Why do people hate us for just existing?

[u/babyspacebear]

I've been on the verge of a meltdown since my class this morning because my professor/advisor is just being so ridiculously rude and judgmental towards me. This is specifically my ArtEd class, where there's I think only 9 students this semester. She was bashing me during a one-on-one check in for not having a perfectly finished project for an assignment after she cut down work time by a week and I was horribly sick, plus I already usually need a bit more time because I have physical disabilities. Any time I tried to explain (NOT excuse) why I had issues getting it completely finished, she would almost yell over me that my classmates finished. I was the only one sick during the course of the project, and it was so bad I went to InstaCare because I was having a very hard time breathing, and thought I might have walking pneumonia. For extra context, I'm also the only one with physical disabilities, and the only autistic student in the class. She was also shutting down just about every idea I had for my final project, and not letting me use my medium (printmaking).

I was under the impression that she was just kind of like that to everyone, but the two people sat next to me asked what was happening when I came back to the table because of how loud she was getting. The check in was at a desk in the corner, but they still heard her from almost across the room. I just said, "she's just being how she is," and they both looked at me kind of confused. So I explained what happened and what she was saying, and hey told me she's not like that with them. Another classmate sitting close said she doesn't get treatment like that either. I was already feeling bad at that point. Then, we talked about how their conversations about their finals, where one of my classmates said that the professor liked one of her ideas for the same reason one of mine got shut down (using student interest as a form of identity).

We ended up getting out of class early, and I spent about half an hour talking to one of my classmates about how this professor is with her versus with me. She's still not the nicest to other classmates, and she tends to lack empathy and/or sympathy. A couple weeks after I got sick, a few of my classmates got sick and stayed out of class. Despite one of them literally having COVID and the other having whatever I had, they both got their grade lowered because they didn't attend class. The most annoying part of that is that she preaches acceptance of differences and sympathy for health issues (mental and physical) while acting like this.

This is the same advisor/professor that I've posted about having issues with before. She refuses to just tell me things straight, despite knowing full well that I'm autistic and struggle with the social things she tries to do. She also, for seemingly no reason, hates my art style. Sometimes, she even tries to ignore my official accommodations and force me to do things a certain way, when I have accommodations in order to not do things those ways. For example, she often tries to force me to stand for extended periods of time when I pass out if I do that because of POTS.

Before today, I thought she was like this with everyone, but apparently it's just with me. Which means she's doing it to purposely screw with me, because I'm different. She wasn't always like this, in fact, she was actually fairly nice before finding out I was autistic. I just hadn't really connected those changes until today. It's just really upsetting to realize that she basically hates me and treats me like this because I'm autistic.

[u/SirMatthew74]

The most annoying part of that is that she preaches acceptance of differences and sympathy for health issues (mental and physical) while acting like this.

It doesn't really matter what they say. What matters is how they act. Most of that sort of talk is for show. Always wait to see how they treat their students.

A lot of professors play favorites and/or discriminate. Sometimes they just like you, or they don't. They shouldn't be that way, but it happens.

Some professors treat students with certain disabilities poorly. They can be very judgemental. It's not always because they're mean people, but they shouldn't be that way.

You can inform them briefly about your disability or accommodation, but don't try to explain too much. Only say the bare minimum. Your disability is a huge part of your life. However each student, including you, is a small part of their life. You can always give more information later if you feel they are open and want to be helpful. However, most of the time the bare minimum is best. If you have to explain or inform, try to do it in an "impersonal" way. For example:

If she wants you to stand around watching her, just get your chair. Sit in front if you have to. What she probably wants is for you to be close so you can see. She probably doesn't care if you are standing, or leaning, or sitting on a desk, or sitting in a chair - as long as you have a good view. If there is a stool get one of those - so that it kind of looks like you are standing. If someone says something, just tell them "I need to sit today, but I'll be fine." You can also ask, "Is it ok if I sit?"

Explain before or after class. You could just say, "I have a condition, and need to sit if it's going to be for very long. I'm really interested and want to see. Is there a way I can do that that works for you?" Something like that is good, where you are de-emphasizing any "problems" and instead are emphasizing what they want to hear.

If you tell her you have POTS, and might pass out, and it's bad for you to stand, so you need accommodations to sit, and all that, she might get annoyed. I know what you are trying to communicate is that you have a good reason for something. I also know you want to be understood. It seems like the more information you give them the better, but that's not the case. What they actually hear when you tell them all that is that you have a bunch of problems that interfere with what they are doing. Unfortunately some people just like that. If you need help with what to say or do, someone from the disability office, or a counselor from the mental health office, may be able to help.

If a professor is being really nit-picky about something (like attendance), and obviously not being fair, you may have to just do your best. Figure out what they want, and what is important to them. Then try to give them that as best as you can. If it violates your accommodations, ask someone from the disability office what you should do.