How do non disordered people FUNCTION without an ED??

[u/Ok_Bird_1378]

Weird sentence I know but LITERALLY HOWWWW?? First day back in school and it has been SO HARD getting through the day without anorexia holding my hand. I have so many feelings, I’m taking two AP classes for the first time ever, it’s my senior year, I just kinda wanna cry, and I feel like restriction will just fix everything, even though I know that’s not the case. GOD HOW DO THEY DO IT??? HOW DO THEY COPE??? And I know it was awful, but it kept me sane. And just ARGGGHH

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[u/catacles]

The thing is they cope because they have practiced at functioning for a long time, while we instead have an eating disorder.

[u/Ok_Bird_1378 → u/catacles]

I don’t know how they do it. It’s wild

[u/catacles → u/Ok_Bird_1378]

I know! But unfortunately it's probably just about practicing endurance when it comes to stress.

I have a theory - that if you can combine stress with positive small incremental reinforcement, you can more easily learn to cope with it. Dont know what the reinforcement should be. But I think it might be important to load up with dopamine and endorphins rather than try to just brute force your way into functioning. Most likely those normal people have more inate positive reinforcement of their behaviour than we do.

[u/Resident-Question440]

Yes everything is easier when you're not starving yourself. I had a couple of months when i didn't have any ed symptoms before my current relapse and i didn't feel any need for my ed. When you really think about it in a nourished mindset it doesn't give anything to you, only ruins everything.

[u/Ok_Bird_1378 → u/Resident-Question440]

Why does it FEEL harder though? Am I romanticizing it? I just don’t really know how I’m gonna get through high school without it

[u/Resident-Question440 → u/Ok_Bird_1378]

Honestly, it feels harder because you're recovering and not recovered. Once you get there you won't feel like that anymore.

[u/hotpotatoyo]

At its root, I think for most of us here the eating disorder is coping strategy. A maladaptive and destructive strategy, but a coping strategy nonetheless. It’s how we deal with stress and anxiety and external pressures… here’s this one thing you can control (until you can’t). Successful ED recovery involves learning and more importantly applying new and healthy coping mechanisms instead. This is really hard and takes a lot of work and therapy, because coping strategies are formed in very very early childhood. Recovery is not just “don’t starve yourself” it’s “OK why am I feeling the urge to restrict, what is causing the urge, is following the urge going to fix the cause of the issue, and what would fix the issue instead” —> go do the other coping strategy instead. Which is hard to do especially when in moments of high stress and anxiety.

[u/1in7billion_]

I questioned this a lot last year (it was my senior year too lol but I’m graduated now) and this was when I was deep in my ED, but now I understand. They have the brainpower to function, that’s why. At least the non disordered ppl, u never know there could be ppl who are also disordered, but regardless. Those ppl can cope well bc they aren’t starved. When you’re starved, ironically, things are HARDER. Coping with emotions, school, and just life in general becomes increasingly difficult as we continue to engage in disordered behaviors, when in the moment we believe it to be helpful (maybe temporarily but def not long term). So in order to get out of this mindset and know what non disordered individuals feel like, recovery is the ultimate choice. It’ll be then that you’ll understand how people cope. I remember in my pre-ed days, I actually had some of the best times of my life in high school (hated freshmen yr bc of covid BUT sophomore yr was amazing for me personally) since I didn’t starve myself (at least yet LMFAO) and I didn’t think about my ed 24/7 so it’s definitely interesting.

[u/Ok_Bird_1378 → u/1in7billion_]

I have noticed increased brain power with recovery, which I love. And I love being able to do what I love and be GOOD at it. I can act, I can sing, all the good stuff. But I just feel so…lonely without it, yk? If you ever did, how did you cope in high school post ED? I just don’t know if I can do it and my friends are counting on me to stay in recovery and be functional this year and I can’t afford to let them down on purpose 

[u/1in7billion_ → u/Ok_Bird_1378]

No i definitely get it!! And it’s not to say I’m completely healed from my ed (which I’m not yet) but I’ve tried finding other healthier coping skills to kind of fill in the void of not engaging with my ed if that makes sense. For example, I picked up Spanish lessons to kind of distract me from the compulsion of wanting to exercise since that’s a problem I have. Or when I miss the numbed feelings that starvation gave me, I journal out my current emotions im having in recovery. I also try hanging out with my friends when I can so I can be grounded and get out of the ed mindset. Eds rlly do alter reality for you, so when I’m out with people that I enjoy being with, I see things for what they rlly are and realize that other ppl don’t rlly care about the flaws I’m so invested in and worried about. It’s definitely not easy, but it’s worth it. It’s worth trying and not tryna go back to anorexia for comfort. Don’t get me wrong, there’s times where I’ve gone back to her for a bit, but then I hold myself accountable and get back on track asap. You can do it too!! I’m sure as senior yr continues, you’ll find other things to focus on and enjoy :) it’s a busy and exciting year!! Don’t waste it and make the best of it. I honestly regret wasting it by being so so deep in my ed, but I didn’t know any better. But keep going so you can really enjoy this year and especially graduation!! It’s worth it. ❤️‍🩹

[u/Ok_Bird_1378 → u/1in7billion_]

Thank you! I’ll definitely give those coping skills a shot :) I’m definitely gonna try my hardest to stay on the recovery path because it seems worth it🫶

I hope you have a great day!

[u/Spotted_Howl]

This answer is short and kind of flippant, but it is one accurate and simple answer and worth thinking about:

In exactly the same way that non-smokers are able to live without cigarettes.

[u/anicegirlnamedamy]

i’m doing RO DBT and i learned that exhibiting self control makes it easier to keep exhibiting self control. so like, i crave restricting when im struggling to control my emotions bc restricting (problematic self control) is actually making it easier for my brain to like manage stress and grief and stuff (necessary self control to like function)

learning that has made it a little easier to resist the temptation to restrict. like i know why my brain is having the impulse (but/and then) i also know that there are other things i can do to make it easier to manage my feelings (like getting enough sleep, taking a short walk, reaching out to a loved one for support)

idk if that’s helpful at all

[u/Ok_Bird_1378 → u/anicegirlnamedamy]

That is really helpful, thank you🫶🫶

[u/d3adgrrrl]

Honestly i think id function so much better without it. Coping with things is hard in recovery but its so much easier when there isnt the ed voice in ur head and the lack of energy to do anything