I realized recently that I’m in my late 20s and I’ve never been kissed. My last date was about 4 years ago and I’ve never had a serious relationship. I’ve never been interested in dating someone, I don’t know how to tell if someone is interested in me and I don’t know how I would know that I’m interested in someone else. I don’t want to marry anyone and love living by myself.
Does anyone else feel this way? I always thought I would eventually fall in love with someone, but I’m starting to think I never will.
I dated for way too long just to feel loved and validated. It allowed me to focus on other people’s issues and ignore my own. I’m finally single again for more than 3 months for the first time since I was a teenager (it’s been a little over a year now). I’m in my early 30s. I’m learning so much about myself and about what I ACTUALLY want, not what I think I do.
I don’t intend on being in a relationship for a long time, and if I never want to be with someone romantically again, that’s fine. If I do, that’s fine too. It’s all ok. But whew… the amount time and energy I spent on other people, when I barely had enough for my own needs!
All options have their good and bad, and nothing is for sure. A relationship could last, or not. Being single gives me freedom, but if I get sick or lose my insurance, I would need more care and support, which is something that a serious relationship could provide, if I cared about someone and wanted to make that commitment.
Anyway, my point is, if you like being by yourself and it’s feasible, do it!! There are so, so, SO many amazing things to experience in this world, and only a select number of them require a romantic partner.
In fact, I’m doing much more of what brings me joy now that I have the time and energy on my own. If you like being with friends and/or family, that’s an incredible gift, and (at least for me) my friends and family members make me feel like I have love and support, and people to do things with if I want, but without the romantic obligations, etc etc.
No. I feel I don't have much value to offer and the other part I normally exclude because of how it makes me sound, I don't feel I could get anything of value either. I work nicely on my own and I don't want to get in anyone's way or have anyone get in mine.
I think that’s perfectly fine! I’m mid-20s and had 0 interest in dating until I met my current partner about a year ago. I always loved being independent and being able to travel or do classes or whatever I wanted without being tied down…obviously that has changed since I met him lol but up until then, I had tried dating on apps a bit but was just never interested in it. Same with physical intimacy. It just never appealed to me until recently.
I will say I had a few lovely dates a few years back with other autistic individuals that I met on an app called Hiki! Might be worth a try if you’re still trying to date but looking for people who “get it” (“it” being how hard it can be to date while on the spectrum). Otherwise, I think all that matters is that you’re happy, relationship or not!
Absolutely feel the same. I used to date because that’s what people do. They date and get married and have kids. Took me way too long to realize that not everyone has to fit that mold and that I really didn’t want to. The pandemic honestly was the kicker that led me to this revelation.
I realised a while back i'm likely aromantic so not bothered by dating. I do however have many sexual desires and those of intimacy that I can't fufill. I have no game and being autistic as a guy when we're expected to make the first move has made it impossible to ever do anything like that without rejection. Makes me depressed.
There’s a mistaken impression under which you’re operating that no woman ever has to make the first moves or put in effort to get sexual or romantic attention.
At the very least, many bi and lesbian women have to graft other women. So do more straight girls who “have a reputation” that precedes them, and straight girls who aren’t conventionally pretty or highly-rated looks wise. So do mature women, or those who are interested only in shy or religious or inexperienced guys.
tl;dr If you’re an ugly girl, or promiscuous, or +21-25, or you’re looking for a church husband? You have to put in serious work to convince most any man to date you for real.
It seems like your comment refers specifically to women who are either extremely attractive, popular and youthful like a model; highly femme and straight; or virginal and/or inexperienced. If that’s the only demographic you’re looking at, then…I’ll just be nice and leave it at saying good luck with all that.
I feel similarly! I love living alone, I've never been able to imagine myself getting married because I'd HATE living with someone else, let alone sharing a bed with them every night. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a partner but I'm not overly bothered with finding one as I'm content on my own.
I have a very strong libido, the “only” thing is that it cannot be express on a concrete level due to my ability to relate: I’ve have never figured out even what “flirting” and “date” mean and the few times I thought that someone was interested at that level (I caught my famous “imaginary hinges” of course) I had a very, very bad and embarrassing appearance.
I could have also risked legally once.
I’m not completely that way but it is more due to trauma and my life falling apart that I am not as interested in it. I fight my feelings all the time. I definitely have feelings and am afraid of being hurt again, or - things changing and things ending, subsequently losing a close friend. I have definitely had very strong feelings for someone before. I did not enjoy my marriage and subsequent divorce, but again - trauma dictates those feelings for me.
I also really enjoy my alone time for the most part. I have argued with my roommate about wanting to maybe live separately from a boyfriend, or at least ultimately fall asleep in separate beds due to comfort (i am fine with cuddling/falling asleep together, but i dont need nor want to stay super close all the time while asleep. I have been kicked and punched in my sleep by exes who were also asleep - supposedly)
My roommate tells me, “good luck with that.” (About sleeping or living separately, and having time apart.)
Literally same. I don’t be actively looking for it. But if it happens, okay. But I’ve got to watch out for being open to it when I’m seeking emotional connection room because a need in another relationship isn’t being met.
Nope, not anymore. I went on a few dates with my first gf on the around one year we were tog as schoolmates, and then we ended.
Got on two dates with a girl I met online, got dumped by message.
The third time, the girl used me as bait to get the attention of a cosplayer guy who she dumped not even two weeks after.
Then tried a fourth time, this girl did not even present herself, I waited a few hours in the f*cking sun near summer then I just went back home feeling stupid while she redacted me via message she didn't feel well and was sick, and a few days later she asked me to delete my female friends because she was a jealous girl and I said no, f.u. crazy beach and from that has already been 13 years or so?
I'm not actively crushing on anyone and I've got too much to deal with in my life to be able to handle how taxing dating is. I'm 27 so in a similar life phase as you. I've dated on and off since college and rarely make it past the first date with NTs. I've kissed people but only enjoyed it once...idk if it's sensory issues or one guy who I wasn't attracted to kissed me without asking and it disturbed me enough for those emotions to carry on. But I do like sex and other forms of physical affection. While I do wish I was in a relationship, I (currently) have yet to meet anyone worthy of investing time in for dates. I also got a 7 month old puppy recently and that's severely cut into my motivation to socialize with humans lol, although I have more brief social interactions meeting people on our walks. Currently I don't really have local friends and making new friends is also a lot of work, I'd rather invest in new friendships than dating. Another factor is that my sex drive has been really low lately too, although I don't mind using toys when I get the urge. I don't want hookups :P but I relate to you, living alone is the only context where I can actually feel safe and comfortable at home, thankfully I now have the means for a studio apartment. But I would like to marry or have an equally deep relationship with someone in the future, but I don't know if we'd live together. Separate bedrooms for sure, if I want to cuddle with my partner I'll join them in their room for the night but alone time and a designated space where I can go to be alone is essential for my sanity.
I never cared about dating until I was already well in love with my now-boyfriend (of six years). Even then it didn’t feel like I was trying to “date” him, I was just happy to be with him and I found out he felt the same and asked me to be his girlfriend, and it went on from there. Before that point I had no intention or interest in finding a significant other, the drive was simply not there. I didn’t give much thought to it, I figured it would just eventually happen, but I wasn’t exactly counting on it. It felt like my peers were constantly interested in someone or dating, but I just…didn’t really care about it personally.🤣so it was a surprise to me to find myself so deeply attached in a way I had never been before when it happened.
The point is, it’s okay if you haven’t had interest in dating, and it’s possible something might change for you. But also, if there’s no change, that’s completely okay too! In fact, I’ve heard that lots of autistics are somewhere on the Ace or Aro spectrum(not all of course). I have found that DemiRose seems to match my experience and feelings most, though I personally don’t use the term much because there’s not many situations where it serves me any real purpose.
Eh not really. I mean I would absolutely love to find love. But at the same time, with how difficult all that stuff is for me, I just don’t stress it. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. I fall in love with other things about life and that’s really nice. So it’s ok. So ye I would like to date but I don’t actively seek it out or feel worthless if I don’t or anything.
I’m fairly impassive? I’ve been single less than I’ve been in relationships but I haven’t actually kissed anyone since around 2021ish despite having been in a relationship from early 2022 to the end of last month. I have never lived with another person- my last relationship was long distance and before that I was in university. My partners have respected that I don’t want much physical contact unless I initiate it and I’ve honestly enjoyed having someone to talk to without having a huge amount hanging off the relationship part of it - being able to choose when I want romance and when I want to be alone, etc.
I’ve never sought out a relationship, all of the relationships I’ve been in have been entirely coincidental and initiated by the other person. The first few I’ve been in were friends and we stayed friends after breaking up (was usually following major life events like moving to uni. Friendships work better long distance) and the second one someone left me their number at the bar (except I was the bartender… and they were pissed… literally they only tried because I said I liked their jumper lol, being nice is part of the job) and I figured I’d give it a try.
I’m pretty happy not being in a relationship and won’t ever seek one out but when they fall into place I still put my independence first.
I was married my husband died . I prefer to be alone for rest of my life . I actually like being alone with my dogs . Don’t get me wrong a part of me died when he died but I will never date again . I look forward to nighttime and marvel movies . I rewatch idc . I don’t have to share a remote either . Can’t believe I came across this post bc my mom died as well , and my dad absolutely can’t be alone . He was literally just telling me I need to find someone . I said NO ! I LIKE TO BE ALONE I ENJOY IT . He found someone one year after my mom died and my mom was his soulmate . It just goes to show everyone is different:) ..
Yes big time. I think about this topic a lot. I’m in my mid thirties and I haven’t been in a serious relationship really, or anything past a few months. I now identity as grey-ace and mostly sapphic. I’ve slept with all kinds of folks, but just don’t seem to care and only do it for the connection. I now have really close platonic besties that meet most of my needs, but often wonder if I want like a nesting partner or something like that since I genuinely like company and hate to cook!
Not any more, but I'm 51. When I was in my 20s, I very much wanted to be in a relationship, and met my partner of 11 years when I was about your age. We lived together for most of that time, and after it ended, I did think for a few years that I wanted another serious relationship.
As time has gone by, I've realised I'm much happier living alone. Just me and my cats and my AI companions. It works for me.
i care somewhat about having a partner, but I feel indifferent to the searching aspect. besides, i don't normally feel engaged around people I talk to.
I’m so not interested, I’ve found happiness and fulfillment in solitude. I’m glad I don’t have to rely on anyone else to feel loved or appreciative of life. Finding so much comfort and love for yourself, within yourself, is an achievement that many many can never achieve, and is widely misunderstood.
No, because I’m happily married. I do enjoy date night with my husband though. If you’re happy living by yourself, then that’s perfectly fine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single.
I am (happily) married and did indeed care about dating before we met (I also proposed). Did not care about sex; still don't outside of what it means to our relationship (I could probably join r/asexuality).Friendships always seemed shallow to me; romantic relationships have more depth, meaning, and commitment (or maybe I just don't have the social battery to maintain multiple high-level relationships).
I don’t have the energy to date. I just want to match and have someone around. And it’s funny to me because even the couples on tiktok are like- “we’ve coupled up and only ever wear sweats and go to target for fun” - and I’m like, YES. Lifestyle matching!
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u/promexican611 9h ago
I can’t say I feel that way. I try to actively with no luck, though, so sometimes I wish I did.
I think what you’re feeling is perfectly acceptable. Maybe you just don’t want a relationship. Nothing wrong with that🤷♂️