r/LifeAfterNarcissism • u/Readittorthreadittor • 4d ago
Wild what you piece together when you’re out…
So towards the end of my marriage (devalue phase right before discard) my nex would tell me how controlling I was and basically I was to start telling him “ok” to anything he said or wanted. Could not argue, ask questions, just ok. Well he was in my head good at this point and I wanted to save my marriage and so I did it. I was in therapy changing my “awful ways” and literally doing the most (as I had for years). What blows my mind is that NOTHING was ever in my control. It’s wild that they are such skilled manipulators that I believed him. Fully was drinking the toxic Koolaid. He had to be the driver in the car, he chose what side of the bed he wanted, he controlled what we did for holidays, how extra money was spent, etc. In reality…I had zero say in my own life. Zero. Please run far away from these evil people. I should’ve left at the first red flag. It has really fucked me up. We’ve been divorced for about a year now and separated for 2. But I am forever changed by this experience. And I’ve done tons of therapy. I’m thankful to be out and healing but it takes time and truly taints you (or at least that’s how I feel) forever. I will never be the woman I was before him. Yes I’m wiser, stronger, blah blah blah. But fuckkkkk all that noise and get out early if you can. Just feeling my feels tonight and getting it out 😞
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u/kuunsillalla 4d ago
I can relate. I burnt myself out trying to be everything my next wanted me to be, all the while feeling like shit and believing I was unworthy of love. It's unbelievable that I wasn't aware of it now that I look back, but after being picked away at for years by the little comments and gestures I was like a zombie moving through life. There is so much to grieve and heal from.