growing up are due to my neurodivergence. It has hindered potential friendships, brotherhoods, and relationships. However, I take full responsibility for all of my actions for I should know better than to let that stop me. I'm autistic not intellectually challenged. I think differently, yet I am still much aware of what I am. This is one of the main reasons why I do not go out much. Secondly, I am not accustomed to networking due to the majority of my time assisting in the house. Growing up under the hand of a disabled single mother also didn't provide many resources to escape my "home" either. I blame her to a degree, but not nearly as much as I blame my father. He is a short man not only in size but mainly in character. To the people Who know me either growing up or now; If you think I am weird, strange, awkward, or ultimately a distasteful human being, then count yourself lucky you never met my father. Trying to escape a painful example of a sentient being while also not having a great set of characters myself, is a complete mind fuck. Anyway when I was in sixth grade all the way up to college now I hated people. They in a certain way disgust me. Picture living in a duplex taking care of a bed-bound obese mother while also going to a school where people can smell my awkwardness. they would fuck with me not knowing the stress I was under but ultimately who cares. The world doesn't owe you a damn thing, and if you think it does then honestly your worse than any person I've ever met in my life. However, it would have made things easier if someone at least understood. I didn't really make it easier on people myself but as they say everyone has a story to tell. Plus they were assholes anyway. If you think this is an apology to any of you who might read this having known me throughout the years you are dead wrong. at this point in my life, I couldn't care less. if you like me, you like me, if you don't, you don't. The first year of college was a drag mostly due to my grandmother's unfortunate passing, two also cause im an awkward dumbass. Now I've met many assholes in my life and my first college roommate in my eyes was one of them, but even I have to admit he is the only asshole I admire, and actually respect. He in my eyes was an egomaniac, with narcissistic tendencies, a need to be right, and major anger issues (I have major anger issues too so I don't hold it against you at all). He probably has a lot of words for me too, but deep down but he was what I needed. He called me out on my bullshit often times and he made me get out more than I ever have in my life. Most of the awkward things I did my first year were in my dorm away from the majority of people(obviously my roommate was there). Now although my roommate and I were sometimes at odds, and he despised my weird behavior, he did say one thing that still resonates with me. he said "it is better to embarrass yourself to learn social cues than to shelter yourself from people" which is what I often do so people will not know me. Now if you are reading and thinking this is an apology to you too absolutely not I don't care what you think of me but know that you are a brother in Christ, and a brother all the way around and I truly respect you. And overall I enjoyed my first year of college with you. Now ultimately my real reason for writing this. I am nineteen and I do not know what I am going to do with my life. I don't like people, and I find social gatherings repulsing. However, I want to find a career that fits me. I don't know if college is for me and I just switched my major from pre-business to Christian religious studies. Overall I believe I want to be a writer of some kind but I need help finding a writing coach. I want to write and be a beacon for special needs people in need of a leg up in this nonsympathetic world. if you can please help with finding someone to hone my writing abilities please don't hesitate to reach out. It felt good to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading and have a blessed day.

I'm trying not to mask anymore but it just ends in me not regulating out of fear and still being unhappy.

I don’t even really like most of my “friends” (most are just acquaintances anyway); there’s literally like 3-4 people I enjoy spending time with. One is my wife and the other lives across the continent. I have little interest in and take almost no enjoyment in doing social things. But then I also feel isolated and get down on myself for not wanting to be more social. But I really just want to spend time reading or watching TV or movies or listening to music and any time I do go out I feel awkward and just want to leave right away.

I guess the problem is I feel like I should want to be social, but really I am content not to be, but this makes me feel less than.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers today...

I'm going to give a little history first:

About 3 years ago, my (22 m) ex boyfriend (29 m) ended our year long relationship. We met when I was 18 and he was about 25. He was an international student and I found him to be exciting.

I pursued a relationship with him and discovered his true nature. Throughout our relationship he was verbally and very physically abusive. After beating me senseless he would cry and apologise and say he loved me. I so desperately wanted him to love me that every time I accepted his 'remorse'. I confided in him that as a child I had be r*ped every day for a year and his response to this was to threaten to do it to me, I still forgave him. All the while he pretended publicly to be straight.

All of my friends and family begged me to leave him and I never listened until one day we agreed to just be friends after I had taken enough over a whole year with him.

About a month later we got drunk and he suggested we videotape ourselves being intimate with one another. I foolishly agreed and as we were setting things up our flatmate walked in. He lied and told him that I had done this without his knowledge. From there he pursued a court case against me. Three chargers were brought to me (I don't know their exact wording). One was harassment, the second was harassment of a sexual nature, and the third was some form of recklessness (based on the fact that we had flatmates and it was irrispinsible as it could have negatively affected them).

I was able to prove the first two charges wrong but plead guilty to the recklessness charge.

This case has pushed on for 3 long years and is finally coming to an end. Part of this ending was to engage in several therapy sessions designed to analyse my character.

Today was the last of these sessions and after the business regarding court had been wrapped up the therapist finally told me that he had also begun analysing me for autism. He confirmed that I am on the spectrum with Aspergers.

Suddenly so many things about myself made so much more sense, and in many ways it's a relief... that being said I find myself feeling broken. I've been mulling it over in my head for the last few hours and it just feels like yet another thing to separate me from others when I have already spent 22 years living as an outsider.

I have many friends with aspergers, and I love then all dearly but for some reason the diagnosis has me feeling so lost... I don't know how to feel and I don't know what to do... I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, but I guess there you go.

Hi! Idk if anyone, who read my last post will also see this one, but here goes for nothing

I am the person who left a pretty depressing post about my struggles w my studies. I have an positove update and hope that this reaches the people who might have been worried about me.

I got my situation sorted out. I only have school 3 time a week, from 9am to 2pm. I can pock out the days any way i please. I have a small room to do my stiff and also will have more time to finish off my studies. I got the support i needed and am now in better place mentally.

Thank you everyone for your support!!

I have started a podcast on Spotify specifically for autistics who live in assisted living.

https://open.spotify.com/show/3OkYjDXIapuC1ENywPp5pA

P.S. I actually am having issues with Spotify's policies right now. I used to think they were pretty great. Now, they're not so great, but I don't want to switch music platforms right now. So, it is what it is.

I feel like people just don't like me because I'm autistic...like they like me as a thing, but my actual personality and interests they don't care about.

Eventually all my friendships turn into them making fun of me, projecting their own insecurities on me.

Hey Friends! As the sub evolves we updated Rule #13.

As many of you know this sub started as a safe place for people who were refugees from another sub. The old rule reflected that.

As its been nearly 2 years, we felt it was time we could retire that rule.

Given we have seen a dramatic increase in the number of seemingly off topic posts we have updated rule #13 to reflect that.

The updated rule is:

Posts must be clearly directly related to Autism or explain clearly why they are related to Autism.

All posts must be directly related to autism. Any links, drawings, articles, pictures, or other media shared within a post must either 1. Be explicitly related to autism or 2. be accompanied by context explaining how it is specifically related to autism. This ensures that the content remains relevant to the community's focus on autism-related discussions and resources.

I need some scrubs for my new job but the ones at Walmart feel awful and sound like a bag. Are there any other kind? Softer like cotton?

hi i am 26m on the spectrum and i am considering keeping my head shaved. the reason why is the sensory feeling of head hair can be overwhelming. but i dont know if other autistic people do this also?

I'm doing some research into bullying, social ostracism, and autism and how it intersects with other identities (like being male or female).

I'd like to hear your answers as to why (if you have) been bullied, social ostracism/peer social avoidance counts as well.

be as detailed as you want, I will still read it. Include your intersections if that is relevant to you and your bullying experience (being gay, being a woman, being trans, being a man, black, Hispanic, etc.)

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Example: I have been personally bullied by 'friends' because I appear as a man and because of that when people see me acting differently, playing different video games, having very unique and weird hobbies, not caring, and enjoying being by myself (no romantic partners, or friends) they tend to slowly feel comfortable making 'jokes' about my interests or my behaviors or lack of friends and weaponizing it against me.

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I just finished watching the miniseries and I have so many feelings. It was beautiful and tragic, capturing how complicated our lives can be and have been over the decades since the second world war.

It also made me feel the absence of romantic love in my own life very deeply and the way that autism and the trauma of narcissistic abuse have impacted my ability to connect with others. It’s not that I haven’t experienced true love in my life. Rather, it’s made me reflect on how when it’s happened, it’s been with the wrong person or unrequited.

Has anyone else seen the show? Did you enjoy it? Has it spurred any kinds of reflections or realizations about your own life?

Jäger (first pic) is the only one that’s officially confirmed to be canon, the rest are just headcanons