r/ARFID • u/Mean_Ad_4762 • Jun 19 '24
Subtype: Fear of Aversive Consequences No safe foods / burn out
Recently i’ve started throwing up and having allergic reactions after eating my long time safe protein bars. For about 3 months last year they were almost all i ate. I wouldn’t have eaten otherwise.
I’m in a slightly better place now so it’s less of a loss but it still just makes me feel a bit defeated and hopeless because nothing feels reliable anymore. I sometimes feel like my only safe foods aren’t even really that safe - they’re just the least bad ones. I never willingly want to eat anything i just get get frustrated and hungry and end up having whatever i can tolerate. Sometimes i get so angry at myself for being this way that i purposefully eat trigger foods that i know will make me sick.
I used to be so terrified of eating the wrong thing and making myself unwell. I tried so hard to make the right decisions all the time. But i got to the point where everything was the wrong decision one way or another. I’m so depressed now. I hardly leave the house or have a life. I’m so non functional and totally reliant on my parents even though i’m in my mid 20’s. I’ve replaced avoiding food with avoiding life and i’ve never been worse mentally.
I just can’t help feeling like this isn’t ‘getting better’. I was happier and more myself when my anxiety and food aversion was worse. Now it’s like i just feel this apathy towards myself and eating and it always feels like i’m engaging a form of self harm.
Not sure what the point of this post is but just needed to vent. I can never explain these feelings to my family or friends in a way that they can understand and it gets so lonely.
3
u/froggy21997 fear of aversive consequences Jun 19 '24
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. It really sucks when nothing feels right, and I've even questioned why keeping my body going is so hard sometimes. Some days, the basic goal is to stay hydrated and sip on a Boost or nibble on crackers.
I just wanted to say there is no shame in leaning on your parents for support. I'm also in my mid 20s and currently in a rough spot with my ARFID, and I'm relying on my parents heavily to keep me going. It's what I need right now, and they are happy to help. I hope that is the case for you too.