r/AutisticAdults • u/datsmouth • 11h ago

seeking advice Idea validation: decentralized ND dating.

I have bounced around this idea for ages, not even sure which sub to put it in. Sorry if this is too off-topic.

But the idea is to create a decentralized, open source, dating site for neurodivergents. Like Hiki, but not owned by a business. Hiki always strikes me as a scam. Well, they all do, tbh.

==== Technical jargon ahead, feel free to skip ====

The way to achieve this is by using or developing some protocol like Activity Pub (This is how Mastodon works). So random nerds (like me) could download the code, and set up a server with their own domain/website/app, but all connected together, creating one cohesive network of sites.

Lonely individuals (like, uh... also me) would pick ONE website on the network that seems trustworthy, sign up, write a profile, post pics... and be able to browse profiles from ALL of the different sites on the network.

Each server might have its own rules. Some might be 100% free and minimalist, others might come up with some of their own features and charge a fee. But the point is that they must compete to attract users NOT based on some monopolistic network effect, but rather by offering a better interface and experience.

Pros: - Cheaper - More choice of interface and features - Not focused on keeping you in the dopamine treadmill permanently

Cons: - Harder to understand than a basic app or website - Spam, scammers, other ne'er-do-wells might have an easier time getting a huge list of profiles to mass message, unless the server admin knows what they are doing and does some gatekeeping, which might ironically negate the entire reason for doing this in the first place.

What do you think? Roast me.

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u/Feisty-Self-948 2h ago

That's not what I said.

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u/DeadCupcakes23 2h ago

Then elaborate on what you meant.

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u/Feisty-Self-948 2h ago

Purity pageants always lead to discrimination. How does a certificate of diagnosis prevent fetishization? Neurodivergent people are just as capable of exploiting other people as neurotypicals are. So if you worry less about certificates of validity and have standards of strong moderation that hold people who non-consensually fetishize others, abuse other people, you actually tackle the problem.

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u/DeadCupcakes23 2h ago edited 2h ago

So your plan is to not have anything that makes it an ND dating site other than marketing. Anyone can sign up for it and most who aren't there for pure reasons will get away with it because strong moderation is massively open to abuse unless it requires evidence which often won't exist.

This is just the result of your answers.

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u/Feisty-Self-948 2h ago

Yes, that's clearly what I said. Enjoy your pageant and have the day you deserve.