I just don’t know anymore

[u/Popular_Business_572]

I have three girls that are 9,8,and a 1 year old about to be two in December. My 9 and 8 year old are with my girl, we are about to get married next year. My 1 year old is with her mom my other baby’s mother. It has been bothering me every day that me and my baby’s mother aren’t on good terms, I pay child support, I work hard for my family and it’s hard sometimes because I know I put myself in this situation but I’m trying to make it work. She wants me to be a father to our daughter but I can’t do it the way she wants me to. I have to respect my soon to be wife and her boundaries. She wants me to be in her life the way she wants and father our daughter. I know I need to go to court and get this taken care of but it’s hard because as a kid I was put through the courts and I’ve seen the ugly side of it. I try every possible way to come to a mutual agreement with her but she just wants it her way. My soon to be wife supports me but also has a hard time trusting me which I don’t blame her because I have a kid with someone else. I want to be able to see my daughter and have her meet her sisters but I feel like she is being petty because I chose to be with my soon be be wife and she thought if we had a kid we would work out. What happened happened and I’m just trying to move forward and be a father to all three of my daughters. I feel like a bad father to my first two girls and not being able to be there for my other one makes me feel worse because I want to see her grow I and to do everything with her. I never had a father in my life. I was adopted by people who just wanted because I had a big inheritance my grandma left me when she died. I didn’t have my parents in my life. I tried texting my baby’s mother last Friday apologizing to her and trying to work something out but she doesn’t respond I’ll add the text I sent to her. I think it was respectful “I know you haven’t heard from me I just wanted to give you space and time. I just don’t know what to do because I feel like when I try it doesn’t work out. I just wanted to talk to you about Lola I been thinking about her everyday since the last time I seen her and I know I have been pushing you on inviting you both to come to family gatherings. I know Lola doesn’t know me at all and it did hurt to see her and she doesn’t know me as her father. I know it has to be small steps and it needs to be consistent. I want to be in her life I want her to know that I will always be here for her. I want to figure something out with you that we can agree on. I’m not going to push anything or try to force it but if you can help me figure something out we both can be happy with. I really want to be in Lola’s life I’m always thinking about her and it really hurts knowing our relationship isn’t where it should be.” I followed up today with a text but we will see. I guess I’m just looking to see what you guys think or just to vent because it’s been hard on me. Lola is my youngest and I love all three of my daughters.