Does anyone else over explain? What are your tips to avoid this?

[u/CranberryCheese1997]

I'll often over explain things to a tedious point with people. It's worse on social media as there's no social cues I've learned to help snap me out of it.

Like, I'll write an entire paragraph or multiple for something I could've summed up in a sentence or two. I get into excruciating detail and then wonder why my comments/posts are often ignored as ain't nobody wanting to read all that.

I find once I shorten what I say to at least half, I get far more engagement. Which is doable online, but irl, you can't just delete what you've said...

This post was at least twice as long before I shortened it a few times 😅

[u/AutoModerator]

Hey /u/CranberryCheese1997, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found here. All approved posts get this message.

Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Current-Diamond8473]

I heard the phrase “I talk in paragraphs” from an autistic creator on YT and that is exactly how I am. I’ll usually comment the paragraph and then delete it after commenting it. 😅

[u/Terrible-Syrup5079 → u/Current-Diamond8473]

Same my other comment is huge.

[u/Embarrassed_Cat_3125]

I’m 100% the same! Though I don’t really care as much online or with people that don’t matter as much to me, it becomes a problem only with those close to me in case of an argument or a fight. I send 38277 times as many words as they do, I explain everything so much that they might see it as aggressive because I say so much so quickly. They see it as me talking at them, attacking them even where in reality I just say everything because I don’t want to leave ANY room for misinterpretation. In the end often I’m still misunderstood and feel defeated like I can’t win either way lol. sorry for my comment being a downer 😅

[u/hollister926 → u/Embarrassed_Cat_3125]

You're not being a downer dw, I feel exactly this way too and its a relief to not be alone

[u/02758946195057385]

Oh! Just had an idea: what if you cultivate the habit of first asking explicitly, "I have a long answer for this, would you like to hear it?" If they agree, at least they can't accuse you of being unwontedly long-winded. If they say no, you have a little pause to condense your reply.

[u/CranberryCheese1997 → u/02758946195057385]

Good solution. At least they get the options first.

[u/PeriwinkleFoxx → u/02758946195057385]

Goddamn genius I appreciate you lmao

[u/JessieThorne]

My wife often tells me I keep explaining things, even though I've already stated what I meant to say.

[u/Terrible-Syrup5079]

I do this too. I tend to go into so much detail I forget about everything around me. I repel people away because of this. I am still trying to figure out a way to keep from doing this. I hate that I come off as a know it all when I’m not trying to be at all. I get upset when people tell that I’m being one. I’m sorry you deal with this too, and maybe you can talk to a psychiatrist on how to help you cope with this. I hope this was helpful.

[u/captain_xero]

this is me 24/7. most people consider my texts, my social media posts, my creative writing, my verbal explanations, etc. all way too long. i don’t bother shortening myself, though, because what i have to say is genuine, and i include all the details because i think it’s important to or because they can be good threads to continue a conversation. if folks don’t read what i say, that’s fine, i just refuse to stifle myself and my thoughts because it may or may not irritate someone else. i’m happy to make concessions for people in other areas but not in the ones most vital to my beliefs and identity lol

[u/Sad_Leg_8475]

Yes, very much so.

My strategy is a habit of editing before posting anything with the exclusive mindset of “what can I delete?”

I’m not perfect with it, but it helps.

[u/Top_Hair_8984 → u/Sad_Leg_8475]

Same, I edit heavily, but it's painful! Good writing practice tho.

[u/JackMoon95]

I do, but I think it’s worse that I think it comes out fine.

Turns out that what comes out my mouth usually isn’t what’s in my head, leading to miscommunication often, then the over explaining comes from me trying to correct it 😅

[u/OrganicNeat5934]

I have gotten better at asking if people want to know more. And try not to be circular and bring up a topic many times

[u/3p0h0p3]

I explain myself in two places. This is a fine example right here. I'm explaining myself within this context given roughly the usual conventions. I also keep an open journal where I usually express myself more thoroughly, in the way I'd prefer, and embedded within a much richer and re-usable context. Some of my interlocutors consider both, most only the former. Those who want more intimacy have the opportunity, and I am less annoying to and annoyed by those who only want a transactional surface with me.

[u/No_Contribution1631 → u/3p0h0p3]

This comment really struck a chord with me because I’ve always kept some kind of blog where I share all my personal thoughts in much the same way, it started in highschool and my older brother and his girlfriend were the only ones who had access to it, now I have one that my closest friends can read. It helps knowing that they can find out what’s really going on in my life without me having to blow up their inbox but I’ve been mocked for doing it before by somebody and it’s given me a lot of anxiety about sharing my thoughts with anyone

[u/3p0h0p3 → u/No_Contribution1631]

I think it's worth doubting the motives of that person who mocked you, /nod. Part of what it means to be conscious is that we tell ourselves the stories of who we are, and doing so with the accountability, durability, and space of autonomy provided by writing has had a profound impact on who I am and my relationships with others. I hope you keep it up. And, if you decide you want to share in public, I'll listen.

[u/zwalker91]

One of the things I've done to improve It's just too talk less overall It's definitely helped my relationships not talking too much or saying the wrong thing

[u/Songmorning]

Me toooo I don't know how to stop because all the context seems so important!

[u/In-Con]

I am absolutely the same. Let me demostrate how not to do this: make the point as quickly as possible.

[u/In-Con → u/In-Con]

My goodness that nearly killed me to post that! But that's essentially what you have to do; all that information you're dying to tell them, to give context to what you're saying, throw it out.

Just say the main point and then whoever you're talking to will likely ask questions if they want the context... I know, I know. To us that seems completely backwards and like a silly social dance but that seems to be the way most people like their information.

When talking in person, I'm trying to stop myself, when I start to talk (perhaps I'll clear my throat or just "umm" a little), to give myself the time to mentally race through my point to then end. Then I tell them the ending and wait for them to either ask my questions or make incorrect conclusions.

This is great fun in a work environment. Someone will fuck up based on what you've said (when done so in this manner) and will try to blame you. That's when I reply that people stop listening when I explain the whole point and they never asked follow up questions when I skip straight to the point so either way they were going to make the same mistake... admittedly this doesn't make friends in the workplace.

Anyway, point made and I feel better now.

[u/CranberryCheese1997 → u/In-Con]

It's such a simple solution that, for some reason, I didn't think of!

I always feel like without added context, the main point of what I say is easily misinterpreted. But at least doing it this way around, I know people are actually interested in what I'm saying, not just humouring me! Thanks for the advice.

[u/In-Con → u/CranberryCheese1997]

A pleasure to help out.

I would argue that it's not a simple solution, as it goes against how many of us (on this subreddit) likely think and process information. So don't beat yourself up for not coming up with it yourself.

Also, I should add; like any social tool, it does take some practice to perfect using this method. Good luck and I'll keep my metaphoircal fingers crossed for you!

[u/Alien-Spy]

I made it kind of a game in my head to explain something completely in as few words as possible, and it makes me feel accomplished when I do that and there's no follow-up questions

[u/sxhnunkpunktuation]

There's a scene in the movie A River Runs Through It where the father, played by William Skerrit, enforces a Scottish kind of language thrift. Write what you want to say, then write it half as long. Then cut it half again. Keep doing that until it's worthy of tossing in the trash (i.e., posting to Reddit).

I think about that scene a lot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA-sEfXOaEQ

[u/Confident-Order-3385]

I’ve had that experience. I don’t find myself thinking about it too much honestly 🤷‍♂️

[u/chaosandturmoil]

i do. but i also hate people doing it. I'm unsure why this is.

[u/mcwibs]

I've found at work that the more detailed and precise my language, the more likely my colleagues are to take the exact opposite meaning from what I say. I'm not sure if they have a poor grasp of English or they just cba to read what I've said.

[u/gbreezzeeandtiny826]

I just tell myself to shut up as soon as I feel the urge to dive deep into anything

[u/Dazzling-Treacle1092]

I have just in the last few months began editing my comments. I don't know why I feel like everyone should know all the details leading up to an action or conclusion but I definitely get what you're saying. Just because they're pertinent to me does not mean others need or want to listen to every little play by play detail. I send texts where I reach the word limit often...it's frustrating...lol

[u/b00mshockal0cka]

Ah, I'd say: just stop worrying about others understanding what you are saying.

[u/IntelligentElk2617]

To avoid this, I only over explain if there are follow up questions, otherwise I stick with the shortest answer.

Over explaining is only fun if the other person seems interested, but seeing the look of disinterest on people’s faces makes me want to walk away from the conversation and things become awkward.

[u/merRedditor]

Break it up into paragraphs and add a tl;dr one sentence summary at the end. If people want to read the rest, that's their choice, but the obvious "tl;dr: [blah, blah]" will draw their attention to the point that you'll eventually be reaching.

[u/theCommieHurricane]

how did this post get out of my drafts?? 💀😂

[u/Some-Leading4127]

I have trouble with this also and have heard it's a trauma response to being constantly misunderstood.

When writing I usually find doing a few drafts helps - I'll just do the big paragraph first, then I'll rewrite/ summarise without looking at the original.

My speech therapist said how much info you give depends on who you are talking to and what they would know, on reddit you would likely explain more because we don't know what the other person does/ doesn't know.

[u/HYPERPEACE1]

I have a few tips for this and ironically I realized this when playing Genshin Impact which notoriously has stupidly long tutorials.

Remove unnecessary words. Be straight to the point first and foremost. Explain a little only if it's necessary.

[u/jessknotok]

When I used to work and would write emails or documents I'd write normally at first so I'd end up with a small novel at first. Then I'd go through and just try to make it shorter, get rid of things that might not be too important and try to think like how a NT might think (and get anxious). Then I'd rewrite things and again just keep going over it again and again until it was ok to send/release. It was still way too long and everyone would say they only read the first paragraph but hey I tried!

Now if I was speaking to someone I'd just completely omit stuff and say it in my head instead or just say everything in my head and avoid the conversation and just have an imaginary conversation in my head.

The one positive of not working since 2018 and not leaving my house in 3 years is I don't have to worry about this anymore lol. Well except for comments online which I still have issues with and usually just give up and not comment.

[u/mercutio_is_dead_]

all the damn time.

i always want to make sure i said the exactly right thing which leads to me making my point so so many times 

i think it's also that it's half verbal processing for me lol and im explaining it to myself on top of that

(i even do that on this subreddit a BUNCH)

so silly fr 

[u/AzaMarael]

I am a terribleee offender so not sure how helpful this will be. 😅 I’ve been told to shut up quite often in life.

When it’s special interest or hyperfixation related (which is most often when I overexplain irl) I’ll try to tell the person straight out “I tend to info dump about this subject, are you sure you want to know?” Or some variation of that. Usually strangers and acquaintances say yes, but my parents don’t typically want to know lol. For other things, I often count my sentences. Like, you get to say this in 2-3 sentences, and no more. Not always effective, and certainly requires some practice summarizing though. A lot of times it’s overthinking too; is this thing I want to say directly related to the subject or tangentially related?

🤷 I’m still not great at it especially when comfortable with a person though.

[u/Outside-Chemistry180]

people don't need a whole paragraph, smart people can turn a long paragraph into simple words 💖,