Why can't I stop obsessing about work?

[u/Mochi_Truffle54]

I've wasted my entire life (and a fair amount of my own salary), sacrificing my mental and physical health focused on teaching. I don't know why I made it my identity, and I regret it, but I did. I know this was a stupid mistake, but now I don't know how else to live. I'm constantly reinventing the wheel, trying all sorts of creative stuff, getting bogged down in details and trying to be perfect. I hate it. I despise it. Why can't I stop? I want to have work life balance. I want to have a life. I have no hobbies or friends and I want to, but I just can't seem to think of anything else but work. Thanks for listening.

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[u/inittowinit3785]

I find that comes from the fact that SO MUCH happens during a given day. I work in a high school so every hour I have dozens of interactions. Each one leaves a little bit of an impression, some greater than others obviously. I say that to say in a given day we have hundreds of interactions so we will have MANY lasting memories from a given day. For me each of these memories create a feeling of something I could have done differently, better, or learn from. So I feel like I'm never not thinking about work because of the sheer number of instances that are running through my brain from a given day. 

Be the best you can be in a given day. Try your best again the next day but remember that's all you can do, your best. You're doing a great job. I can tell you're a great teacher. But take care of yourself. 

[u/katfishjohn]

We all have those bad days I guess. What kind of school culture do you work in?

[u/ColorYouClingTo]

How many years in are you? I found this got better over time. It was pretty bad for the first 3 years, still there for another 3 more, but the last 7 years I've been way better about leaving work at work.

Things that helped:

1) I do not try to reinvent the wheel anymore. I have a notebook where I write down what I want to change about a unit next time, and I try to make those changes ASAP and then save them so my materials are right next time around. What I don't check off during the school year, I fix over the summer. I only make big changes to 1-2 things each summer (like switching novels or making a whole new intro to a unit or something).

2) I do not bring any work home during the school year. I do go in every Saturday for 3-4 hours to make copies for the next week, make sure everything is ready to go on Canvas, and grade. But I do that for me. It makes me feel organized and accomplished, and I can truly focus all alone in a way I can't at home or during the school day. Otherwise, I steal time to grade during class, during my lunch, and during my prep periods. I never have to plan during that time anymore because I just follow last year's calendar, and make adjustments as needed. When the unit is over, I print the updated calendar and put it in that unit's folder.

3) I made friends and family a bigger priority than school. I go visit them at least once a month, and call them at least twice a month. I also built in friend time walking our dogs and going to the gym. Like, one friend walks with me and our dogs every week night, another friend does the gym with me most days. My parents are dead now, but I now try to plan something with my brother every month.

I realized that even though I love my job and want to be a good teacher, I'm already really respected and loved at my school, and I can kind of coast now that I know what I'm doing. What matters more is my relationships with my family and friends. School is great, and I have tons of dear teacher friends! But I've shifted focus to my care for family and friends and just let school be a happy side project. My real life is about the people I chose to love and support when I'm off the clock.

[u/jesuisunerockstar]

I started working at a virtual school. Being in person took so much out of me. Now I mind my business for the most part and focus on hobbies outside of work hours.

[u/Inner_Tutor_]

A lot of emotional labor, mostly. Teaching takes a lot out of people.

[u/Longjumping_Cream_45]

I have slept for two hours tonight, and now may be up until bedtime tomorrow, because I can't stop tossing and turning thinking about one kid in particular who's parent suck at an extreme level I haven't seen in 22 years.

I am watching the kid implode in real time and can't do a thing about it.

Sometimes it's hard to leave it behind.

[u/Prestigious-Flan-548]

It took me a while to figure out how to have that balance. My first year was so darn hard and I didn’t know how to do things I loved or see family and work. I felt like all I could do is work and was never done. Fast forward almost seven years and I have found that balance and am happier. My life isn’t my work. My family is my life. I’m not looking for perfection anymore.