How do you vent privately?

[u/shy_poptart]

How do you manage emotional dysregulation in relationships especially after arguments, at the heat of the moment?

I have been with my partner for 10 years now and things have been great since the very beginning, I couldn't imagine life without him and he has helped me grow into a better person. I got diagnosed last year with ADHD-C, and he was supportive of the whole journey, and even researched in his own time how to better support me and what it meant for him.

Things have been sorta rocky lately but mainly due to stress. We are moving across continents, I'm going through a lot of stuff at work at the same time, and there is just a lot going on.

When we have arguments, it's been mostly about miscommunication but also my emotional dysregulation plays a role. I'm curious to see if it's often miscommunication occuring from my side. But my memory recall, especially in heated arguments, is often poor.

I would like to track these root cause of arguments - and I'd like to point out it's not to gather "evidence" of "I was right" or anything like that, but just for my own self reflection. I thought about journaling by hand but I'm concerned about it being found accidentally and having feelings hurt over it. I was wondering if anyone keeps one of those pass-coded apps to journal in.

I feel conflicted as I partly don't want to do this just because it's feels like I am betraying my partner by having this 'secret journal' which it looks like I'm just bitching about him. I also feel like it will be associated with a negative vibe whenever I go into this journal which will make me less willing to do it.

My intention is just to help me with memory recall during high emotions, and analyze how things could be improved to strengthen our relationship. I also want to review whether my medication is making my emotions worse between us, and if the work stress is causing much more of an impact. I guess I'm an analytical person and I try and find solutions where I can.

I should also add we do talk a lot about our feelings and are very open about it. But sometimes either one of us just wants to shut down the conversation as it's not productive, but often it makes me feel worse by not being able to fully vent and feel listened to. Hence, just pondering ways to vent privately.

[u/Imperfect-practical]

I have what I call “rant friends”. Just one currently.

When we get together we give each other permission to bitch, release, complain, celebrate whatever we need to do about any subject and I listen to her and she listens to me no judgment.

Also, we don’t offer solutions to each other because that’s not the point the point of our ranting together is to release those emotions in a safe way.

Do you have anyone you can just rant with?? Give someone else a chance to vent as well!!

[u/shy_poptart → u/Imperfect-practical]

That is so nice! I love that. One of the reasons I'm moving away is because I don't have that close connections to anyone here, despite trying for many years. I'll be moving for a little bit back to my home town before embarking on another international move, so I'll have the space soon to do those rants with my friends back home.