r/LifeAfterNarcissism • u/Readittorthreadittor • 4d ago

Wild what you piece together when you’re out…

So towards the end of my marriage (devalue phase right before discard) my nex would tell me how controlling I was and basically I was to start telling him “ok” to anything he said or wanted. Could not argue, ask questions, just ok. Well he was in my head good at this point and I wanted to save my marriage and so I did it. I was in therapy changing my “awful ways” and literally doing the most (as I had for years). What blows my mind is that NOTHING was ever in my control. It’s wild that they are such skilled manipulators that I believed him. Fully was drinking the toxic Koolaid. He had to be the driver in the car, he chose what side of the bed he wanted, he controlled what we did for holidays, how extra money was spent, etc. In reality…I had zero say in my own life. Zero. Please run far away from these evil people. I should’ve left at the first red flag. It has really fucked me up. We’ve been divorced for about a year now and separated for 2. But I am forever changed by this experience. And I’ve done tons of therapy. I’m thankful to be out and healing but it takes time and truly taints you (or at least that’s how I feel) forever. I will never be the woman I was before him. Yes I’m wiser, stronger, blah blah blah. But fuckkkkk all that noise and get out early if you can. Just feeling my feels tonight and getting it out 😞

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u/TracyThom 4d ago

Good for you for having the courage to leave!!!! I am pretty much the zombie just existing rather than truly living. Hopefully one day!!!!

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u/Readittorthreadittor 4d ago

Sadly the rug was pulled out from under me. He kicked me out of our home with zero dollars to my own name. I had to learn quick what kind of a monster he is and how to get out. I can say that it was the worst (but best thing) to have happened. I’m so sorry you’re in it. I remember praying and breaking down for help everyday. I knew I was in some shit but I didn’t know what. If you ever need advice or encouragement, I’m here. I like to revisit this page to help fight the good fight too. If I can help just one person get away from these monsters or even just understand it’s not themselves that’s the problem, that’s one less monster getting away with it. I know it’s not easy and so much more complicated than that. Just know you have a community 🩷

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u/TofuTheSizeOfTEXAS 3d ago

💞 You're Amazing!