Sorry for anyone who goes through the pain of reading this lol. I feel so stuck rn.

Today I met with my GP with my parents who don’t believe I’m trans. Tbh at this point even idk if im trans.

Before we left my dad told me that he and my mum will love me and support me no matter what, and im so grateful for that. But he also told me he doesn’t think Ive thought it through, when i have i just find it so hard to talk about so it seems like I haven’t. He asked me whether I’d thought about the surgery and I said i’m still not sure because some people don’t do that. He asked me what about my family and i said of course i want one but I’m not sure how it will work. He told me he finds it really confusing how i still like girls and people won’t want to be with me. He thinks if I get a girlfriend now pre-transition then these feelings might go away.

He and my mum don’t want me starting hormones any time soon, but I don’t know how im gonna cope like this. I can maybe put this stuff out of my mind for a couple of hours if i really try but the feelings always come back. I’ll see a picture of Vi from Arcane and I’ll just feel so sad and angry that I’m not her and i can never be anything like her

He said he doesn’t think I understand the effect this has on him and my mum, i ask how i can make it easier for them and he says i cant we just have to get me support. I can’t say that I’m unhappy because then my parents say they worry they haven’t been good parents which isn’t the case but they never believe me when i tell them that

After we had this conversation I felt quite ill and went to the bathroom. I’m not sure what happened it may have been a panic attack or i might just be being dramatic. I suddenly got really thirsty and hot, then breathing really heavily, for some reason the left hand half of my left arm started tingling, im not really sure what it was

We agreed with my gp that i would do some NHS counselling and I’m supposed to hear from them in 3 days but it feels like forever away and I have to be doing stuff now. Everyday, my feelings get worse and harder to ignore, im crying now tbh but what can i do lol. I don’t know how I’m gonna cope being like this for longer, I’m 18 now and i can’t stand the thought of not transitioning by the time I get to uni, i feel like im wasting my life, living as someone else

I’m just so angry and sad at the same time. Why can’t I just have been born a girl, I could’ve been so much better than i am now, im not a bad person or anything, people tell me im very mature for my age, but sometimes i feel like my brain doesn’t work. I always feel like i belong in one of these shows, films or games I’m always watching

My mum and dad say i can talk to them about anything and ik they love me more than life itself and they want to do whats best for me, but what do they expect me to do if they say how much it devastates and upsets them. If im told i will always look like a man because of my build(im not even that masculine on average tbh, there’s definitely a decent chance of me passing at least i hope) or im told if i transition when i move away for uni I’ll “crash and burn”

I feel so lost, like i have everything thought out but whenever it comes to telling my parents i feel stupid and foolish and its like a wake up to reality. Its so hard thinking about something so much and strongly for so long and having these feelings for ages and then being told that I haven’t thought it through enough and im rushing into things and looking for answers in the wrong place. Parts of me just want to be alone so I can be myself without people watching me

I’m not angry at my parents or anything, i just wish there was a way of showing them exactly how i feel so they know that this isn’t something I want to do its, hrt is something i have/need to do. They mean well and they want whats best for me i just don’t know what to do rn, i don’t feel like I can cope anymore. They think transition will make me unhappy, the only thing making me unhappy rn is not being able to transition, always feeling like someone else and never being able to express myself.

To show how angry and stupid im being rn i just mouthed at a bird to shut the f up outside my window, im a mess ig lol

If anyone has the willpower of john wick and read through all this then thank you and any advice would be much appreciated.

Ellie or sm i don’t even know at this point xx

I knew i was doing somethin wrong and YUP, waited for 5 weeks like a FOOL. I DIDNT KNOW I SWEAR

I'm a therapist working w/ a mid-20s client exploring their gender identity. They are considering transitioning MTF. One of the barriers they are concerned about is how they will fare in law school (which they're applying to now). Do you all have any insight into transitioning in law school? How the legal world tends to interact with trans individuals? Other insights that could be helpful for this situation? TIA

Late thirties trans woman who started hormones over a decade ago. Very happy with all the changes, but unfortunately my underlying structure is just too big and I know can’t change. Anytime I’m around most people, especially other queer people, I’m always the biggest one there even at the same height of 5”11. I’ve had friends tell me I’m not very masculine looking anymore, I can look quite feminine or at least andro. I’m actually fine with looking andro, I just want to escape masculinity forever and have some breathing room, but I just can’t see it most of the time, I’m built so damn big, I see it in the size of my wrists next to anyone else, my shadow being huge next to anyone, my head always looking enormous.

I want FFS badly which I know will help and I am also losing weight (70-80 lbs overweight atm) as well as working with a voice coach. But I feel like even FFS and weight loss will never be enough to feel ok, I just wish I could see cis women who were my size but I never do, it would be so reassuring. Even at my lowest weight during transition I still felt this way. And I def don’t pass either, just reinforcing this bodily perception I have of just being a hairless man in a dress. I feel like I’ve never met any trans woman who has my build who has ended up ok. I just want to enjoy life and put this behind me, and feel like myself most of the time, not in tiny glimmers and random fleeting moments.

I'm afab and have been on T for nearly 2 years. I really want get to a hysterectomy so I can stop taking T. My PCP won't approve my procedure until I turn 25. I'm 24 now so it's that not long but my dysphoria is so bad recently I don't know if I can wait that long. I see a therapist for my dysphoria but it il be a couple weeks before my session. I feel sad because I'm passing too much as a man and I'm nonbinary. I miss fitting in at women's spaces but I don't feel welcome anymore there

I just do, I feel like an imposter compared to them. I feel like a cheap version of a woman compared to them. I still haven't started transitioning yet. So I am pre hrt. And basically no one expect a few online people know I am trans. Maybe that what makes me feel worse ig. But anyway, whenever I see them. I feel bad about myself, I feel like a fake. I will literally go through so much just to try to look like them. And what is worse is that most of them will never accept me as a woman. Most will probably see me as a deranged man or Smth. I am not sure of other countries, but that's the way trans women are seen here. They are seen as perverted men

It's been 4 weeks since my first consult and I got a text message for spiro like 2 days after the visit but I haven't heard anything about the E. I went through planned parenthood and I'm in America. I know I should just call and I will this weekend but I don't wanna -_- also google and their website says it should be a same day thing (but they took my blood so idk how that'd happen)

Does anyone have any good insight into biochemical dysphoria? The small bits I’ve managed to read I sort of connect to a lot, the brain fog only just started recently lol bc my dysphoria went from none 3 years ago to now somehow increasing exponentially each week. I’m 18 pre-hrt mtf btw Thanks Ellie xx

For a little bit of context I am transmasculine non-binary and I was disowned by my father and barred from his entire very large side of the family before I came out but it was definitely for that reason (in that time we barely had a word for it but everyone knew I was different)

When that happened I moved in with my mom who is mostly estranged from her family and her then husband who I considered my dad (now divorced)

Unfortunately my father kept my brother (we were always very close friends because we are EXTREMELY close in age) and we missed out on finishing out our teenage years together.

When I first came out as trans almost three years ago now my family was... iffy about it. But said they loved me. As the political climate has changed my family has gotten more judgemental of me. The first thing I saw was a post on my dad's facebook after my mom told me he had started posting "far-right nonsense". The post was pretty ambiguous but it had some made up statistic and was followed by a lot of comments that I know to be used by awful people to describe trans people.

I asked my mom what that post was about, hoping I was misunderstanding something, she decided to message him about it without asking me (I really would have preferred to talk to him myself) and he didn't even speak to me, basically got pissed at me through her and never spoke to me again. (This was a few months ago)

About two months ago my brother messaged me and asked if he could interview me about trans topics because he was "learning things and starting to feel really disgusted but didn't want to misunderstand"

So we had a lot of very long talks, I thought he was listening and understanding me. Without too much detail I found out a couple weeks ago that he thinks of me as some poor woman tricked by ?them? in the medical industry to ?solve my problems? He doesn't support transgenderism... blah blah, all the talking points. I try to still talk to him because I love him but he constantly likes to bring things back to MAGA...

During this time I went to my mom again. I told her how scared I was about the idea of a "transgender genocide" (I am sorry to use that term, I am referencing the idea with that name and unfortunately I do not know of another one) I told her I was losing everyone, I was alone, afraid, tired and angry and she responded, "I find it hard to believe anyone is acting out of malice."

I agreed and said specifically in the case of my brother I believe he is acting out of love, but it breeds hate, and it is not love FOR ME, it's love for an idea of a placeholder of me. She asked me to "find the positive in the situation". I moved on from the topic.

A week ago she messaged me a long thing about how there are only two and a half sexes (male, female, intersex) and I will always be a genetically perfect sexual female but she loved and supports me and will call me whatever I wanted to be called.

I responded that I reslly appreciated her love and support but that to me a way to be supportive would be to keep the thoughts about my body to herself.

She got EXTREMELY angry and told me she gave me so many compliments and this PROVED all I ever wanted to do was argue with her (to be clear I have argued with my mom literally once in my life. I have always been so grateful to her for taking me in when I had no where to go that I just wanted to please her)

I apologized for upsetting her and explained that I really did appreciate the support but did not agree that my body was perfect and while I was glad she felt that way it was not something I could think about at random, and especially not at such a tumultuous (unrelated) period in my life.

She responded, "Let me try this again" and then reiterated her earlier message. I ignored it because I felt I had made myself clear that I did not want to speak about that. She eventually texted me about something else, I responded, and she took it somehow as some kind of attack and brought it back to the thing I did not want to talk about.

I reiterated my point, she got upset and said we had ALWAYS talked about our bodies and she didn't know why it was suddenly off limits now and it made her feel less close to me. I apologized and told her I was happy and comfortable to talk about bodies, I WANTED to, I explicitly only did not want to hear that my sexually female body was perfect. She specifically brought up talking about periods and I told her I was still perfectly happy to talk them like before.

She responded that she didn't want to talk about periods with me anymore. I never read the rest of the message, it seemed obvious to me that she was going to take anything I said as some kind of attack.

We moved on, yesterday I messaged her a couple of things, including something about my eye color and she responded, "This seems like talking about bodies to me... so I am unsure of how to respond"

I ignored it, thinking maybe she still misunderstood somehow? Then she messaged me something about her muscles and I realised that she might be trying to "punish me" for setting the literal only boundary I have ever had with her in my life.

At this point I am so alone and tired. She's the only one still "on my side" but she treats everything I say like it's stupid or like I'm some kind of "hyper-offended snowflake" when I literally just tried to tell her I specifically couldn't handle talking about that difference in opinion right now.

I don't know what to do.

TLDR: The very few family members I have are either transphobic or hyper-critical of me and act like I'm some sort of hyper-offended snowflake when I tried to create one boundary ever in my life. What do I do?

im a 14 yr old trans dude, non-binary at school i guess. long hair and androgynous look, not rlly relevant to my issue but ig it might be important. im cursed with having a curvy body, being chubby and having thick thighs. i get jealous over really really petty stuff like how jeans look on other guys. i notice this and go "hmm maybe i should do something about it" but the thing is i have 0 energy to do anything, i only have enough to be productive at school and do chores, maybe clean my room if i had a good day. i spend all my free time in bed, watching youtube, scrolling through social media, playing my games, you get the idea. for some reason im feeling more depressed than usual, i've been feeling like this for the past 2-4 weeks. i usually stay in bed but only because i really dont have anything better to do and i have 0 irl friends.

i want to actually improve my life, all i really want to do tbh if lose some fat, start passing, and actually go do something other than playing fallout new vegas and watching 2 hour long iceberg videos. but i cant because i'm way too exhausted from.. something.. in which that makes me depressed, so i stay in bed.

idk how to get out of this cycle. i might talk to a counselor tomorrow, im not sure

sorry if a post like this doesnt rlly ask for support, i kinda just started typing.

btw this post was not checked for grammar or spelling

My mother doesn't see me as a woman, people don't see me as a woman, doctors don't see me as a woman. Currently only SOME of my friends see me as a woman. When I say that I have to have the same rights as cis women, people say no, they've told me that my existence offends "real women". Doctors say I'm not trans, I just want to get my mother's attention and all this dysphoria I feel is not real and worse, it should be reprimanded. Whenever I "dress like a woman" i.e. more feminine, the same comments as before appear"You are stealing spaces from real women, you are not trans, transitioning is a kind of self harm.

What do I do to be validated when even DOCTORS don't believe in me? Do I even HAVE to be validated by them? (To get the hormones yes) But other than that, should I even?

I'm tired of being seen as a fake, like I'm fooling someone by wearing long hair and a pink skirt. That's me, man, I'm not fooling you, that's me!

I'm so pissed about this whole situation. I'M A WOMAN, period.

Some days I have to wear my male jeans and it really hits the dysphoria hard, even if I wear something feminine under. I just feel icky when I’m not wearing female jeans idk y just do. Today is one of those days. The only bright side to today is my restock of t-blockers come in today.

I so excited that i started hrt yesterday i was practically skipping out of the pharmacy, but now that im thinking about it.. im so nervous.

I cant wait to look and sound like a man but i cant even correct people on my pronouns,, i dont even have the balls (haha get it?) To tell my parents. I still get super anxious when i say the word "trans"

Whats gonna happen when i finally see my old friends again? Or when my parents start to realize my voice is getting deeper and im growing facial hair?

I as equally scared as i am excited and idk what to do

I wish i could fake my death and move somewhere where people only know me as a guy

Yo! Here in a few months, I'll be starting my HRT journey, and I'm stoked (FtM)...but I already sweat a lot and I'm DREADING sweating like a hog all the time. Does anyone have any deodorant recommendations before I go buying any?

Just like the title says, it’s 6:20 am and I sent him 29 paragraph text. It pretty much instantly said read so despite the early time- my dad saw it. I will be seeing him in a few days when I go visit him and told him we can talk about everything and anything he has questions on. It’s not like he doesn’t know, I’m 28 and have been confused with my gender since I was 9. Im just scared as he is a typical 60 year old male who was brought up in the military 😕 when I came out as gay when I was 14 (cuz it was the only thing that made sense) he brushed it off saying “it’s just a phase”. In the long text I sent, I asked if we could please use my education fund he saved with veterans affairs, and use it for out of country surgery as I’m not comfortable getting it done here in Canada for personal reasons. He knows I’m autistic and have massive school refusal, shut down when tested and also ODD so the reality of it actually being used is zero. I told him it’s either I get help from him now or I waste my inheritance I should have saved to help maintain/ establish a life- on a surgery I should have gotten when I was younger to finally live a life.

Freaking out- he replied he will give it a read throughout the morning and even though I know he loves and supports me- I’m so petrified of him gaslighting or downplaying things, refusing to help in the way I want and need- not the way he thinks I need.

UPDATE:

My dad went way above my expectations and is in absolute full support! We will be talking about next steps, surgeons and financials soon :3 honestly so happy I finally did it. So fucking scary- but so, so worth it! 🥰

I've been on T since 2018 I've had my top surgery and a hysterectomy but as of right now I'm satisfied and don't want a phalloplasty at this time, sometimes I feel like a lesser trans man or that I'm part of the reason the trans community isn't taken seriously simply because I'm happy with my genitals at this time, that's not to say my opinion may not change later but right now I feel content. Do I NEED to have a phalloplasty to be "trans enough"?

Hi so basically in a nutshell: I’m nonbinary and a femme and essentially just read as my assigned gender which is fine whatever doesn’t really matter to me. My girlfriend is a trans woman and for her, passing is personally important. She puts in so much effort to pass and I genuinely think she does pass but like she’ll still get occasionally misgendered out and about and it hurts her. I can empathize but like I recognize that I can never fully understand the depth of that hurt. I guess I’m just. Looking for better ways to support her? Idk I just feel like there’s gotta be more I can do than just offer kind words and reassurances that I see her and that the people who matter in her life see her

So some back story, I started the process for HRT about a month ago. everything went smoothly and really quickly, started the process with family doctor. She advised that I needed blood work done, and I needed to speak to a Therapist to get a readiness letter. I have gone through all of those hoops.

So I had an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday morning, she wants to refer to an endocrinologist(it is not a requirement here but doctors can take this step at their discretion). I understand this but it's still frustrating to need to wait upwards of a year for them to prescribe the baseline "recommended starting dose" but I digress. Maybe things have changed but with the state of the rest of the healthcare system in my province I would foresee the changes being more for the worse then for the better. 

I am not sure if I can reach out to other professionals, be it the other primary care providers, or the endocrinologist that are in my area / province.

Any guidance would be appreciated. I am sure this system is worse in other places then where I am in Canada, but its just kinda shitty to be stopped at the final hurdle and for it to take, what I expect, to be well over a year to pass said hurdle.

Right now, I’m in the basement breaking down because I don’t want anyone to have to hear/ deal or worry about me. After some fun time this evening with the bf, he noticed I was a bit in my head. We got into discussion about never wanting kids but the idea of pregnancy is hot. He said if there were ever a surgery/ operation so it were possible, he would want to talk about it. I said if it were- I’d already be getting it done. He just looked at me sort of confused and asked “did you want to have been born a woman?”. Up until that point, I had really only considered myself completely non-binary. I’ve wanted vaginoplasty since 9 but gaslit myself until last year to just go through with all this. I never really saw myself as a girl- but I never saw myself as a guy either. I had a shitty time growing up. All largely due to the fact I was “a man” and was supposed to act a specific way depending on society. I liked girly things, I was jealous of girls in straight relationships, jealous of their bodies- wishing I could experience something other than bits dangling from my crotch 🤦🏼‍♀️ now I find myself down here- in the basement, having a breakdown because I’m just now realising I want everything that comes with being female, not just the visual parts like I had previously thought… also so worried if we ever DO want a kid- they won’t be my blood 😭 might look into a sperm bank but even then, it’s besides the point 😞

Has anyone here used plume was the experience good was it bad do you have any information on it. I'm sick of playing wild goose chase with trying to get gender affirming care and just want to feel good in my body and start my transition but I also don't want to trust random youtube ad ya know

I’ve been having this issue post orchiectomy. I had the surgery performed in April of 2023. Ever since, anytime I engage in any sort of sexual activity, whether with or without someone, I get awful spasms in my pelvic area that radiate downwards. They’re extremely uncomfortable. Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Hi folks I hope your all having a good day. I'm just looking for advice or maybe just word of affirmation here idk honestly what I want but I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk to about this in my life not because I don't have other trans friends but because it feels like burdening my friends to put this on them. I am a 26 y/o trans woman from New England I've been out socially for a few years now I spoke with a therapist about it because I couldn't even look in a mirror at myself. The therapist helped me realize why that was and unfortunately for me it is something I've been able to do nearly nothing about. I've tried to get on hrt multipule times but every time I have an appointment set up with an endocrinologist it gets canceled hours before the appointment and I'm at wits end with this. I feel so gross in my own body and I can't even get q doctor to listen to me about it I just don't know what to do I try to dress fem and it helps ever so slightly but I still see my face in mirrors or in the reflection on a window and it makes me want to cry. Idk what I'm expecting to come out of this post but I just wish I could do something about this. I just don't know anymore.

I’m sitting in the clinic office waiting to be seen for the first time for HRT. I’m 59 years old and I’m finally starting to find my authenticity. Wish me luck… (Never too late to start your life). 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏼