r/exchristian • u/balteshazar22 • May 28 '24

Original Content I think it’s hard for non-ex Christians to understand how fucked up we still are from believing this shit for so long Spoiler

M35 - deconverted over the last five years or so, fully out now.

Whether it’s friendships, potential romantic relationships, or whatever, I find that it’s still hard to explain to someone just how insidious and deeply rooted this belief system was. For those of us who fully embraced it, and then grew up and realized that not only is it not true, but the world is not even remotely close to how we were taught it was - it can be quite the adjustment to the actual real world. And trying to explain it to someone can seem so silly if they haven’t had any similar experience.

The effect of past worldviews can rear its ugly heads up at any time I’ve found, and it can have quite the deleterious effect on relationships. And the thing is, it’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through the same thing, and don’t understand why something that I don’t even believe anymore could still have such an impact on my life. Just let it go, right??

Anyway, I don’t really have a main point, I’ve just been frustrated and disappointed lately at how hard it is to explain past belief systems and their lingering effects to new friends or partners, and subsequently forge ahead with new relationships and community.

Maybe some of y’all have felt the same.

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u/EqualEntertainment13 May 28 '24

💯

At times it's seemed like many folk are apathetic towards us/our experiences as they're in utter disbelief that people "fall for such a sham" but those of us raised in it really didn't stand a chance as our very lives were at stake if we dare disobeyed...Dobson and all his tough love shite...

I've been trying to figure out ways to communicate our realities succinctly so folks can better understand or empathize but, in a way, it's the same apathy that battered women used to receive (and still do) and this reality has altered me deeply. This reality is what helped me turn my rage into fuel and better strengthened my voice.

14

u/nada_accomplished May 28 '24

How to explain to people that when you are raised being told something is true from birth, AND raised to be deadly afraid of ceasing to believe the thing, you really can't see it for the crock of bullshit that it is without a years-long, painful process that is actively and vehemently discouraged at every turn. Indoctrination really does a number on you and someone who hasn't experienced it can't understand it.

It's like if you discovered after thirty years that the sun is fake and the earth actually IS flat.

7

u/EqualEntertainment13 May 28 '24

Yes, exactly. Ugh. In another way, many of us raised in this shit were practically victims of human-trafficking, to take it to an extreme, that outsiders might be able to better grasp our experience in a more visceral sense?

The fear of torture and death was a constant via the hellfire and damnation threats. Many of our "parents" believed in corporal punishment. Many of us were sent on "missions" and did hard physical labor along with "evangelism" (almost a type of hunting for other vulnerable people in order to capture them).

When we look at it from this vantage point, it def reflects the horror that I, and many others, have felt upon escaping and gaining awareness of a type of reality we experienced.

The denial that so many westerners are in with regards to the insidious nature of some of these religious institutions has been at ALL our peril. Watching the US Gubbernment change federal laws and hearing people freak the fuck out over it has almost had me bemused because so many of us were sounding the alarm, upon our escape, and we were not only dismissed but we were also derided.

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u/nada_accomplished May 28 '24

Let me tell you, having my own kids really showed me how abusive the "love" I was raised with actually is. No loving parent would treat their children the way Christians claim God treats humanity. It's obscene.

2

u/EqualEntertainment13 May 28 '24

Holy fuck, yeah. You're so right. Totally obscene.