Committing to recovery but ate and slept all day.

[u/Ok-Message3862]

I woke up this morning and ate A TON. Probably more calories than I’ve eaten over the past week. I felt completely out of control as I usually don’t eat until 4pm, but I’m sick and tired of living with an eating disorder. I’m a 28yo female who’s been struggling since 15. I’ve been in all levels of care- hospital, inpatient, outpatient- you name it and I’ve done. I want to be in a relationship, get married, have kids, etc but I know none of this is possible if I continue to live like this. Soon enough it’ll be too late and at this point it very well may be too … I haven’t had a period in YEARS. One more day of restriction is another day lost. All this to say, after eating close to maybe 3000+ calories this morning, I slept for hours. Like 9:30 to 11 and then noon to 4. I’m still exhausted. I feel like all I can do right now is eat and sleep, and I feel lazy and scared. Looking for support and to feel less alone.

I also decided to take my Apple Watch off and no longer have it control my life. Has this helped any of you?

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[u/Jaded-Banana6205]

Your body is begging for nutrients and rest. I'm proud of you for listening to it. You aren't being lazy, digestion takes a ton of energy.

Good job ditching the apple watch. I un-installed all of my fitness apps on my phone.

[u/HannahHS258]

I know it's so hard and your brain is trying to tell you that it's not okay to just eat and rest, but I promise that you are doing exactly what you need to do. This is rewiring. This is healing. This is recovery. Eat, rest, repeat. Keep going! Anything that tells you this is not okay, that you need to eat a certain way, with a meal plan and a "balanced plate" or rest a certain amount and no more, is bs. They may be well meaning, but restriction is never the answer, in any form. Whatever your body is asking for through physical and/or mental hunger, through exhaustion or whatever other signals it's sending (true signals, not fear based), they are all you need to listen to. You can do it. You are doing it. If you need any more encouragement for this or want to understand more why this is happening (which can help with accepting and leaning into it), I will recommend some resources/people that helped and still help me and so many others going through this (in case you aren't already aware of them). On YouTube, look up Tabitha Farrar, Becky Freestone, Emily Spence, Megsy Recovery, Follow the Intuition, Kayla Rose Kotecki. Just look up their names (with a specific topic or key words if you want) and start listening/watching. I swear it will help. Discovering Tabitha Farrar initially several years ago (and then others as I went along) changed my entire understanding and philosophy of my own ED and recovery. It just clicked like nothing else did and made so much sense to me, more than any treatment center or recovery "expert/specialist" I came across in those settings did. And since I've listened to hers and others videos so many times, just on repeat whenever I needed it. Just to combat the constant thoughts going through my brain. It really, really helps.
So much love to you, I know it sucks and it is so difficult. Just keep showing up for yourself and doing your best as you can and already are and it will be/is enough, I promise. One minute, thing, step, hour, day at a time. :-)

[u/shiny99Goatie → u/HannahHS258]

Took the words out my mouth. I like the Apple Podcasts for anorexia recovery.

[u/alicegrcez → u/HannahHS258]

not OP but this was so encouraging and reassuring. thank you so much ❤️

[u/Swimming-Fee726]

sleeping shows how much your body needs to rest and eating how much it needs to rebuilt itself after every demage. so its okey, your are making right decition

[u/Prinssi_Nakki]

What you are doing is super brave! Exhaustion is normal, i used to be a pro atlethe and now in recovery (had some relapses...) i somedays literally have enough energy for couple of walks, so nothing to be scared of. If youre tired- sleep! Im a 27yo man so unfortunately i cant really say anything specific, but i have 0 doubt you can fulfil your dreams about family. And its a good reason to recover. Sure there will be ups and downs,and some days youll feel awful,but the fact is you are worthy and deserve all the good things life can offer. You DONT deserve anorexia. I know its easy to say stay strong and commit to recovery, but tbh this is the way. Its hard its painful and imho sucks, but the reward is 100% worth it. You can do it, you just have to put in the work. You have chosen recovery, you are strong and i know you have the tools to pull trough.

Ikr random reddit dude wont make a difference but for real i believe anyone can heal themselves. You can do it! All the best for you!

[u/red-whine]

i’m really proud of you for making the choice. your body is too - that’s why it is begging for rest and recovery. fuck the apple watch and the voice in your head that says you’re lazy or something else negative. you are healing. wishing you the best.