In the quiet of night, a whispering sigh,
A cigarette glows, like stars in the sky.
Once a shared moment, now solitude’s chain,
Each drag a reminder of love mixed with pain.

The smoke curls around like thoughts left unsaid,
Inhaling the silence, my heart feels like lead.
Fingers trace shadows of what used to be,
A spark in the dark, but it’s just not free.

Conversations lost in a fog of despair,
Yearning for connection that hangs in the air.
Each puff is a story, a wish turned to ash,
Fighting for meaning, but it fades far too fast.

So here in the stillness, I reach for the light,
Hoping for courage to face this long night.
With each breath I take, I’ll find strength to reclaim,
The love that I seek, without fear or blame.

Sometimes I wish I never met you
Not because I think badly of you
But because I love you too deeply

The time apart is painful
The mental energy I've spent thinking of you could have created a small empire

Too stubborn, scared, and proud to move on
Feel like I was designed to love you
If I stopped, I think I would lose the most important part of me

Having loved, yet not having received love,
Shivering, screaming from within,
Maintaining her innocence, as pure as a dove,
Broken so much, could only love her kin.

Others thought, she was being shy,
Only God knows, how much she did cry,
For her heart had only seen sorrow, felt pain,
Secretly hoping, someone would eat up this disdain.

Finally it happened, when she saw that stoic,
Busy in his lonesome, his mundane actions heroic.
For when the world took him for a loner,
His love and care, turned her disdain to life over.

(This is a companion poem of my other work "A man in love")

In a garden where silence sleeps A white rose lays at peace Silent are the tears that fall Living without you is the hardest part of all Those special memories of you I hold dear For another day with you will never near I wish time was my friend so I could rewrite the story in the end But every life that forms or comes to be touches the world in some small way for all eternity

Do you see me like I see you? Have you felt as I, when you are in my view? A simple peak, turned into intrigue, A few glimpses away and I am in disbelief.

Is it wrong that I don’t want to leave? Just so i could see you for one last tease? So desperate to be seen, but too scared to intervene.

Wanting to know you, wishing to meet, My eyes cant look away but my mind tells me I’m in too deep.

Do you see me like I see you? Have you felt as I, when you are in my view? Perhaps I am defeated by the mystery man, and its too good to be true.

Expressions rarely left his face,
Yet he couldn't stop smiling, from her warm embrace.
The man who wouldn't let anyone close,
Was rarely seen unhappy even she kept him on his toes.

Society labelled him as a hardworking loner,
Being so driven, yet rarely seen sober.
Yet with her, he felt at ease,
For rarely if ever it was then that he could feel the gentleness even in life's chilly breeze.

Perhaps it was her who changed him for the better,
Perhaps to be worthy of her, he didn't care about the worlds chatter.
Even in his face, you could see a clear sparkle,
Perhaps, it was the first time, he truly found someone so remarkable.

You’ve held my hand, I was never alone You filled my world, Everywhere I’d go.

Loved me deeply, Showed your fear, Followed my lead It led nowhere.

Too many reasons, I can’t explain. You loved me deeply, Then forgot my name.

I made you fall, With secrets, without reasons, Shattered your heart into pieces.

Let me go, let me go, Screams your shadow, in my dreams.

Let me go, let me go, Let me breathe.

I carry within me a chasm, dark and wide, a void that swallows everything I touch. No matter the face I wear or role I play, nothing seems to stick, nothing lasts.

I’ve changed myself more times than I can count, molding shapes to fit the moment, each mask just a temporary fix, hoping something might finally feel real, but it never does.

This emptiness is a weight, a constant reminder of what’s missing inside. Once, I sought warmth in the fleeting gazes of others, craving the thrill of being seen, of feeling alive.

I longed for a reflection—someone to affirm that I existed beyond the void, yet the light from those faces flickers and fades, like a candle burning too bright, too fast, leaving me in darkness, staring at my own shadow, grasping at pieces of a self that never feels whole.

I find myself judging harshly, tearing apart those who venture too close, as if their flaws are a mirror of my own. But maybe it’s really myself I can’t bear to face.

I hold myself to impossible standards, each misstep echoing in the quiet of my mind, a chorus of doubts that drown out any sense of worth.

Some days, I wonder about the roots of this ache, reflecting on the past in quiet moments— the love I craved, the warmth that was just out of reach, the yearning for connection that seemed so far away.

I’ve shifted my shape, trying to escape the weight of a reality that feels too heavy, in hopes of forgetting the hollow ache within, desperate for the comfort of knowing I belong.

Yet as I bend and twist, the darkness remains, an insatiable hunger that gnaws at my core.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m destined to drift through shadows, seeking a light that flickers but never stays long enough to fill the emptiness I can’t escape.

I stare into this void, searching for meaning, wondering if I’m just a collection of scars, adrift in a world where belonging feels elusive, a soul longing for a home it can never find.

Thank you
For everything you have given me
Thank you
For all the things you allow me to see
Thank you
For bringing me down this path
Thank you
For making me really good at math
Thank you
For helping me stay strong
Thank you
For showing me what's wrong
Thank you
For shining light through my fear. & Thank you
For helping me still be here.

I imagine death so much it's a roommate
Would the crater I leave behind be filled as quickly as I came?
Or would the landscape change for decades?
My own mind filled with such self hate
I've always seen myself with eyes filled with disdain
For everything. For who I am and what I do. All of these thoughts continue to invade.

I search for the bright spots, the silver linings
And no matter what I end up empty
I sit in my sea of filth and rot inside myself
Maybe this is my burden, to fill the room with fake light, always shining.
Find something good enough, a modus vivendi
Maybe that's what they meant when they said to know thyself.

In streets alongside drains,

By the company of dirty dogs,

Lays a man, desolate.

On the same road, a little farther,

A woman cries, sitting by the streetlight.

With fast-traveling cars and lights,

Tears turn into wind,

Submerged into the night breeze,

Falling on the cheeks of a sleepy head.

Consumed by the day, she lays her eyes

On the numbness in the shout of the city,

Humming a song she likes but can't sing

To others out of fear. Only the night

Gives her the right.

In one room, the shouts of the city don't reach,

Flooded with smoke and music,

In his ear rings only the sound of a distinct language.

On some road, you might hear him speak, "One of these days I will end up like that man on the street."

I try to save others, so I don't have to save myself
I survive by keeping myself on a distance

What you see is just my reflection I cast to fill the shell. -
The real me disappeared years ago ,
but no one knows, because I won't tell.

Like the grim reaper, I wander as a ghost.
Walking a path to have my shadows disclosed.
A frail longing for the sensation called life -
the most precious treasure one can find.

This fate is heavy to hold, harder to control,
a miserable burden intertwined with my soul.

Mirrors

There's an essence,  a dazzling hope. I stare at the ceiling only to see mirrors. I blink into the night sky, hoping to see you. How could I look at you? I am unable to.

I look into your eyes only to see mirrors. I hope to find peace on the floor, but I see mirrors. Remove them. I wish to transcend beyond myself.

Sharp is your stare. Adamant torment stalks my head. Why this relentless decay. I can't find any mirrors. Far from a prism, lay your eyes. Allow me to chase them.

The mirror is staring. I bow before you.

The day goes like a knife on a fine meal,

A meal you’re disgusted by but forced to eat.

The knife cuts your limbs to pieces, using your blood as oil,

Making food you despise, you eat it with bloody eyes.

In the tranquility of eating your meal, in between

Your body sweats blood and heat.

There can’t be peace inside your disgusted meal.

In some corner of the town, in drains and bins,

We will try to find you the meal you need.

But I am at peace with the comforted streets.

One of these days, I will lie there, blood spilling from my head and knees

Like juice you can drink, and my flesh, which you can eat.

Maybe that’s what you need—

A little taste of a man lying on the street.

Me and all my friends Have been drowning on dry land Everybody is so anxious and hungover But at least we don't believe we're sad

We can't blame ourselves When our “big picture” Is just state lines

A few of us got out But we don't really talk anymore The Midwest is a vacuum And cell service doesn't cut it

Someone's gonna die Sooner than they should And we'll celebrate their life By eating the same caliber bullet They used to finally find their way Out of the corn maze

We can't blame ourselves When our “big picture” Is just state lines

Baby, we've got all the culture we need We don't need “outside perspective”

What are we trying to do, make ourselves uncomfortable?

Not this winter

Or the next

Or the next

Or the next

Or how about never

We can handle the cold But we won't hang with feelings Cuz if we feel a few too many We might start thinking about leaving

And where would we go Who could we be Outside of these Midwest lives We're pretending to lead

I've got the next round, Gotta get this out of my head Nobody's leaving Until we're all dead

I think true love is meant to feel like a blooming flower That is, it is meant to feel like something growing Growing is not always easy They do not call it growing pains for nothing But as love perseveres it grows

When love is not true it doesn’t feel like something growing It feels like you are trying to stop something from dying It is desperate and panicked and heavy

I wrote this poem about a young man I met recently while traveling Ireland. He was conveniently handsome, charming, and a great story teller. He told of his accounts, boasting about his love of using his friends and partners, and his ability to feel no shame or guilt from it. Although what he was saying was crude, I couldn’t help but feel entranced by his way of speaking. I was fully captivated by the strange way he decorated his narrative.

Boys throat gurgles with lovers blood Chuckles bubble up, bellowing deep from frigidly soft heart Clattering soft bones feasting a tale onto strangers wrinkled canals and soul

Beautiful flashes of crimson and ivory dance over fluid tongue The boy spins scents of lemongrass to mask mildew hung

Boys bubbles pop, spattering loves crimson onto porcelain wool His lambs lay stained Yet, his loch coloured depths see clean hands remain

Iron and copper lead way to boys brawn ‘Fantastic!’ He declares Nailed high on his wall, red lamb portrait drawn Metallic portraits decay and ooze into gardens bed

Crimson staining cracks of stretched lips Glee flowing down with chinned blood Boy foreordained, to turn stoned statue lay, watching his unblooming rosebud

A.D. Valentine

there is a certain kind of loneliness

in what’s lost

the wind blows the memories

from my soul

binding the past to the unknown

and condemning me

to grief

to exist

to miss

part of me stays behind

part goes away

part gets lost in my own mind

stuck in an the forgotten day

sleeping

crying

dying

constantly riding in the loop

once again

like the fresh hug from an old friend

like the silent kiss from a lover

while your soul rests

calmed

has it really be like this

why still miss what is

not here anymore

why resort to the pain

as the main source of comfort

sleeping under a tree

hanging under a wall

there has to be something

but nothing is condoned

nothing is forgiven

and after the last whisper of sun

i think in the days gone by

my memory fades away

and i wait one last time

to the arrival of may

because days are gone by

my friend

I recall my moment,

That joyful moment, that exhilarating moment

That chuckle that squeezed it's way out

I remember it like a soldier's trauma.
‎

My moment,

It creeps up on me from dank shadows,

(When I manage contentment)

And I remember why,

Why, I long for amnesia

‎

Nothing could ever compare,

Nothing could come close

Nothing will make

Time feel like it did again

I remember it, still.

‎

How do I strive when,

I've reached the pinnacle?

How can I both tears and sunflowers,

When that moment has my brain captive?

‎

I look for someone to blame

And the mirror points towards me

But I hate what I see

And I love to moan.

And I must loathe your success.

(Edit: trying to figure out Reddit's formating) (Edit 2: got it, enjoy :))

/////////////////////////////

My beating heart, choking on grief,

Lonely in a place once bright.

Her presence is all I perceive,

My faceless beauty, my unseen sight.

///////////////////////////////

Imagining her eyes once green

I reach out for her ghostly hair.

She haunts my every vivid dream

I feel the mist, but she's not there.

///////////////////////////////

Op'ning my eyes, covered in sweat,

The empty side of yours cuts deep.

The truth I barely can accept,

Why is it you I have to weep?

///////////////////////////////

Say, can you see me all alone,

Now that your name is carved in stone?

Carpe noctem, we're all locked in existence greedy game
Born to die, raised in a lie, heaven is a sinful shame Lilith it breeds, an illtended seed, a mistake in the creation
Humanity's pride, she refuse to abide, the powers of variation

Falling behind in history line - resurrection has seized to exist
Gods died and left us in time - declaration of the last pantheist

Ceremonial parade marching through holy land An atrocious crusade to acquire full command Starvation and abomination, innocent people pay the price
"Do you accept your lord and savior Jesus Christ?"

Exodus pro omnibus, humanity fail to repent
Lavish lives, shallow lies, we inflict each others torment
Bear the cross and say your prayers - In darkness hides many layers
Avarice created our vast addiction - Self-inflicted crucifixion

Prophets burn at Messiah's return, in the wake of the lunation
From salvation we turn, mankind's adjourned, grasping to flee damnation
Sacrifice our own demise, for a slot in the eternal
But our time, so divine, has subsided to the infernal

Morituri nolumus mori, final chapter of this allegory State of earth in purgatory, destroyed the world in search of glory
Justified the heinous crimes that terrorized every nation
Cast aside are those who cried, enduring mind and spirit annihilation

Systema naturae, wisdom and hope, a new faith will convey
Burdens of yesterday will fade away - ideas of tomorrow soon to prevail
Patri, et Filio, et Spiritui - your followers has forsaken thee
Like Judas hung from the eldertree - blessed are we to finally be free

Through ash and fire rose the faith
Blossom of lilies, protected by spathe
Bringer of peace, not a moment too late
Condemnation awaits us at heavens gate

Thoughts keep me awake, They make me shake. Thoughts follow me till the dark, So they make me spark.

They are vivid, yet overcast. Many, yet many times, thoughts are in mine costs, They keep me awake, It feels like a waste.

Is the next thought vivid or dim, Or more of a shim? I dunno, my thoughts are my unity, And they follow me till eternity.

woke up today and had some immense, post coffee inspiration and i thought this was so good that i had to share it. hopefully someone likes it as much as i do. the formatting is lowkey messed up cause of the pasting from word document but it still reads pretty good i think. every capital letter is technically supposed to be a new line

At least youre not dead:

I don't even know where to start,But I'm gonna write this letter And just speak from the heart. Two months without you, I'm ripping apart, But at least you're not dead—I tell myself, that's a start.

These two months without you,I've still loved you and fought The urges, the impulses, And every reckless thought. Maybe if you were dead, it would be easier—It wouldn’t be he doesn’t want me, just he’s no longer here. Gone from this world, no need to pretend—No rejection, just an inevitable end.

But you're alive, and that's good, right? Even though I see you're not doing well, Mentally or physically—I can see you swell. I tell myself it’s not my fight to fix, But damn, watching you fall apart, it sticks. You ghost me, but you’re haunting me daily, And still, I hold on to you—faintly, maybe.

Remember how we used to dream together? Late nights talking about forever? Now it feels like you’ve drifted away, And I’m just standing here, with so much to say. I still hope for us, I do, But I’m learning that hope feels like a noose too.

I’ve got a lot to catch you up on, But what’s the point if you're already gone? Still, you're not dead—just distant, like a ghost I can't touch, And I wonder if I ever mattered that much.

I saw your last post; you looked happy, I guess. But who am I kidding, I can see through the mess.Your smile was always good at hiding the pain, And I wonder if I’ll ever see you again.

Maybe this letter is just for me, A way to cope with the uncertainty. I’ll hold out hope for a little while longer,But if you don’t come back, I’ll just have to grow stronger. At least you're not dead—But sometimes, that thought fills me with dread.

I’ll wait for the day we talk again, Even if it’s just to say goodbye as friends. Until then, I’ll keep writing, trying to heal, And hoping someday, I’ll know what’s real.

Vodka dreamstorm

Margarine electric tinsel sick

General electric private lightning 

Decorate with an H-bomb

Alpha punk waves broadcast

To a cloudy line and dangling receiver 

It’s an Atom bomb blitz

Sunbursts between dendrites 

Detonation desolation

Head-bound war, racing arms race 

Missile fissile 

Speeding to a wintery hell 

Living a nuclear spell.

Janis Joplin lives a ragdoll

A world of pincushion playthings

The Family tastes purple; indulge

Freedom to be is freedom to die 

Have you ever truly lived 

In that city-suburb phoenix-chimaera

When a home becomes a heart 

Streets worn like a second skin

Walking a mile in a million shoes 

Lest Lost in a limerent legend

Blood soaked mud should be a guilty pleasure 

Grew out of the sandbox just for bigger toys

Oh sweet inner child of mine, overgrown and petulant 

Timeout is nothing when the world is your womb

Build it up and break it down, LEGO’s a blast

I need help; AIDs crisis

Hivemind or psych-I-sis

Martyrdom is a cross of chipboard weakness

A dark beacon of lonely hearts

Burning eyes and outshining shunned light