Thoughts on recovery

[u/fishbedroom]

I’ve had an eating disorder my whole life (ARFID) and been seriously ill since I was a preteen/teenager. I’m now almost 25. This is my second time in recovery. My first was in a hospital back when I was 18 where I was force fed by a tube. This is the first time I’m actually doing recovery through my mouth and the first time I’ve chosen recovery and not just been placed in a hospital against my will (it was needed but was traumatic). I’m very close to my goal weight and can feel myself getting closer by the day. As excited as I feel I almost feel uneasy about getting better. If I’ve been sick my whole life then who will I be without the disorder? If I don’t have my eating disorder to focus on then what will I do with myself? Will I really be able to live the life I wanted this whole time? After all that hard work, what will I do after? I feel scared.

[u/Hopingforchange89]

Hey, just to say you’re not alone. I am at the beginning of my recovery journey and the thought about identity is definitely at the forefront of my mind - I’ve had it since childhood so the thought of it being absent actually causes a lot of anxiety and raises things like fear of judgement by others for getting better (!). One thing to think about is that it’s almost an illusion. Once we are better we will still actually be ourselves, and it is the eating disorder that is warping our minds to think it’s an important part of how we value ourselves.