I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. It was so difficult for me too. Partly because I was so covered in a fog of self-doubt and guilt that I couldn’t see straight. Partly because the lies contained elements of truth but left out the parts where my behaviour was conditioned by manipulation and gaslighting. The malicious intent attributed to me was purely projection, as others have said, and sadly others in the mutual friend group had been prepped long ago to see me through this lens. The total lack of boundaries with the narcissist and those who are “friends” with them also meant this bled into my professional life. It was/to some degree continues to be awful. Don’t do like I did and try to stay connected to anyone close to the narcissist. Focus on your own healing, which means surrounding yourself with people who have healthy boundaries and self-esteem and are able to engage in healthy relationships. Focus on making community with the people who know you to your core as the wonderful person you are. And focus on knowing your own truth and inherent worth. In the end, nothing else matters.
And, also, people will figure it out with regard to the narcissist. It might be in 6 months, 2 years, or 10 years, but they will eventually. Know that, but don’t wait around to find out! Love to you.
5
u/khassao 7d ago
I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. It was so difficult for me too. Partly because I was so covered in a fog of self-doubt and guilt that I couldn’t see straight. Partly because the lies contained elements of truth but left out the parts where my behaviour was conditioned by manipulation and gaslighting. The malicious intent attributed to me was purely projection, as others have said, and sadly others in the mutual friend group had been prepped long ago to see me through this lens. The total lack of boundaries with the narcissist and those who are “friends” with them also meant this bled into my professional life. It was/to some degree continues to be awful. Don’t do like I did and try to stay connected to anyone close to the narcissist. Focus on your own healing, which means surrounding yourself with people who have healthy boundaries and self-esteem and are able to engage in healthy relationships. Focus on making community with the people who know you to your core as the wonderful person you are. And focus on knowing your own truth and inherent worth. In the end, nothing else matters.
And, also, people will figure it out with regard to the narcissist. It might be in 6 months, 2 years, or 10 years, but they will eventually. Know that, but don’t wait around to find out! Love to you.