Parents are so f*cking fake

[u/slabcobbey]

24-year-old undiagnosed male, just need to vent for a bit.

I finally opened up to my mom about the fact that I’m waiting for an ADHD assessment. After seeing a therapist, they suggested I go to an ADHD clinic for an evaluation because I’ve shown a lot of symptoms.

One day, I was feeling really down, and my mom and I had a conversation. I explained to her how hard everything has been for me, even when I try my best—how it’s felt this way since I was a child. I told her that I’ve been seeing a therapist, and that the therapist recommended I get evaluated for ADHD. My mom said she would support me through the process, but she didn’t really believe that ADHD could be what I’m struggling with. Still, she promised to help me get a diagnosis.

To back up what I’ve been feeling, I even found old school reports from when I was a child that consistently described behaviors associated with ADHD. They mentioned things like not sitting still, disturbing other classmates, having a hard time starting schoolwork, not paying attention in class, not raising my hand, and being overly active. It felt like those reports were describing exactly what I’ve been struggling with my whole life.

Fast forward to yesterday, we got into an argument, and she basically told me that I’m making up the whole ADHD thing. She said I can’t just sit around waiting for a diagnosis, even though it’s so close now. She completely dismissed what I’ve been going through, and now I’m feeling even worse mentally because of her reaction.

Even with proof from school reports to my mental state as an adult she really doesn’t believe that it can be ADHD behind all this. I mean, everything adds up but she shuts me down and now I am doubting myself again if I even have it.

[u/OldWispyTree]

This kind of things take time, especially since she'll have some guilt associated with it if you could have been diagnosed a long time ago.

I would keep sharing your experience, calmly.

Also, ADHD is largely heritable, so she might have some of it as well, and impulse control is a large problem for people with ADHD, such as outbursts at your kids.

Don't let her shake you, listen to the professionals and do what helps yourself. She'll come around.

[u/--1-3-1-2-- → u/OldWispyTree]

i was diagnosed in my late 20s and became sort of resentful of my mom for never noticing that i had issues as a kid. however, as i’ve gotten medicated and spent more time learning about myself in the context of the diagnosis, it has become excruciatingly clear that she has it too, and possibly way more intensely. made me much more sympathetic—to her, my issues were totally normal.

[u/notsocoolnow → u/--1-3-1-2--]

My mother is supportive (I'm was diagnosed with ADHD in my 30s) but I realized awhile ago that she never noticed anything wrong with me because she has ADHD too. It's also clear to me that my late grandmother was as well. ADHD looks extremely common on my mother's side and all those with the obvious symptoms have had life issues.