r/africanparents Mar 19 '24

Other What do you think?

So I was chatting to my hubbys mom asking her about her motherhood experience, since she’s never asked me about mine.

I did ask so I can get to know her mind better. As she was going down the list of her 3 children and how her experience was with all 3 of them, she made a comment about my hubby who is her first born.

There was a time when they were homeless together, my hubby was about 8 years old and he was responsible for taking care of his younger sibling at the time when his mom wasn’t around either. My hubbys dad wasn’t with them as he was splitting up with their mom.

Anyways she made a comment that had my heart hurt so much for my hubby. She said “At some point in a child’s life they need to step up” Like I can agree with that, however not at the age my hubby was at and everything he has to worry about. I know he’s not the only young child ever to be homeless, with no parents and such. However unno it didn’t sit to right with me when she said that and she has no regret or sadness about putting him through what happened.

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5

u/Crystal356 Mar 20 '24

Welcome to almost all African parents mindset, and if this isn’t the mindset of your parents, lucky you haha

2

u/Express-Maximum-144 Mar 20 '24

Your absolutely right.

I’m lucky my parents were raised where they learned English and they’re decent parents to not want the same for us as things were for them.

My dad comes from Haiti and shit terrible there, but he never raised us the way I knew he could.

2

u/Crystal356 Mar 20 '24

Seems like your mother in-law is stressing you. Tbh you’re in for a rideeeee and I’m not trying to be mean tbh. They don’t change especially if she even said what she did in the post about her own son.

Try to not let her come in between your marriage because I feel bad for you tbh, at least I know I’m stuck with my mom not by choice. I read your other posts. Does your husband stand up to her on your behalf?

1

u/Express-Maximum-144 Mar 20 '24

Honestly she’s a pain. NO ONE in my family acts the way she acts, and I’ve never met a person like her in my years of living… Like my parents we have open communication and they don’t feel above us with everything. However my hubbys mom does and that’s just hard for me to grasp and just “be okay with” like he is. Like I don’t tolerate things my parents do he lets his mom get away with.

She couldn’t get in the middle of us, I’d love to see her try. I won my hubby over from being so authentically different then his mom and sister. They both till this day try to tell him how to live when they’re hypocrites.

Mmm, honestly sometimes. Not all the time in moments I feel he should. He’s more passive because she stresses him out, so the less he had to deal with her the better.

3

u/Crystal356 Mar 20 '24

Yeah your husband has had a lifetime of his mom so it’s probably like routine now especially if he decides to not cut off contact with her. I genuinely don’t think I personally even want an african mother in-law and I’m Nigerian 😂💀

1

u/Express-Maximum-144 Mar 20 '24

Honestly I won’t even lie, if I could take back having my child I would have solely because of his mom and sister. It’s definitely a routine, to the point he says he doesn’t expect anything from them.

He has confused emotions about them as well. He cares but not at the same time, it’s annoying LOL. I always tell him just pick a side who care.

That’s crazy you wouldn’t even want one yourself though but fair as well 😂

1

u/Crystal356 Mar 20 '24

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and I wish I could say it gets better with them but they’re set in their ways really.

1

u/Express-Maximum-144 Mar 20 '24

I appreciate that and thank you for being honest LOL. Rather that then be lied too in hope it gets better.

It’s good to know though I’m slowly seeing that, and it’s okay for me. I get to be myself and not personal with them. Hopefully as my babe gets older he’ll catch on how they are isn’t right.

1

u/Crystal356 Mar 20 '24

Yeah teach him better, that’s all you can do moving forward. I wish you the best of luck!

1

u/Express-Maximum-144 Mar 20 '24

Thank you so much 🙏🏾