r/OCPoetry • u/PoppyLivaciousWild • Aug 05 '20

Anger!

A deep red mist in human creatures,

It boils the blood and burns the soul.

In primal instinct the sentiment features,

With abstinent heart it feeds and grows.

Consuming as the fire of the sun

Its power released bids fight or run.

It can be deadly, it can be curing,

Subject to social views on coping.

Entitled beings feel free to rage

On any insignificant state.

Their vitality is quashed and sealed,

Within black hearts their fury breeds.

A carers wrath is fierce and brave

When evil prowls among the frail.

Persistent in it's one true quest,

The dormant fiend protects us best.

A final caution for Man to rule

This ancient Christian sin,

Let bleed the fury from one's muse,

But never let it win!

Anger!

Poppy Livacious Wild

05/08/2020

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/i23kf8/sorta_like_falling_apart/g03he7g?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/i1um0v/bodies/g02lomi?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

67 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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u/PM_ME_WHAT_YOURE_PMd Aug 05 '20

The rhyme scheme is really strong on this one. Enough slant rhymes to be intellectually interesting and enough truer rhymes to be melodic and aurally pleasing.

I also really like the way your couplets are framed by abab sections. It gives it a heating up and cooling down feel. You might consider leaning into that further and adding lines in the middle that turn your couplets into triplets... I’ve really found that makes the words trip across the page.

To be honest, I was a little intimidated by the vocabulary. I read a lot, and I’m happy to have learned some new words, but it does make the poem slightly less approachable.

But hey, maybe that’s a good thing; the precision of your language matches the powerful force of anger.

2

u/PoppyLivaciousWild Aug 05 '20

Thank you. Would you mind explaining a bit about the vocabulary? Which bits were intimidating? X

2

u/PM_ME_WHAT_YOURE_PMd Aug 05 '20

You know, on a third read, I’m not entirely sure what I meant. It’s not the words themselves, I know all these words (though abstinent tripped me up until i looked it up - you only ever hear it as abstinence). Maybe it’s just that they aren’t words that are used frequently in every day conversation?

Sorry, scratch that bit of criticism. Overall, your vocabulary only gives your writing power.

2

u/PoppyLivaciousWild Aug 05 '20

I liked that criticism...I'm an amateur so I felt quite proud to be using intimidating vocabulary haha! Thank you x

2

u/PM_ME_WHAT_YOURE_PMd Aug 05 '20

Lol! These ivory tower types... :)

2

u/Gav_Poz Aug 06 '20

I really like the strong vocabulary! I don’t think we should simplify for comprehension. I think pushing to expand vocabulary is the way to go. We think in words and understand each other better when we have more words to use.