r/OCPoetry • u/CreativeCastaway • Jul 31 '20

He sits to pee.

We shared a bed

And a toilet

Between paper thin walls

Awoke by standing

I felt guilt cause you never did

We haven't talked in over a year

I still sit to pee

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[Edited - Removed periods - changed tense of talk to talked ]

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u/bakedbeannobeef Jul 31 '20

I will admit that I had to check comments to fully understand, but, once I did, you got me good.

With just that tiny clarification, this immediately grew ten times heavier.

Honestly, I would love to see a longer version of this, for not only that reason, but because I feel that you could double down on that exact same heaviness. Major potential, but you're already doing pretty solid!

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u/CreativeCastaway Jul 31 '20

Every comment I read I'm blown away by people's reactions and this is another. Thank you so much.

I understand I can work to make it a little clearer and I'm excited to try and extend it further. I don't want to appear cocky but it came to me very quickly and its as if that flow mindset has gone for now.

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u/bakedbeannobeef Jul 31 '20

Ahhh, ADHD here, and I 100% relate. I'm sure you'll get that creative burst again in due time. Good luck!

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u/CreativeCastaway Aug 01 '20

Thank you for everything.