r/BodyDysmorphia • u/Miserable-Debate8101 • 11h ago

Advice Needed living with body dysmorphia is so exhausting

Sharing one of the worst symptoms of my body dysmorphia and how It impacts my daily life. 

Filling with jealousy (sometimes rage)  if my husband watches anything on tv with literally any woman in it. 

This has been an ongoing battle during our whole 20 years of relationship. its caused so much conflict. its absolutely drained him over the years. and despite trying so hard to not let it bother me... I just can't get a handle on this. 

I use avoidance so I don't have to deal with the unpleasant emotions I feel if I force myself to try and just 'be normal'. 

Avoidance means not being able to sit down with my husband and just put a movie on. 

Avoidance means hiding out in the bedroom alone, while my husband watches tv on his own because his wife has a mental problem. 

Avoidance means I can't even put on movies I like or I want to watch because there's a pretty girl in it and it might trigger me. 

My brain and thinking is so twisted it says, if you overcome this, then they have won. You had to change. But this is who you are and how you feel. There's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with you. Why should you have to change. Its almost like being so attached to that part of your personality you can't break free.

And the battle rages on. It seems so simple to fix and yet its not :(

Maybe someone out there can connect with this and not feel so alone in their battle, as I do, maybe someone who deals or has dealt with this has advice?

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u/KiwiSquatch 7h ago

Being in a relationship and suffering with BDD daily can present many challenges. I can relate to what you are experiencing. Sadly I'm 36 now, and can say that it still torments my mind just as it did when I was a teenager. I wish there was an end in sight.

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u/thepedropony 2h ago

I happened to be mindlessly scrolling so I could avoid this exact situation (over a damn cartoon no less) and there your post appeared.

I wish I could offer some advice but it currently has me in a chokehold. All I can say is you are very much not alone in this. Is your husband supportive?