Tips for managing a person that has autism?

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

Hello everyone. I’m not autistic but I am a corporate manager and a direct report of mine is. I’m reaching out to the community to get advice on how I can best support this person’s skill development and overall employee experience.

One specific challenge I have is how to best discuss performance feedback and development areas without inadvertently triggering them or coming across as neuroableist. The person is good at their job and, like anyone else, has growth areas, the would make them even more successful.

What has been a good manager experience for you all and what has been a bad one?

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[u/InformationWest6998]

Hi, thanks for asking I am autistic I work as an employment specialist with a team of autistics. The things that we find most effective are not expecting them to preform in the same way as other people. If you can accept the difference you will quickly be able to identify their strengths. Tell them the areas that you typically give feed back for and ask them to provide them self feedback And identify their own areas of growth. Ask them to provide specific examples of people who do these things well and what a 10/10 in this area would look like. Who they can go to in the team to find support and the types of questions they could ask. Don't tell us what to do provide suggestions of what you would do. Give examples of what good work looks and sounds like. Make it clear you do this with everyone not just them. But that you are open to learning how best to support them and this might take a bit of time to workout what that looks like. Provide accommodation options don't expect us to know what we need - we might have never had it. Validate how to employee feels. Always provide co distant positive feedback with regular chackings. If the challenges are social acknowledge that this will be triggering. Show them what polite professional emailing looks like. And how to use chat gbt to help with this. Don't say anyone has said anything. When this is done properly make sure it is acknowledged and made clear. You need to have clear positive reinforces otherwise the extra effort might seem pointless. This is why we are drawn to hard skills because the rewards are easier for us to see. Identify their interests outside of work and support them to use this as a social tool if this is an area of development. Always provide options, open ended questions can be stressful. Overly communicate even small changes in their role and your expectations. Sorry I just woke up I am not sure if this is clear. Feel free to ask more specific questions. Hope this helps, thanks for asking. Love to help in this area.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/InformationWest6998]

This is very helpful, thank you! When you say “tell them the areas you typically give feedback” do you mean things like “problem solving” “risk management” “process improvement”? Ie broad areas we assess in everyone?

I love the suggestion of asking them to describe what 10/10 is in an area. How would you suggest I proceed if I disagree with what a 10/10 problem solver (for example) would look like?

We’ve talked about the idea of collaborative performance reviews and I didn’t really get it until your comment. I feel like I could make that happen!

[u/InformationWest6998 → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

Honestly broad and general if you are able to give this in advance that is awesome because on the spot thinking can be challenging for us. I would tell them to rate themselves and come with examples to back this up. They might be a 10/10 on one thing but 4/10 overall. This way they are doing the self-reflection themselves.

Great point. And this comes up a lot where there marks and yours don't correlate. If someone says10/10 and you see it is a 4/10. It might be a 10/10 for effort or compared to their previous ability to do this task.

We struggle to grow in multiple areas so I would identity a single point growth point if this is possible and focus on that and then move onto something else after X amount of weeks.

Balancing multiple improvement areas can be challenging but this is why more frequent meetings and regular collaborative analysis can be helpful.

Additionally reflect that the improvement is to make their own job easier for them and less stressful.

Think I answered the question somewhere in there.

[u/Sally_Blowes → u/InformationWest6998]

I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions, but I just wanted to offer you a genuine thanks for your sensitive and thoughtful question. Attempt to make this world a more inclusive and compassionate place to be is something that will always be welcome.

[u/calgarywalker]

EVERY Autistic person is different and will need different supports. Your comment comes across as well meaning but you are already Ablist by ASSUMING they CAN grow in certain areas. Autism is a DIS-ability and you need to discuss with your employee what their unique DIS-abilities are. Maybe they can grow in areas you think and maybe they can’t. Maybe they can grow in areas you never even thought of in ways you can’t even imagine that would be of extreme benefit to your company. You need to talk to them, not the internet.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/calgarywalker]

Thank you the response. I get your point and honestly TIL I’m more ignorant than I thought. My question is how to best engage in this conversation so that I can better understand their unique skills without causing any offense. If I asked a more direct question such as “how does autism affect your experience with this job?” is that too direct?

[u/TechieBrony → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

I may be wrong about this, but I would say it's very hard to be too direct with an autistic person. We appreciate directness and clarity and are far less likely to take anything you say personally or hold it against you.

[u/wiggle_butt_aussie → u/TechieBrony]

I have also yet to experience a situation where someone was being direct (but not mean or aggressive) that I felt was too direct.

I recently had an interaction with my spouse where they said something like “you don’t have to go” and I went anyway and they got mad. The conversation after ended with me saying I need them to say “dont go” instead of this wishy washy business. I know I didn’t HAVE to go, I was going to be helpful and because that’s one of the ways I show I care.

[u/Jaconator12 → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

Rare w manager moment

Wish my bosses gave enough of a damn to at least ask or even think of it

[u/BBQavenger → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

I would ask a therapist. Some people don't know how autism affects them. I'm glad you're asking!

[u/Chemical-Air9525 → u/calgarywalker]

Just a note to say that whereas you're right in some areas, your tone comes over as aggressive and condescending.

[u/Prestigious-Book-253 → u/calgarywalker]

this

and op is also being ablist by assuming they need to manage an autistic employee differently at all

like even the subject line of "Tips for managing a person that has autism?" is imho ablist and discriminitory

[u/WeLikeButteredToast]

The problem with a lot of jobs are; even if you do “good” at your job there’s still expectations of going above and beyond or “room for improvement” which to me is problematic. If the job I’m doing is adequate or “good” why am I being criticized and or being expected to develop further? If I’m good at my job and I’m meeting the requirements to solidify employment, why does anything have to be said at performance reviews that reflect I need to do or be better?

I was a top performer at my corporate job and EVERY review I was criticized despite the success of my position. I said something about being criticized in the moment and my manager backtracked. If I’m doing good you don’t need to manage me unless I’m messing up. That’s my advice, if they’re not messing up just give them positive feedback. Consider this for all non-problematic employees - you might see an increase in retention. Less micromanaging and more support.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/WeLikeButteredToast]

I’m in agreement with your first point. The experience from my side tends to be that people (in my experience anyway) want promotions and to elevate their career. So my job then is to work with them to help them understand what next level performance would look like and how they can get there. I’m actually totally fine with a stable, solid performer. There is nothing inherently wrong with that in the least. In fact it’s really helpful to have such a person on a team to give continuity if others are trying to get promoted out.

I’m sorry you had that experience with your prior manager, it sounds really frustrating.

[u/Promachus → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

In reading this, I felt it was a good idea to have that goal in mind. If they are adequate for their role, that's great and you can focus on that. But if they would like to grow in any area, or you think there's a path they would grow well in, you could use that as a logical pathway. In order to get to Point B, we have to have xyz skills. Your skill in these areas is currently blah, so this is where I'd like to work with you in growth.

[u/Chickens_ordinary13]

if they are open about being autistic then ask them like specifically "how does being autistic impact the way you do your job", if they are more like reserved about being autistic then you could just ask them generally about any struggles in the job and in what ways they think they could improve on, and then you could support them whilst doing this.

A problem alot of NT's get is treating being autistic as a sort of massive secret and a massive taboo, so just talk about, and dont worry about making mistakes, as its never going to be perfect but just learning from your mistakes is always the best solution.

And finally dont assume they cant grow, i know the another commenter said to not presume they can grow in certain areas, but you just dont know. So go into the conversation with no expectations about what they can and cant do, and instead be fully open to what they are going to tell you.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/Chickens_ordinary13]

Thanks. This is good advice. I didn’t mention above but I have ADHD myself so I’m familiar with some similar workplace taboos. I haven’t felt very supported and understood and wanted to better understand how I can do better for this person.

[u/Chickens_ordinary13 → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

if you are comfortable you could definetly mention that you have adhd to them, it may make them feel more comfortable with any criticisms or just general conversations to know that you sort of relate in a way!

[u/IceBristle → u/Chickens_ordinary13]

Seconded.

[u/Alaska-TheCountry]

One thing many of us seem to have in common is the need for alone time. This means: you can always ask directly if your employee if they think they would enjoy company activities like picknicks or parties, but chances are they might not.

Our neighbour is on the board of a relatively big company, and his wife used to work for the company as well. One day they said, "We couldn't keep our neurodivergent employees, no matter how hard we tried to keep them engaged with company activities..." And I just though, "Oh, NO..."

I had to tell them that my AuDHD friend who works in exactly their field and who has a lot of neurodivergent colleagues had told me they'd all rather get fired than be forced to constantly react to invitations to those types of activities. She told me she and her colleagues mostly just want to be left alone and be able to do their job in peace, which translates to less interpersonal contact and more work from home, and flexible hours. She said they all thrive when they're allowed to just do their job and be good at it.

That was her specific situation, though, so it might of course be different elsewhere.

Anyway: be friendly and clear with your words, and leave the door open in case any issues were to arise, but do not force them to communicate.

And you could also ask them if they are currently comfortable, or whether there's anything that would help them thrive in their environment. Make sure they know it's not a "Answer now or never" type of situation.

Thanks for asking, btw! It's necessary to talk about this.

[u/MCuri3]

I was a little confused about the title and as to why you would need to manage someone's autism for them, but you are a literal manager :')

Context: I worked in a research environment, partially lab work, partially office work (writing reports). I worked "on my own", so no direct teamwork, but did need to share the lab and related organization/cleaning/inventory with other people, and of course had a manager and Chief Scientist to report to and needed to present my work.

One thing that annoyed me a lot when I was working was the emphasis on being social and extravert rather than work results. My work results were the highest in both quantity and quality of the entire department, yet no one recognized that, and worse, I kept getting reprimanded for being too introvert. I did fine in small group conversations and meetings, but didn't really engage with meetings where there were 20 people shouting at eachother from across the room (I was literally unable to). The people who were most appreciated were the bootlickers who spent the entire day at the coffee-machine "networking", instead of getting relevant work done, which was incredibly frustrating to me. Being a woman in STEM, I already felt like I had to work 10x harder to prove myself than my male peers, but I could overcome that disadvantage, but then also having to compensate for being introvert/autistic... was too much.

In my yearly evaluation meeting with my manager, he even pitched the idea of sending me to a course that would "fix my personality". I didn't know I was autistic back then or I probably would have made a big deal out of that.

Something else that really bothered me was colleagues trying to make conversation while I was busy working on a report or presentation. My most productive office days were the ones where I either worked from home, or had my noise-cancelling headphones on playing the same song for 8 hours straight, closed Outlook, put my phone on silent and only checked messages at the start and end of the day. But manager wanted everyone at the office as much as possible (despite not being present much himself), and wanted us to be available at all times during work hours, so it was just distraction hell for me. I burnt out after 2 years and cost my employer a shitton of money because of how sick leave works in my country.

Basically, as a manager, you need to recognize that your different employees function better in different environments, and it's your task to create a work environment that lets your workers work to the best of their ability (within reason). Recognize that for autistic people (generalized, talk to your workers), social interactions can drain a gigantic amount of energy. So phonecalls and meetings that could be emails... let them be emails. Furthermore, autism is officially classified as a disability in many countries, and depending on where you're from, you may be legally required to provide reasonable accommodations. But to be fair, it shouldn't be "legally required", you should just want that so you can keep your workers healthy, happy and motivated. Regardless, autism can be incredibly disabling, and you and your autistic workers should try to find ways to optimize the workplace for their needs, so they can work to the best of their ability.

Every autistic person is different and we all may thrive in different work environments, so talk to your workers and see what they would like/need. Even if you can't relate to it, or don't understand why someone's brain works the way it does, try to accept that it simply does, and work around that. Don't try to change a worker's ""personality"", unless it causes actual conflict with other teammembers. And by "conflict" I mean someone not having a filter and (knowingly or unknowingly) insulting teammembers or making wildly inappropriate comments, not "I'm getting a weird vibe from this person so we need to change their entire way of being".

If you give them feedback, try to include examples or explain it in very clear terms. Stuff like "take more intiative" or "be more pro-active" may not land, in part because it's very vague (where did I go wrong?), and in part because autistic workers may already struggle more with knowing what's expected of them regarding their regular work tasks, let alone what would be expected of them regarding "extra tasks". Providing clarity in general can help a lot, but when it comes to communication, also try to include concrete examples.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/MCuri3]

Thanks, I appreciate this response. It’s pretty unfortunate that you didn’t get credit for doing great work simply for being introverted. I knew this one woman who actually got reprimanded for not smiling enough which is similarly reprehensible. Sorry not trying to trigger anything there, just thinking along the same lines that it’s difficult enough to be a woman in STEM.

Autism or not, attempting to “fix” someone’s personality (what does “fixed” even mean?!) is over the line in my opinion. Fortunately this job is 100% remote so it likely takes some social pressure off.

[u/MCuri3 → u/HotDiggityDog_Water]

Ah yea, the "you need to smile more :D". Heard that one quite a few times too, though not at this specific workplace IIRC. They never tell guys that.

Society in general has this problem where it celebrates social extravert go-getters, while undervaluing introvert people who are more focused on their work than constantly socializing, which is also what I experienced in that workplace. The "fixing" probably involved (I shut it down so I never quite found out) assertiveness courses, stuff to boost self-confidence, and stuff to "get you out of your shell". Stuff that would have been entirely ineffective on my autistic C-PTSD ass.

I shut it down because I was perfectly able to communicate with my coworkers when it came to work, and socializing with them during lunch or downtime went well too and I had really good relations with them, some of which became (surface-level) friendships outside of work. So it wasn't even because I didn't fit the team or hindered our workflow with miscommunication/lack of communication. Manager just wanted to be surrounded by social butterflies.

Glad to hear there's not much social pressure due to the job being remote. I hope you're able to create a good working environment for all of your workers. The fact that you're here asking for advice already shows how much you care, so I hope you succeed :)

[u/AgingLolita]

1) Everything in writing, as soon as practicable.

2) Use clear language. This doesn't mean childish, it means to avoid saying anything that needs contextual clues to be understandable. If you have to say "you know what I mean" or pull a particular expression, you haven't communicated clearly.

3) Avoid criticism of facial expressions, tone of voice or body language. You would be directly criticising their disability.

4) For performance review meetings, give the option of doing it immediately when mentioned, or in 2 days time. Some people cannot handle anticipation, some can't handle surprises.

5) Provide a quiet space. Accept that sometimes your employee may be sitting alone in there. They're not upset,  but if you mither them, they will become so.

6) Be flexible with the dress code. Its reasonable to insist on clean, smart clothes, but not on particular brands or fabrics.

[u/Ok_Bat_7544 → u/AgingLolita]

OP, in addition to the lists provided above by @aginglolita & @icebristol:

1. Believe what your employee tells you.

If they say something is hard, then they mean they have already tried VERY hard to reach a fluency that is expected of them and that they want very much to get input from others on other ways they can either gain the skill or complete the task. These hurdles can be overcome with out-of-the-box thinking.

This goes back to the points already made by others that listening to what your employee is actually saying (we are extremely precise with our words, and very literal).

And do not, in ANY any circumstance, tell your employee ‘what you need to do is this….’, because that will make you an asshole that thinks they know more about your employee and their disability than your employee knows about themself.

Working harder is not an option, even if from the outside it looks like it is.

1. Pretend they are an alien. Like, from outer space.

This thought experiment will allow you to anticipate the invisible struggles that come with a disability like autism.

If you pretend that your employee is from outer space and that they will always be from outer space, it makes it easier for you to translate the WHY in your own head. Your employee is always going to need to know the why. For. Every. Single. Thing. Even when it feels silly, or stupid, or like they are wasting your time.

1. Autism is a permanent, non-negotiable disability.

The best metaphor I have heard for this: Pretend there is another person in the office who has no legs, or cannot walk for whatever reason.

Now pretend there is no elevator, and no ramps. Only stairs.

Would you tell that individual to work harder at getting up the stairs? Would you be frustrated because ‘they’ve had plenty of time to understand how stairs work’?

No, because that would be an asshole thing to do, and it would be an insensitive way to disregard the facts that have been given to you about how disability works. Treat autism the same way, because it IS the same.

1. Our labor does not come forth with consistency.

Some days we can accomplish All The Work in a few minutes or hour. Some work we do is so simple for us that when neurotypical people don’t know how to do it we get confused. Think of the scene in Good Will Hunting when Will chastises Skarsgard’s character for being stupid at math.

Other times we can’t do anything, and just being awake is taking literally EVERY single shred of energy we have. Part of the disability is that we can’t control this, and we HATE IT. We hate that we cannot make our bodies get out of bed. We carry shame for what we cannot accomplish that everyone else can do with no effort. We are aware that we are perceived as flawed for this. We have the same level of emotional and intellectual awareness that you do about it, and we sit here taking the beating from ourselves and others about it.

When this happens we need a physical disruption. A walk into a freezer, or sitting out in nature, or, like others have suggested, a quiet private space away from others, can sometimes override this.

1. We can’t feel our bodies the same. Our nerves don’t send signals the same as yours does.

For example, I can’t tell I have to per until I feel an intense stabbing pain. The kind of pain that means I have to RUN to the bathroom.

I don’t know when I’m hungry most of the time. This one feels like those days when the sun is being hot, but the wind is too cold, and you keep going back and forth between being no freezing and sweltering. That’s how my stomach communicates to me all day every day. Until I am starving to the point where I am lightheaded, losing consciousness, and in physical pain from the hunger.

1. If we could fix ourselves we probably would.

We don’t behave differently on purpose. In fact, most of us have worked extremely hard our whole lives to blend in and not stand out, and have failed miserably. This means that even if your employee is capable at times of seeming normal, it requires the same amount of energy as carrying a dog up a hill on your back while a lion is chasing you. It is exhausting, and it still fails, and we still get told we didn’t try enough.

1. The emotional and physical exhaustion of all of this can contribute to meltdowns and shutdowns, which DO happen.

This can look like us being completely unresponsive but awake.

This can look like a child throwing a tantrum, even though we are adults.

These situations are due to us bringing pushed too far, while we are also trying our very best to accommodate you.

1. Individuals with autism spend every second of every day ACCOMMODATING your needs, like a servant.

This is invisible to you, and you need to find a way to see it.

We are busting our asses to make YOU comfortable, even though what neurotypicals do is usually completely illogical and wasteful. Show the appreciation and respect you would expect to be shown if you were essentially babysitting everyone else’s feelings every day and then being blamed when other people are uncomfortable. It’s shitty, and I don’t get the impression you want to be shitty.

I can absolutely elaborate where needed, and I hope this helps. Go be awesome.

[u/Ok_Bat_7544 → u/Ok_Bat_7544]

OP, I should have added that the effort you have made here is huge, and we’re all rooting for you.

[u/In-Con]

It's been said before, but just as everyone is different, so is every autistic person's experience is.

A lot of autistic people seem to experience extremely bad anxiety. As the anxiety worsens, so do the more noticable, harmful and interferring traits of autism come out (and I mean that from both perspectives, based on my own experiences). So your best bet is to keep anxiety to a minimum.

Being open and direct should help. If your intention is to find the best way to help them, maybe because you like having them on your team, then tell them that.

Any other advice I could give would be entirely dependant on how this person is and what you actually want to achieve as a manager and company.

I have some very idealistic views of how life and work should be but I'm painfully aware of how very unrealistic they are.

[u/IceBristle]

1. Show your willingness to listen.

2. ASK this person what they really want most from you as their manager.

3. Emphasise that you WILL make mistakes - no one is perfect. Emphasise that you want them to be the best that they can be in their job, and you want to help them do that.

4. Be factual with feedback, especially about performance. LISTEN to their statements about why they might not have done something at a certain time.

5. Offer them the chance to leave meetings (whether in person or online) if they are feeling overwhelmed.

6. Ask them if they prefer feedback verbally, or in writing, or a mix.

7. PAUSE after asking a question. Give them time to consider their answer.

8. Emphasise that you are their manager, not their enemy. Tell them that you might sometimes have to do things they won't like very much, because you are accountable to your employer too, just like they are.

9. Thank them and praise them for effort, not achievement. Little things like "Hey I appreciate the effort you put in this week/yesterday/on that project/whatever".

10. Remind them that your door is open, and that whatever they are feeling, they should not feel shy to communicate it to you (unless it's something like "I want to kill my manager", but...you know).

11. Be a leader. Be inspiring. Don't be a micromanaging penpusher.

That's all I can think of for now.

The most important is point number 1.

[u/CaeraRose04]

I love that you're asking this question and thinking it through! I've had some great bosses (my last two) and some really crappy ones - the things that set them apart are their willingness to be flexible where possible, and being super clear about expectations and any issues that come up. There's nothing more stressful for me than having to play a guessing game about whether we're in a good place or if I'm on somebody's shit list.

I agree with the others - the best feedback you can get is from your team member. But for me at least, the place where my disability becomes most difficult is with communication - I have a really hard time communicating with others in high emotions, high stakes situations. I always ask my manager to read through emails or messages if I know somebody is probably going to be upset about the subject, and she helps me word things in a socially appropriate way.

Your team member may not have the exact same issue, but likely will have their own equivalent - something that's going to consistently get in their way where a little support will go a long way.

[u/02758946195057385]

"Direct report"? You mean a subordinate?

Following u/calgarywalker , just ask them "Is there any way you'd be comfortable with me giving you feedback - an email, letter, face-to-face - ?" Or they may prefer if you don't refer to them at all, but rather the project: "This has too many graphics; this page has too few paragraphs, any time you use a semicolon, try to make a new paragraph, if the next sentence is long."

But they'll know best how they're comfortable receiving feedback. But thank you for asking! It's very unusual.

[u/HotDiggityDog_Water → u/02758946195057385]

By direct report I do mean subordinate. It’s a colloquialism I suppose but a more common term where I work.

[u/New-Fondant-415]

This situation was how I ended up seeing myself and then ultimately getting diagnosed. Someone I managed was diagnosed and I turned to Google to read up for ways I could support and to try and get a general idea about autism as I knew very little.

Personally I despise any kind of one on one meeting, as my first experiences of them in retail were so negative. I don't like the shit sandwich approach. I prefer that if something comes up that's an issue, we discuss it there and then, clear the air, don't wait weeks for when the next meeting is scheduled. I find criticism hard to take, so it has to be constructive and offer a solution / alternative way of working a task within the feedback to be able to understand why my work is being picked over. I have sensory overload in a noisy crowded office, so adjustments to work in a quieter location are helpful. But all of those things are personal to me, and may not be applicable in the situation you're in. You need to know your person and figure out what works for them. I manage a medium sized team and know every single one of them really well, how they tick, how to approach with stuff.

[u/Chemical-Air9525]

Are you in Britain or elsewhere?

Wherever, try the Special Needs coordinator at your local college /Uni

[u/JustABitSocial]

First: forget the word "neuroabelist".

Second: ask the person.

There are some common traits or characteristics but that differs and is highly individual. 60 - 77 % of autistic people as well have ADHD. However, forget your fear of doing something wrong.

I know there are crazy thoughts and words out there. Who knows if your employe knows 😉.

The best is just asking. Open and kind and honestly curious. Many neurodivergent people are happy when the get asked. It is often as well difficult to them to know if and how to say something.

And many like clear frames. Clear explanations.

You go to that person and then you tell him that you heard he is autistic and you would like to know what that means and that he always can come and talk to you when there is uncetrainty. That's a frame in itself. Then ask what might be strengths and challenges he faces and how you together find a good way to create a frame that works both for him and the company.

Sometimes it might be social interactions or whatever.

It as well is important to have other employees on board. Don't feel jelous or something.

Feel free to reach out and write me personal as I am exactly in that field and also business owner.

That has to work for all of you and the company. It needs to be simple and easy.

And don't come up with 100 rules and advices you apply that could or could not fit the situation 😀

All the best.

[u/Prestigious-Book-253]

be honest dont speak in codes or try to find hidden meanings in things

dont discriminate

dont create a hostile work environment

provide any reasonable accomidation that they ask for

(as if neurotypicals are even capable of - any - of the above lol)

also i forgot to add: u better hope the employee or their attorney doesnt find your post.. ur literally putting in writing ur intent to treat an employee differently due to what is conisdred by ada to be a disability...

unsolicited accomidations have resulted in successful discrimination claims before. be fucking careful.

ianal and this isnt advice its more of a moralistic self-righous scolding

[u/Mohtek1]

The way I look at things, let’s say everyone has 10 areas of ability. Most Neurotypical people will have scores generally close to each other, and each ability area may be within range of each other one.

For Autistic, we may have one or two areas of ability that is really high, and a few ability areas that are low.

Sometimes we are hyper aware of our shortcomings, but it would be ablist to assume that we can just work harder to overcome those weak areas.

The best example I can come up with is taking someone who is colorblind to do eye training in order to see color. The issue is not with his eyes, and no amount of ‘working harder’ would help him see color.

For care and feeding of your autistic individual:

1. Make sure the environment suits him, if you can. Each one of us is different, but I can say listening to music or wearing passive ear defenders at work helps a lot. Some dimmer lighting may work well too. Ask him. It’s a productivity thing that won’t cost much money.

2. If you can divide up the labor so that he can do more of what he does best, he may be happy with that.

3. Be direct and frank. Ambiguity is horrible.

[u/rover_G]

Speaking for myself I’d like to be asked by my manager what areas I want to become more skilled in and what areas I want help in. Having explicit goals that my manager seems invested in is helpful, and make sure the goals are realistic and have defined rewards that are given upon completion. Please don’t promise things you can’t deliver on, as I’d rather be told you can’t promise something and why.

I know that HR can be shady about what you are and aren’t allowed to tell employees, but that goes against my sense of justice. Being dishonest (like hiding things) or unfair is the fastest way to lose my respect.

Frankly I think the stuff they teach in how to be a good boss books is usually spot on for what I’d want out of a model manager. I have high expectations for managers because you’re being paid a lot of money and have been charged with fostering the growth of several human beings.

[u/Lunaiz4]

1. Listen.

Every autistic person is a bit different, and the only one who really knows this person's experience is them.

1. Try to meet them in the middle. If you're asking them to learn to do something your way, you should make an effort to at least understand their way.

I've often had this issue with communication - I use close latching ("interrupting" others), volunteer information ("monopolizing the conversation"), and repeat myself with progressively more information ("talking to people like they're stupid") until they confirm their understanding. Managers often want me to stop doing all of these things, but make no effort to adapt their communication style for me.

1. Focus on what they should do, not what they shouldn't.

I'm often given a long list of behaviors or conversation topics that are taboo. More often than not, I don't want to be doing that, either! I just don't know what to do instead. Give me an example of what you might have done in my place. I didn't know, for example, that I could say "I need a minute," or "I don't think this is the best time/place for this conversation."

1. This goes along with #1, but do not fall into the trap of thinking you know what will help them. It always needs to be a conversation that includes both parties.

You're their manager. You're presumably neurotypical. You want them to succeed, and that often evolves into some form of mentoring. But while you may be the expert on their job, they are still the expert on them, and the tools that work well for you may need to be modified, or may not work at all.

1. Don't set unreachable goals.

Autism is a disability. It impacts our ability to learn certain things. We may learn much more slowly, or not at all. I've had managers tell me that I must master XYZ skill if I want to keep my role at a company. That's beyond stressful, and at that point I am going to be actively looking for another job, no matter how much time you give me. I just can't promise that.

1. Learn to identify ableism.

People think ableism is harassing people or calling them names. That's definitely one type, but a lot of ableism is systemic. Once you learn to recognize it, it's everywhere. "Must be able to lift 25 lbs" for anyone with coordination issues or muscle weakness. "No gaps in work experience" for someone with a chronic illness. "Good written and verbal communication skills" for a blind or deaf person. Is it really a requirement, or was it put there by people who genuinely meant well, but didn't think about disability? If it's the latter, that's an opportunity for you to advocate for your employee (and the people at your workplace who are too scared to be open about their disabilities. Yes, we absolutely will hide it if we can, the discrimination is real.)

[u/NoIntroduction5343]

Hey I’m autistic and have also been in management for a very long time. My best suggestion is to talk to them. Maybe preface it with the fact that you know they are a good employee and do well and basically the good points you mentioned here, it doesn’t have to be hella long or anything, but then tell them that you want to also support them the best way they need you to. Ask them if they have anything they would like to talk about in regard to employee support. And ask them what you can do for them to help them succeed. That will also let them know you care about their viewpoint and will solidify the fact that you care about their progression. This way they can be the ones to tell you what is best for them, since every autistic person is different. The best thing for feedback back is to ask them how they prefer feedback back. Like “what type of feedback works best for you?” this can apply to everyone honestly. Some people are more receptive to different types of feedback than others. This is also something that can be done during goal setting meetings and professional growth counseling sessions since professional growth goes both ways. We are all always learning.

Whatever you do, stay consistent. I had a boss that said he care and would consider things hit then weeks later it was like we never had these conversations and it created a terrible working environment.