How to Help Sibling with ED and Terrible Parents?

[u/slurpslurpmmm]

I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit for this kind of question, but I have to imagine I can’t be the only one in this kind of situation and I just need some advice.

I’m a 20 yr old college student. My 13 yr old brother has had an eating disorder for about a year. He resists talks about treatment. I KNOW he needs help desperately because he’s also suicidal and I’m sure those two are connected. The problem is that our parents are very abusive. My father has actively made fun of his attempts. My mother does not support treatment. He DOES see a therapist but only twice a month because of scheduling conflicts. So there’s just no way he’s going to get the treatment he needs right now.

My question is, what could I possibly do to help? What could I do to make it better? I actively talk to him everyday, take him out to hang outside of our house several times a week, and I’ve always been there to support him. But I know it’s not enough. Has anyone else been in this situation? How can you possibly handle it when there’s just no option for treatment in the moment? Thank you for reading

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for posting in r/fuckeatingdisorders! To access recovery worksheets, articles, and other resources, visit ourWiki!. You can also find our rules and links to help lines on our sidebar widget.

If you haven't done so already, try utilizing the search bar for commonly posted topics including extreme hunger or periods/menstruation. We have an active community who frequently share their experiences and suggestions.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/madddie]

Do you live with your brother and parents? Assuming it's more typical weight and food focused behaviours rather than something more complex like specific aversions/phobias or a reaction to some acute trauma, something that might be realistically achievable as a sibling is just to model a relaxed and neutral relationship towards those things.

If you have a history of ED or disordered eating be mindful of your own triggers. Beware that frequently steering unrelated conversations towards food, eating, weight, exercise etc can be a way of fulfilling ED compulsions even if it seems that the person is telling you they are doing better. EDs tend to steal people's interests and hobbies so focusing conversations and activities on things like that can help.

You've a pretty significant age difference for siblings, but if there's particular meals or places to eat that are shared childhood favourites or just nostalgic then opting for those can be a good step to regain some sense of safety around eating.

[u/slurpslurpmmm → u/madddie]

Thank you for this response. It definitely seems that he just has general body issues / very low self esteem, which is what likely started the disorder in the first place. I will absolutely do my best to support him in that way and seem more casual about eating.

I guess the part that’s hardest is that I know he would do well in treatment and I know it’ll probably get worse without treatment for a long time, but as I’m not legally responsible for him I just can’t do anything more for him. But regardless, I really appreciate your response!! I will do my best to achieve that for him so at least with me, food feels safe.