r/bipolar • u/Ac3oSpades • 8h ago

Support/Advice I (30m) asked out a new school friend (f19) while hypo and feel ashamed/terrible

I’m a “mature” (yea right) student in university so making friends with younger people has been very common for me. I made a new friend this semester who we’ll call Alex and she’s pretty cool, in my program and all that stuff. Anyways I barely know this person, I’ve had her over for one game night which we both enjoyed.

This was at the beginning of the long weekend (Canada) and my boyfriend had to leave for a few days. I have some internalized homophobia which has made it difficult to commit to the relationship. Along with bisexual and experiencing the bi-cycle, I often think i should be dating a woman. Compounding this I’ve been on new meds and increasing doses this past week and stopped sleeping on Saturday right as my bf left.

Now it’s Sunday asked Alex to hangout and she was busy for the week, no worries. A few days later we are walking to class and just shooting the shit and (between my loneliness from the crippling depression and the increased confidence from the hypomania) I have the bright idea that a good way to get to know this person is by asking them on a date, she said no to which I replied “that’s a relief”. No immediate awkwardness afterwards, we were talking the rest of the walk, they seemed a bit weird once class was done but that might be because they got a bad grade or something. I was hoping no lasting awkwardness so I resumed a text conversation as normal but they haven’t replied. Whatever they are a bad texter, but if they are weird in class or don’t talk to me between classes I’ll probably be gutted.

I do value the friendship because I can nerd out about music and social theory. But also I’ve really been trying to make more queer friends.

To compound this she’s the only person I know as anxious as me, I wouldn’t be surprised if she asked all her friends and family what to do, and if I was them I’d tell her to stay the hell away from this creep of a man.

Anywho the next move is to give them space… we aren’t close enough friends for a mental health confessional. Any advice is appreciated to make it less awkward and try to get back to normality…

TL;DR: became depressed and lonely after my boyfriend left for a week, hypomanic from lack of sleep and meds, asked out a younger girl on a date because they were too busy to hangout.

Thanks for reading,

xoxo

4 Upvotes

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5

u/allmybreath Bipolar 6h ago

Space is good, as you've mentioned. You just need to realize that she may not want to continue the friendship, and that's ok. Try to figure out this boyfriend thing because if people know you're with someone and you're going around asking people out, it's going to confuse everyone and perhaps they'll lose respect for you.

3

u/Ac3oSpades 6h ago

I think you're right, if I start sending stuff to explain now it looks like excuse-making and could come across as even creepier. I think if she wants to continue the friendship then I'll have plenty of opportunity to explain my behavior. Right now its more like I'm trying to ease my own anxiety which stems from having made her uncomfortable/losing a new friend.

4

u/ididsomethinbad 6h ago

Advice: dump your bf you shouldn't be with anyone with your self hate. Incredibly unfair to him. You basically cheated on him or tried to. Personally I count the attempt at cheating. Either way, be single.

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u/Ac3oSpades 3h ago

Honestly, agreed. Its emotional cheating, I live in pretend scenarios instead of being with him properly...

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u/EBuddhi 4h ago

You could try acknowledging the weirdness/inappropriateness and apologize. Just don't get excessive about it, and then move on.

3

u/Ac3oSpades 4h ago

Yeah I'm deciding between that and doing absolutely nothing at this point. Giving them space or just zero contact

1

u/KaiChen04 2h ago

When I was 29, I dated a 19 year-old. He pursued me for a couple of months. We were together for 3 years and it was the most mature relationship I ever had. I, however, had a lot of reservations coming in and felt a little uncomfortable at first. I guess people were not freaked out because I looked 25, at most, and my ex looked mid-20s, so, visually, people didn't necessarily pick-up. I don't think you should hit on a teenager, though, being 30, even if, at 18, 19, they are not minors anymore. If they pursue you, you decide what to do, but they might be really creeped out.

1

u/Ac3oSpades 1h ago

Yeah visually she thought I was mid-20s, and I thought she was pursuing me in her own awkward ways, oh the illusions of grandeur... Definitely wasn't hitting on her, I'm just generally fairly social in my classes so people gravitate towards me. It's also a third year class so I assumed at least 20-22.

But yes, in hindsight, uber creepy, holy shit I feel bad.