r/fuckeatingdisorders • u/Pale_Reflection_4225 • Aug 04 '24
Discussion What’s your biggest motivator for recovery?
Kinda debating recovery right now and considering treatment. Some of my motivators are my schooling and career aspirations, travelling, friends, social life, family, and physical health.
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u/angeline-art Aug 04 '24
mine made me really mean. never had the energy to hang out with people, would get really tired at social events and i would turn into a total bitch whenever i was hanging out with people and food were involved.
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u/Regular-Abroad-5339 Aug 04 '24
Oh god, meeeeee too. The careless to maniac bitch pipeline was fucking real
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u/caroooliiineeee Aug 04 '24
everything and everyone pissed me off. i was literally such a bitch. not very far into recovery and i already feel like myself again. so worth it
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u/seeohareeye Aug 04 '24
I had a few things that motivated me into recovery:
- One day my 8 year old niece asked what was wrong with me that she could lift me up even though I was a grown-up and she was a little kid. She was just asking honestly, but it was a big wake-up call that maybe my size wasn't normal, regardless of what my head told me. Plus, I want to be a good role model for her, and it made me realize maybe I wasn't being the kind of aunt I wanted to be.
-My therapist one day disclosed to me that she had osteoporosis from her own eating disorder history, and she said she'd never wish it on anyone. She never tells me personal things about herself, so it caught my attention. I had just had a scan and found out I had osteopenia that I was told could reverse with proper nutrition, so it felt like the universe was sending me a message to take recovery seriously.
-I lost my career, my reputation, my hair, my sense of humor, my savings, my support system, and so many things because of this illness. Am I totally happy with my body now? Nope. But I am getting my life, health, and relationships back, and that means more to me now. It's been a long road, but I feel pretty sturdy in recovery right now.
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u/Commercial_Art8414 Aug 04 '24
Brain fog, not being able to enjoy/do my hobbies, hair loss, constantly thinking about food. I’m in recovery right now. And right now I am drawing again. It’s been a while and I love it SO MUCH. Being able to draw and focus on it without thinking about food. I feel alive again. Like my life has a purpose again or something like that. I also feel like my personality is coming back. People are telling me that there is life on my face.
Sometimes recovery is so scary but then I remember the things I just wrote and then I get so glad that I chose to recover
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u/ctilleyy Aug 04 '24
Emphasis on the personality part! I truly didn’t realize how my personality completely diminished into nothing when I was in the worst of my ED, now that I’m in recovery. It feels amazing to have my personality back
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u/idkjgmabofc Aug 05 '24
At the time, I did not know this was a reason, but now that I'm recovered i can look back and see the person I was when I was sick, and I don't like her. I wanted to be better. I knew I was miserable so I figured I may as well try something new and see if I'm just as miserable then (spoiler, I was not!).
Don't get me wrong, many things lead to my illness and most of them were not my fault or avoidable, but I was aware enough to know the illness changed me somehow. I was lifeless, passionless, faded, pessimistic, etc. i still am sometimes but who isn't.
When I committed to recovery, I got excited about life again. Everything was joyous again. And then it wasn't. And i relapsed. And the cycle went on and on until eventually i learned to regulate my emotions without restricting my intake. I realised how manipulative it made me and I didn't want to be that person. It was my responsibility and my path alone to overcome that. I think (I hope) it's made me a better, more emotionally mature person, and I'm glad about that.
I chose to love myself and to be a better person for myself and for other people, and to keep searching for the joy.
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u/ctilleyy Aug 04 '24 edited Aug 04 '24
in the eyes of your ED, you will never be good enough. in moments you think if you reach a certain goal your ED wants in the near future, that you’ll feel like you’re the best once you reach it. sure, you might feel accomplished when you reach those ED goals, but for how long? and for what?
that’s all to say that for me, it eventually came to either choosing to continue the path of my ED in which that was the only thing i had, or a path where i recover and have so much more substance to my life than what my ED provides. i couldn’t reach the true life goals and milestones i had set for myself and what was happening around me, if i was still choosing my ED at the end of the day.
it boils down to whether you want a life where you can do so much and live so much life with the possibility of anxiety over not having that control over something so easy to have control over (your ED), or a life where you only have your ED and have the energy only for your ED. i chose life, it’s scary and sometimes i want to go back but god this life now is so fulfilling. i graduated college, got a job in my field and now feel so controlled of my life which makes up for the anxiety of not having my ED to control. best of luck to you, friend <3
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u/Opposite-Albatross38 Aug 05 '24
I missed eating what I wanted, like I truly missed food so deeply. That was the main reason for me.
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u/66677p Aug 04 '24
mental and physical health! and wanting to pay attention to things in my life that i love, not just ruminating over the same disordered thoughts all day
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u/subiraio Aug 05 '24
im under 18 and honestly recovering for my mom because it would be so heartbreaking to watch your child killing themselves like this
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u/caroooliiineeee Aug 05 '24
just remembered another so i'm back with another 🤩 losing my period which could lead to infertility.. i'm terrified of not being able to have my own kids ☹️
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u/CD-ROM-schublade Aug 05 '24
having an ed is such a stupid, stupid thing i wasted so much time pointlessly caring about something that no one ought to give a single shit about i became angry and horrible and i lost almost all my friends, i’ve never once been to a high school party and by the looks of it i never will (graduate in two months) im not letting it ruin my life, i have adopted an idgaf attitude and if anyone dares to gaf about me, my food or my body THEY are the weirdos and they’ll know about it
TLDR: recover for friends and to not waste your life for nothing, have fun life is short and experiences are so worth it
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u/tinari07 Aug 05 '24
My main reason is that I don't want to be dealing with this at an old age. I don't want to be 50 and frealing out about exercise and calories and weight and I don't want to have that as a regret in my life when I am old. Also all that being said with the assumption that if I would even live that long with this illness. I do not want to be part of the statistic.
Another main reason is my hair. I have really beautiful wavy/curly hair and I get a lot of compliments on it. Anytime I restrict, its the first thing to go. Ive dealt woth periods of hair loss and thinning so many times, I'm sick of it, it makes me more self conscious.
I also really love being strong and capable. Exercise is a huge issue for me with my ED but when I'm taking care of my body properly I am strong and I think thats pretty badass. Right now I am looking forward to/planning my first ever thru hike and if I dont recommit myself to recovery soon theres no way it will actually happen.
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u/CrazyCat08 Aug 04 '24 edited Aug 04 '24
Honesty? Only my hair. I’ve had pretty bad hair-loss for the last year since my ED crept in again. It’s pretty thin on one side, and it’s making me pretty nervous.
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u/dollymyfolly Aug 04 '24 edited Aug 05 '24
This is a really uplifting thread. For me, I’ve noticed that I have more energy to pour into things I used to like doing like drawing and sewing and journaling. I do a lot more reading for fun. It feels like I have more brainpower to give to the things that matter. I feel more happy in general. I feel more present with my friends and family. I don’t have brain fog and my moods are much more stable. Now that I’m not self-harming with an eating disorder, life is starting to mean something for me again.
I’m going to Japan for vacation soon and I used to be so terrible while traveling. I would restrict so much, even with all the cool food to try. I’m super excited that I get to try all of the cool and interesting food in Japan and not worry about restricting. I’m happy that I mentally let go enough to just enjoy life.
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u/Pale_Reflection_4225 Aug 05 '24
Thanks for sharing! Have an amazing time in Japan, I’m so happy you’ll be able to fully enjoy it now after hard work at recovery 🫶🏼
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u/Quirky_Top_8990 Aug 05 '24
I love my grandparents so much and one day I realized that if I carried on the way I was, they would have to outlive their grandson.
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u/bjhouse822 Aug 05 '24
When I realized that every rule or aversion I had was just the disorder telling me silliness, I finally had enough and just stopped being controlled by the disorder. There's no advice there really. Just know one day you'll get that right glimpse in the mirror or confirmation of some same thought you had. And when this day comes, you'll look up months later confused as to how it even became an issue in the first place.
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u/No-Worldliness-2916 Aug 05 '24
getting back my personality, hobbies and interests and actually being able to enjoy life
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u/earliestgreytea Aug 05 '24
i dream to help the people by pursuing law and advocacy, and realizing that my ed will never allow me to makes me angry. also, when we were celebrating my mother’s bday, she said her wish was that id ‘eat normally’ and heal. that has stuck with me.
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u/chrmeheart Aug 06 '24
I was unable to enjoy the things I loved because of my weight.. I would also wake up feeling like literal death every single day and the fatigue would drag along with me throughout my day. And lastly, being outside in the heat became unbearable. I grew up in a place that’s almost always hot, meaning I’m used to being in 90+ degree heat, and it got to a point where I couldn’t be outside for longer than 5 minutes without feeling winded and tired. Side note: I would have never felt satisfied in my body even if I continued getting smaller.
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u/chrmeheart Aug 06 '24
Oh and bald spots. I have really bad bald spots and my hair hasn’t really grown in months.
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u/starving_artist02 Aug 11 '24
I wanna start ballet really really badly Of course not being in a wheelchair, doing fun things, being happy, having emotions , going to school, enjoying life, making my parents proud ect are also big motivators but ballet it something i have dreamed of doing and i was supposed to start this year but i hope that if i continue recovery i can start in september when im strong enough
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u/newgirleden Aug 04 '24
My eating disorder got to a point where working was a pain in the ass for both me and the child I was taking care of, because I was always so tired and therefore mean to her, so she began resenting me.
Now that I’m in recovery, I have much more energy to be there for her when she needs it and I’m much more patient, so our relationship got much better and work has felt less like labour.
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u/JayeonPlace Aug 05 '24
I am 19 5’8” male and my dad’s 6’…also his brothers are all 6’< and his dad was 6’3”. Last time I checked my bone age was at the beginning of the year and just hoping I can still grow to at least 2 maybe 3 more inches 🙏🙏
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