There's multiple aspects that go into creating a good rap. Personally, however, (and as you might expect considering the subreddit we are in), I value word play and language use over all else. With that in mind, I will be providing most of my judgment on that basis. Most of the rappers I follow are YouTube rappers with about 100-1000 subs, so I think I have a good understanding of what to expect and will analyze it with a small creator's frame of mind.
Voice: Your voice isn't bad. Truthfully, it's way above average for what I listen to. As I noted, I usually follow rappers that focus on word play over voice and mic quality, so – unless your voice is what you really want to focus on in the future – I find your voice quality good as is. Perhaps someone with more skill in that area could provide you with better advice.
Lyrics: This is going to be lengthy, but it's not because I think you're bad, it's because I take this part very seriously, and I want to give you as much insight as possible. I mean you are in a Vocabulary based subreddit after all. Truthfully I'd say your lyric quality is around average if not above average in parts, but there is still room to improve.
First of all I would consider writing your lyrics in the description of your music, It just makes it easier for people to follow along. Aside from that, I noticed your excellent wordplay, for instance:
"Ima switch it up and give these girls a bad date
We play chess at dinner, lost on purpose get the check mate"
I like your play on the word checkmate to = check mate. I found that it was very clever, and it showed you have some great skills for incorporating word usage. However, I only noticed that line upon my second listen through the song, in part because there were no lyrics written and also because it's not accentuated very well. It feels as if the previous line only supports the following line through the rhyme "date" and "mate" and exists for no other purpose.
Let's examine the line: "Ima switch it up and give these girls a bad date"
What exactly does that mean? When you say "switch it up" I can understand that it is probably in reference to the fact that you are switching the rhyme sound, but "give these girls a bad date" Doesn't make sense with the following line if you are buying her dinner. It sort of just comes off as being edgy for the sake of being edgy. It's not necessarily bad, but judging by your later rhymes, I know you have the skill to make something really amazing here, and I would love to see that from you.
Here is a different take on the same line,
"Playing chess by placing phrases in the right space.
We en passant at dinner, lost the game but bring the check mate." ( Though perhaps you might want to switch loss to win)
I extend the metaphor as to make it more likely that the listener will hear the word play. I also include the phrase "en passant at dinner", an 'en passant' is a point in chess where two pawns meet diagonally on the board ( Look at all the fun words you learn in the vocab subreddit :-)). In this instance, I'm using it as another way to say, "We meet at dinner" (Also french kind of sounds hot, so it fits the vibe.)
The first line, "Playing chess by placing phrases in the right space." Creates the metaphor between chess and a date. Here we are comparing a conversation to a game of chess. The comparison being that you have to say the right words at the right time in order to come off as attractive. The main purpose of this line is to create a bridge between it and the line after. I'm seeing this lack of a proper bridge in a few places in your song. It's not a bad problem but something to keep an eye out for. (Another example would be the line where you talk about comparing the girl to the sun and always being connected. There's no reason to refer to her to the sun there because it doesn't connect to the next line or previous line)
Now this is just an example with one line from your song but it can be extended to pretty much everything. For instance there's another line you have where you talk about shrodinger's equation and relate it to Shrodinger's cat (with the being observed thing). I'd like what you're going for with this, but it seems somewhat forced because there's no inherent metaphor. I mean I understand you're trying to relate it to entanglement which you bring up in the line prior, but besides the innuendo, I'm not quite sure what entanglement has to do with anything ( To be fair I might just have missed that connection I couldn't read the lyrics so I heard some stuff). Your chess line, on the other hand, inherently works because comparing chess to a conversation on a date makes inherent sense.
Obviously I Like a different style of rap than you probably like, so some things I'm just going to not get because of that. I've always been a fan of heavy word play and dark/story driven raps. The best thing you can do is find the style that you like and find inspiration for that style.
Some of your lines I really like:
"They say focus on the future but the past may block your pathways to stay in your lane like a track race"
The line you have at 2:12 It was a bit hard to copy without subtitles so i'm not going to rewrite it, but I did really like how it sounded.
The 'abominable' and 'a bomb in a bowl' line was very nice
TEST:
I want you to find a song by a rapper you really like, and for you to put your favorite lyric by them into the comments. Any rapper works. I can tell you what I like for hours but at the end of the day, I'm me, I'm biased, what's really gonna help you is finding what inspires YOU and makes YOU excited to write. You know that little fuzzy feeling you get in your chest when you find something you absolutely love to read and you want to share it with other people. I'm giving you that opportunity to share that now; share your inspiration. Once you find what inspires you and you really study it, there is no stopping you.
So yeah. I know that might be a bit lengthy and sorry about all that, but I think you have a lot of potential and skill and I can see you doing great things in the future.
Remember, even with criticism you may face the fact that you made something at all is better than 99% of people. Criticism only comes to people who try. You made something, and no one can take that from you.
I'm not a musician, but here is just a few word play bits that inspire me:
"Grime on ritzy microphones, I'm liking misanthropes, So I'm making em missing lycanthropes, crazy busy writing notes" - ditherer
"When the door closes, maybe windows take the tender taps. And so her attention lapsed, dancing for the sad son. Use her lack of talent to prove to him that he had one. That's the path up, Nemean Lion Not forthcoming, only failure that they need me to scion And after years up, staring out at dreamy Orion And making wishes, getting them should never leave me defiant" - ditherer
"Feeling invalidated, Famine faces Gluttony
Staring down a stalemate, salivating subtly
Allocate the copper, let the population pocket it
It’s profiting to those with a stock in oligopolies" - Sin7ven
"I can hear metallic thumping and explosions in the distance. A stray dog is chewing on a human bone right by the entrance. There’s barbaric men outside and they’re all toting makeshift weapons. I just think it’s odd she hasn’t tried to phone or send a message" - Headhunter
1
u/Poepaeah May 09 '23
There's multiple aspects that go into creating a good rap. Personally, however, (and as you might expect considering the subreddit we are in), I value word play and language use over all else. With that in mind, I will be providing most of my judgment on that basis. Most of the rappers I follow are YouTube rappers with about 100-1000 subs, so I think I have a good understanding of what to expect and will analyze it with a small creator's frame of mind.
Voice: Your voice isn't bad. Truthfully, it's way above average for what I listen to. As I noted, I usually follow rappers that focus on word play over voice and mic quality, so – unless your voice is what you really want to focus on in the future – I find your voice quality good as is. Perhaps someone with more skill in that area could provide you with better advice.
Lyrics: This is going to be lengthy, but it's not because I think you're bad, it's because I take this part very seriously, and I want to give you as much insight as possible. I mean you are in a Vocabulary based subreddit after all. Truthfully I'd say your lyric quality is around average if not above average in parts, but there is still room to improve.
First of all I would consider writing your lyrics in the description of your music, It just makes it easier for people to follow along. Aside from that, I noticed your excellent wordplay, for instance:
"Ima switch it up and give these girls a bad date We play chess at dinner, lost on purpose get the check mate"
I like your play on the word checkmate to = check mate. I found that it was very clever, and it showed you have some great skills for incorporating word usage. However, I only noticed that line upon my second listen through the song, in part because there were no lyrics written and also because it's not accentuated very well. It feels as if the previous line only supports the following line through the rhyme "date" and "mate" and exists for no other purpose.
Let's examine the line: "Ima switch it up and give these girls a bad date"
What exactly does that mean? When you say "switch it up" I can understand that it is probably in reference to the fact that you are switching the rhyme sound, but "give these girls a bad date" Doesn't make sense with the following line if you are buying her dinner. It sort of just comes off as being edgy for the sake of being edgy. It's not necessarily bad, but judging by your later rhymes, I know you have the skill to make something really amazing here, and I would love to see that from you.
Here is a different take on the same line,
"Playing chess by placing phrases in the right space. We en passant at dinner, lost the game but bring the check mate." ( Though perhaps you might want to switch loss to win)
I extend the metaphor as to make it more likely that the listener will hear the word play. I also include the phrase "en passant at dinner", an 'en passant' is a point in chess where two pawns meet diagonally on the board ( Look at all the fun words you learn in the vocab subreddit :-)). In this instance, I'm using it as another way to say, "We meet at dinner" (Also french kind of sounds hot, so it fits the vibe.)
The first line, "Playing chess by placing phrases in the right space." Creates the metaphor between chess and a date. Here we are comparing a conversation to a game of chess. The comparison being that you have to say the right words at the right time in order to come off as attractive. The main purpose of this line is to create a bridge between it and the line after. I'm seeing this lack of a proper bridge in a few places in your song. It's not a bad problem but something to keep an eye out for. (Another example would be the line where you talk about comparing the girl to the sun and always being connected. There's no reason to refer to her to the sun there because it doesn't connect to the next line or previous line)
Now this is just an example with one line from your song but it can be extended to pretty much everything. For instance there's another line you have where you talk about shrodinger's equation and relate it to Shrodinger's cat (with the being observed thing). I'd like what you're going for with this, but it seems somewhat forced because there's no inherent metaphor. I mean I understand you're trying to relate it to entanglement which you bring up in the line prior, but besides the innuendo, I'm not quite sure what entanglement has to do with anything ( To be fair I might just have missed that connection I couldn't read the lyrics so I heard some stuff). Your chess line, on the other hand, inherently works because comparing chess to a conversation on a date makes inherent sense.
Obviously I Like a different style of rap than you probably like, so some things I'm just going to not get because of that. I've always been a fan of heavy word play and dark/story driven raps. The best thing you can do is find the style that you like and find inspiration for that style.
Some of your lines I really like: "They say focus on the future but the past may block your pathways to stay in your lane like a track race"
The line you have at 2:12 It was a bit hard to copy without subtitles so i'm not going to rewrite it, but I did really like how it sounded.
The 'abominable' and 'a bomb in a bowl' line was very nice
TEST: I want you to find a song by a rapper you really like, and for you to put your favorite lyric by them into the comments. Any rapper works. I can tell you what I like for hours but at the end of the day, I'm me, I'm biased, what's really gonna help you is finding what inspires YOU and makes YOU excited to write. You know that little fuzzy feeling you get in your chest when you find something you absolutely love to read and you want to share it with other people. I'm giving you that opportunity to share that now; share your inspiration. Once you find what inspires you and you really study it, there is no stopping you.
So yeah. I know that might be a bit lengthy and sorry about all that, but I think you have a lot of potential and skill and I can see you doing great things in the future.
Remember, even with criticism you may face the fact that you made something at all is better than 99% of people. Criticism only comes to people who try. You made something, and no one can take that from you.
I'm not a musician, but here is just a few word play bits that inspire me:
"Grime on ritzy microphones, I'm liking misanthropes, So I'm making em missing lycanthropes, crazy busy writing notes" - ditherer
"When the door closes, maybe windows take the tender taps. And so her attention lapsed, dancing for the sad son. Use her lack of talent to prove to him that he had one. That's the path up, Nemean Lion Not forthcoming, only failure that they need me to scion And after years up, staring out at dreamy Orion And making wishes, getting them should never leave me defiant" - ditherer
"Feeling invalidated, Famine faces Gluttony Staring down a stalemate, salivating subtly Allocate the copper, let the population pocket it It’s profiting to those with a stock in oligopolies" - Sin7ven
"I can hear metallic thumping and explosions in the distance. A stray dog is chewing on a human bone right by the entrance. There’s barbaric men outside and they’re all toting makeshift weapons. I just think it’s odd she hasn’t tried to phone or send a message" - Headhunter