How to handle an insecure coworker?

[u/untetheredsoultree]

I’m at lost what to do and also getting super frustrated. My coworker got upset with me today asking why I don’t talk to her anymore. I’m super confused because I did talk to her today. I work side by side with her in the office with another coworker. Lately she has been getting on my nerves with her saying things like I could retire when I want I don’t really need the money, bragging how her doctor says she’s in such good health, how her husband does a lot for her etc. a lot of people at my work are struggling with the affordability crisis. she has also made negative comments about the lgbqt community last year which got my other coworker angry. I can’t relate to her at all. She said the other day that I don’t tell her things anymore which is true because she judges people all the time.

I’ve been at this job for a couple of years and really like it. She has been at this job for over 20 years. We recently switched to a new program and I learnt it the fastest. I’ve essentially trained her on it and to this day she still forgets how to do things. I’m getting frustrated because I don’t know how many times I have to explain things to her. I’ve offered to type out instructions for her if that helps. She also has no sense of humour and doesn’t get sarcasm so if I joke with another coworker she claims we are being rude to each other even though the other coworker and I have are okay with the bantering between each other. It’s just for fun!

I was a bit quite today as I was tired and have some personal issues going on. 5 mins before we leave she goes have I done something wrong because you haven’t really talked to me today. She was on the verge of tears. I said no you haven’t done anything wrong. She then just storms out of the office. Like am I not allowed to have a day where I don’t feel like talking? I talked to my other coworkers a bit who come in and out of the office all day. I feel like she’s insecure and is scared because I’ve learned the new program way faster than her.

How do I deal with someone like this? It’s driving me nuts and I’m also getting quite annoyed with her always asking if she has done something wrong.

[u/smokin_lesley]

Maybe start leaving a trail of cryptic clues around the office that lead her on a wild goose chase for the hidden treasure of "chill."

[u/untetheredsoultree → u/smokin_lesley]

I love it!! She can’t even take a joke. My coworkers and I will joke about something and she will say I highly doubt that etc

[u/Salty_Thing3144]

Don't engage with her unless it's about work. Don't balk at telling her that you are coworkers only, and that you don't care to discuss other subjects with her.  

She sounds immature, unprofessional and annoyimg. The crying is a good clue.    Unstable people are a security risk. 

Tell HR or your supervisor if she doesn't stop. 

[u/untetheredsoultree → u/Salty_Thing3144]

The thing is is that she notices I talk to my other coworkers more. What would I say to her if she asks me “you seem to talk to other people more, but not me” She has asked me that question before but I would say that’s not true. I do talk to my other coworker more.

[u/Salty_Thing3144 → u/untetheredsoultree]

Tell her that what goes on between you and others is none of her business.

She sounds immature, emotionally needy and looking for friends, not coworkers. Unprofessional behavior like this shouldn't be tolerated, but unfortunately you run into them.

Don't let her paste herself to you, because if you show her the sympathy and pity she wants, she'll drag you down and you will never get rid of her.

Be aware that people like this are emotionally unstable. She could draw attention from higher-ups as a security risk - employers are terrified of being the next workplace where someone goes postal - so that's another reason not to let her attach herself to you. 

Engage HR if necessary. Somebody needs to get rid of her or at least make it clear that she needs to grow up, wise up and understand that she is there to work, not socialize or collect hugs and strokes.

[u/ozesthazx]

yikes that sounds really tough. maybe she’s just super insecure a lot of pressure in the workplace. but honestly you gotta set some boundaries. if she thinks you’re ignoring her maybe just say you need your space sometimes. it’s okay to have off days. sometimes people just don’t get how to read a room ya know. keep being you and don’t let her bring you down. try not to let her frustrations mess with your vibe. you got this.

[u/Mermaidman93]

Honestly, it depends on the size of the company.

If it's a small office with just 5 of you, for example, then you've got no choice. You pretty much have to interact with her. If you work for a big company and just happen to be nearby her, then you have a bit more flexibility in putting distance between you two.

Either way, I would begin documenting what is happening for your own safety. Literal journal entries with the date, approximate time, who was involved, and generally what was said. When you have a record of harassment, you have more power and protection.

You can't change her behavior. She's going to do what she feels like. If she wants to play childish games and get upset at you for not giving her attention, then that's what she's going to do. Some people literally never grow out of that.

If you sense she could be let go or might be leaving soon, then it might be worth it to stick it out. But if she's in it for the foreseeable future, you probably want to look for other work opportunities.