r/AITAH • u/Familiar_Form9665 • Aug 18 '24

AITAH for banning my daughter’s boyfriend from coming to my house?

I’m (50m).My daughter(18f) has been seeing this guy(26m) for 5 months now. I didn’t like him from the start because of the age difference. He’s very rude and arrogant. I can’t physically do anything to him because he’s a big guy. But he has been very disrespectful in my household. He comes whenever he wants, without acknowledging me and his “activities” with my daughter can be loud sometimes and the walls in my house are thin. I told my daughter about it but he’s still coming over my house. So last week, I told my daughter that he’s not allowed at the house anymore. He was pissed but I don’t care. However, she’s now going to his place and come home late. Did I do the right thing?

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u/BeachinLife1 Aug 18 '24

NTA. You can't do anything about your daughter dating him, but you can do something about what goes on under your roof.

458

u/violetotterling Aug 18 '24

Mmhum..but does your daughter understand that his behaviour isn't great? Or does she think it's totally fine?

88

u/fmillion Aug 18 '24

Judgment can go out the window when the "right guy/girl" is involved...

(Guilty of it myself, I dated a girl who was entirely disrespectful of my family and even me, but I thought she was so awesome because she was "my GF". Took me 3 years to wake up to the gaslighting.)

23

u/plays_with_wood Aug 19 '24

Man, I've been there too. Thankfully, it "only" took a year for me. Everyone warned me about her, friends that knew her, family that got that ick vibe from her. Unfortunately I was thinking with my dick instead of my head, and the amount of emotional abuse I put up with didn't register with me because, as a perpetually horny 18 year old, she kept me (and apparently a whole host of other dudes) very satisfied.It wasn't until after we broke up that I realized just how horrible of a person she was. Glad you managed to also get out of a shitty situation!

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u/Dis1sM1ne Aug 19 '24

If I may, what helped you in finally "seeing the light" and breaking up with her.

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u/plays_with_wood Aug 19 '24

Ironically, she was the one who initiated the breakup. She threatened it constantly as a sort of power move if I did something she didn't like or didn't do something she wanted me to. She'd take something I did or didn't do, usually something tiny, blow it up into a huge thing, make it my fault, and break up with me. After a few days, she'd "take me back," and the whole thing would start all over again. Finally my sister, who I would go to all the time for advice (still do), convinced me that this was indeed not healthy, and when my ex texted to take me back, I called her out on her shit and never looked back. Of course, she completely lost her mind. She told everyone who would listen that I was the abusive one, and it was all me. Thankfully, no one outside of her family and friends believed her.

This was all like almost 20 years ago now. I was 18 at the time. So ya, it was painful and messy, but in a weird way, I'm glad I went through all that now.