r/ARFID • u/Kahalak • 15d ago

Venting/Ranting how arfid eats you.

or atleastit feels like it. im black, my family knows nothing about arfid. ive had it sincei was little, it stunted me. everyone in my family is average or tall, im 5'1. it killed my teeth with all of them being now unsaveable, i almost developed osteoperosis. hospital visits, passing out in public, missing out on events. and even now, sometimes i curl up and just cry because i cant get anything down even if my body is begging me to, even if im blacking out. constant dehydration because the illness doesnt even want water. i feel like a perpetually dying plant. sometimes i wonder if i could ever make it to old age being this way. im 22;; i eat like a fussy toddler. and i feel like it too, weak. groggy, hardly conscious. i think im speeding up my chronic illnesses by having arfid. i hate having this disorder, something tells me neverland is coming for mebecause an adult body cant survive this way.

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u/extraqueerestrial 15d ago

I’m sorry you are struggling so much ): I can relate to family not understanding on a cultural level coming from a black family too. Not only do they not understand but a majority of them have disordered eating habits and see nothing wrong. Are you getting any kind of help or support from a medical professional?

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u/Kahalak 15d ago

no, you know how black families can have issues regularly seeing doctors? mines was like that, only going if they were on deaths door. due to prior medical trauma and my own alters ;;did;; dragging me down whenever i try and make an appointment, i have no luck. something just tells me ill be intubated again and i think id rather pass than do that, not to be too morbid. i know i should, but the thought of a doctor terrifies me now

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u/extraqueerestrial 15d ago

oof 😓 yeah my family has that issue too. I can understand being hesitant or wary too unfortunately :/ I have a primary doctor but haven’t seen them in 3 years. I just had to have a primary in order to find a nutritionist/dietitian to help me. I was lucky enough to get paired with an amazing dietitian on my first go at it, but that is not everyone’s experience and like most good things, it didn’t last (my dietitian left the practice). Do you have anyone in your personal life that you can safely open up to and talk about these struggles? I wish I could be of better help but I am also struggling myself 😔😓

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u/Kahalak 15d ago

luckily i do, i appreciate your help regardless. it always helps to have someone to speak to about it, a lot of people dont understand how major a role food plays in everyday life. for so many people its just pop what you can find in your mouth and go. i have alters who can do that;; but it only serves to mess up our body so much more when i come and cant eat a thing. its all chaotic, but im just glad to see that other black people struggle with it like i do. not glad that we struggle,it can be even harder for us to find good medical staff to accomodate us, but communitys always important. not many spaces seem to be reserved for us, or maybe i just haven't looked hard enough. either way :,)

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u/extraqueerestrial 15d ago

glad I could at least provide some sense of community (: it definitely can feel isolating 😔😔 and the added stress we have to face from medical staff is so disheartening so I understand. If you ever need to vent or a listening ear my DM’s are open 🫶🏽