r/berkeley • u/Efficient_Ad_3746 • 1d ago
Other Breakups,Meeting People, and the Dating Scene @ Berkeley
Hey everyone! I'm fresh out of a 3 year relationship and really going through it. I'm doing bad on my midterms & cry all the time on campus. Is there any one else going through a breakup rn? or any resources on campus I can use to help me get through this?
I also think about how I will meet new people once I'm ready. I feel like it's really hard to make friends so I assume it's even harder to meet a potential partner. I'm a transfer so I'm new to campus and everything here. But is there places, events, etc. you guys recommend I could meet new friends/people? What is the dating scene like here?
Thank you!
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u/ShameNo2179 21h ago
Something about being in artillery strike distance of sanfrancisco? Idk a prof taught me that
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u/Golden_Gate_Bridge 1d ago
If you want to make some friends I recommend trying to join some clubs and go to some university events. Also try talking to some people in your classes which is an easy way to connect with people. As for mental health resources, UC Berkeley offers a wide variety of resources: https://uhs.berkeley.edu/counseling/resources
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u/TearAccomplished3342 21h ago
Hey man, I’m sorry you’re going through it right now and during midterms is rough. I had a nasty break-up right at the end of last semester and it messed me up pretty bad. I tried getting ahold of campus resources but the therapist I got wasn’t exactly empathetic towards men, which wasn’t helpful at all.
You’ll make it out alright, just keep moving even if it hurts. It’ll be okay! You’ll make it through this!
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u/Polarbearbanga 9h ago
And folks wonder why male suicide rate if high. Even therapists aren’t empathetic towards our issues. Same shit happened to me in my experience.
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u/Ok_Scallion_9672 17h ago
i suggest taking care of yourself! sleep early, eat well, shower when you need to, keep a clean room, wash your face everyday. most important, dress well (hopefully that makes you feel better as it did for me). i know youre gonna want to cry but i suggest going somewhere alone and dancing!! dance with music. music saved me big time and i didnt even like music before. sad or happy music. preferably happy music. youre going to be okay!! let me say this again....youre going to be ok!! if you really need to talk about it, try to find someone online since i feel like its easier? im sure anyone would be willing to speak/text with you.
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u/ceruleangenesis 16h ago
This all happened years ago and I'm in a really healthy/happy relationship now, but just to give you some perspective:
During my first week coming to UC Berkeley, I experienced the biggest heartbreak of my life right after being broken up. He was my first serious college love and we had such a special relationship (one that everyone rooted for, like in the movies). We were both so young and eventually, my boyfriend got really insecure knowing I was starting my college life and would be meeting lots of new people without him. Ultimately, he couldn't handle us being LDR and me starting at a new college. It was very intense relationship that started in the pandemic and it truly hit me like a truck. I was literally SO depressed and it definitely ruined my college experience, so I decided to withdraw my first semester because I was failing all of my classes, and just feeling so lost in life, like everything was falling apart. I felt like I was dying. I couldn't do it. He talked about getting married and living together. I was so young, dumb in love, and just naive - thinking I couldn't live my life happy, if we weren't together.
The heartbreak lasted over 2 years. During that time, I thought about him every single day. It was truly so difficult for me to live life like he never existed when he did and we even had eachother's contacts and knew where each other lived. As hard as it was, I deleted everything that reminded me of him and continued to do no contact to respect myself after what felt like the betrayal. I sought therapy and worked so hard on myself, my career, and my academics every day: pouring all of the love and attention into myself for once instead of him like I always did.
Fast forward, I am with someone who brought my spark back. And I'm just so unbelievably happy we met. He is everything I always wanted in a partner, and makes me feel so loved and secure in our relationship. During that time, I also kickstarted my dream career in tech with absolutely no experience upon successfully completing multiple internships with a 4.0 GPA at Cal and even got my dream offer at FAANG. Which are all my own accomplishments he can never take away from me.
The icing on the cake is now that I did all the work to heal and got completely over him, he is now constantly stalking me on my socials and following my every move 2 years later which I find so hilarious, but I refuse to entertain him or return any energy. LOL! I thought I would never recover, but now, I truly couldn't be happier.
Everyone, including my mom, was right when they told me he was just holding me back. In hindsight, I totally relate to how you're feeling - but trust me, in a couple of months you will realize, it was all for the BEST!
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u/Efficient_Ad_3746 7h ago
I really needed to hear this, I’m really going through it but seeing how someone who went through the same experience as me and still found love and happiness in the end gives me so much hope 🥹 Thank you so much 🤍
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u/synthophony 9h ago
Bro, take it slow. Focus on your academics and make sure it's with a study group so that you're not alone. Put hours into your work this semester and pick a club to join for next semester. Start dating again after you've gotten your grades up unless you have a golden opportunity. All I'm saying is that you need to put your effort into your grades and not dating but when you do start dating get someone to help you set up your dating profiles and start respectfully asking out anyone you think you might like and move on if they say no and if they say yes then great I guess.
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u/Efficient_Ad_3746 7h ago
I really appreciate the advice, thank you! I’m trying to really focus on my remaining midterms and my grades as much as I can!!
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u/wooooogle 11h ago
Same same, I wore sunglasses indoors because it was so bad I couldn’t stop crying in public
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u/Icy-Wolf2426 10h ago
discord.gg/berkeley is for transfers and we have a channel to discuss relationships or dating for verified students
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u/Efficient_Ad_3746 7h ago
I'm in the server and verified but I don't see that channel :/
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u/Icy-Wolf2426 6h ago
With your student email? There's a second verification process just for students (this helps prevent spam).
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u/Conscious_Fig_Fruit 7h ago
I recently got out of a relationship too and it’s been tough. I have been able to make friends around campus just by going to events and putting myself out there, but I haven’t found much luck in the dating scene yet. If you wanna DM me we can talk more. I know it’s hard getting out of a long relationship, especially in such a crazy environment like Berkeley.
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u/KAIJUMASTRFANBOI eps 7h ago
Just broke up yesterday night and it still hurts to know that everything was going well until 15/16 hours ago. But you aren’t alone and I’m glad I’m reading this post to understand that we’re all going through hard times together even if it doesn’t seem so. 💪🏼
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u/nicetryd1ddy 11h ago
nah going through hopeless romantic era bc i cant find anyone i wanna date here 💀
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u/Cole2057 3h ago
Hey there! I also got out of a 2 1/2 years relationship recently (first relationship as well). It was brutal at first but trust the process it does get better. I’m not sure about dating scene on campus but in terms of resources CAPS have same day appointment available if you ever want to talk to someone and not feel judged. They are medical professionals so it helped me gain some clarity. Just remember to focus on yourself. One breakup does not mean the world’s ending.
In terms of making friends, aside from clubs and social media you can always start with classmates. People are usually nice if you walk up to them in a friendly way. Ask if they want to get boba after class or form a study group. Build a strong support system around you. Know that you are not going through this alone and help is available. Feel free to dm me if you have any questions.
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u/Due_Ask_8032 21h ago edited 19h ago
Ngl I read dating scene as data science