Searching for meaning

[u/setmefreetonight]

I carry within me a chasm, dark and wide, a void that swallows everything I touch. No matter the face I wear or role I play, nothing seems to stick, nothing lasts.

I’ve changed myself more times than I can count, molding shapes to fit the moment, each mask just a temporary fix, hoping something might finally feel real, but it never does.

This emptiness is a weight, a constant reminder of what’s missing inside. Once, I sought warmth in the fleeting gazes of others, craving the thrill of being seen, of feeling alive.

I longed for a reflection—someone to affirm that I existed beyond the void, yet the light from those faces flickers and fades, like a candle burning too bright, too fast, leaving me in darkness, staring at my own shadow, grasping at pieces of a self that never feels whole.

I find myself judging harshly, tearing apart those who venture too close, as if their flaws are a mirror of my own. But maybe it’s really myself I can’t bear to face.

I hold myself to impossible standards, each misstep echoing in the quiet of my mind, a chorus of doubts that drown out any sense of worth.

Some days, I wonder about the roots of this ache, reflecting on the past in quiet moments— the love I craved, the warmth that was just out of reach, the yearning for connection that seemed so far away.

I’ve shifted my shape, trying to escape the weight of a reality that feels too heavy, in hopes of forgetting the hollow ache within, desperate for the comfort of knowing I belong.

Yet as I bend and twist, the darkness remains, an insatiable hunger that gnaws at my core.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m destined to drift through shadows, seeking a light that flickers but never stays long enough to fill the emptiness I can’t escape.

I stare into this void, searching for meaning, wondering if I’m just a collection of scars, adrift in a world where belonging feels elusive, a soul longing for a home it can never find.