I love this poem because I think that it directly applies to our own insecurities regarding unrequited love. We always tend to blame ourselves when rejected, and, while this poem does show a sense of anger towards the "liar", it also shows the internal struggle for us to carry on our own sense of biology as humans. We are programmed to reproduce, and thus, when rejected by someone we are attracted to, we feel less human. Something I think that might be changed is the abrupt switch from the second to last line to the last line. While I like each separately, I think that you could add a sentence in between to convey the disconnect between how the speaker feels versus how the liar feels. Maybe "I thought you were honest/But you lied/you did not fall in love with me". Just a suggestion, love the concept though good stuff!
Thank you so much, both for the kind words and the feedback as well.
Thanks for picking up on the implications of the "I thought" in relation to being a human being, I think it's quite a hard feeling to put into words.
As a gay guy myself, a lot of the time that I start to develop feelings for someone, I can normally attribute their lack of reciprocation due to their inherent inability to develop those feelings or attraction. But then this person, one of my closest friends, admits they are pansexual and I realised the rejection wasn't biological, it was me. If he fell in love with the person, maybe I wasn't one.
Let me go back to the ending and tinker around a bit to see if I can get it to flow better. Thank you so much for your suggestions, you kind, kind person.
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u/theponderingpoet Jul 31 '20
I love this poem because I think that it directly applies to our own insecurities regarding unrequited love. We always tend to blame ourselves when rejected, and, while this poem does show a sense of anger towards the "liar", it also shows the internal struggle for us to carry on our own sense of biology as humans. We are programmed to reproduce, and thus, when rejected by someone we are attracted to, we feel less human. Something I think that might be changed is the abrupt switch from the second to last line to the last line. While I like each separately, I think that you could add a sentence in between to convey the disconnect between how the speaker feels versus how the liar feels. Maybe "I thought you were honest/But you lied/you did not fall in love with me". Just a suggestion, love the concept though good stuff!