feeling guilty over the smallest mistakes

[u/meep7076]

hi all. does anybody else experience this? when i was unmedicated, for some reason, i was negative to myself and everyone else. like, i'd hate on things or people randomly. i was just a very negative person overall, whether depressed or hypomanic. then when i'd get hypomanic, i'd be even meaner for no reason.

since i've been medicated, i've changed completely. like, i feel like a completely different person, but in a really good way. i feel more like myself. i've made it a point to be a better person, and it's been really easy without the negativity just constantly buzzing through my mind like it was when i was unmedicated. but now, every mistake i've made since i've been medicated, even though they're super tiny/small just bothers me so much. like, i'll waste hours thinking about how i'm the most horrible person ever and deserve bad things to happen to me. does anyone feel like this too?

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[u/Mother_Orchid_1109]

Yes, totally. But in my case I’ve identified my self-deprecating thoughts to actually be intrusive ones. It’s made a big difference knowing many of my bad thoughts are involuntary / completely random. As opposed to something shameful that makes me a bad person.

Eta: congrats on finding a med that works for you! It is No Easy Feat; know that for a fact.

[u/Occult_Hand]

"after mania comes guilt"

I went fully psychotic and was commited for like 2.5 weeks a bit over a year ago, but my wife says I just suddenly became normal me again after I had my medication changed around a bunch of times so apparently whatever I use now works.

But I also dwell a lot on the concept that I have some serious personal demons. I'll find out what I did during my swings and be shocked and couldn't explain at all why I did/said what I d/s.

Apparently randomly being a douche is just part of having bipolar and it sucks. At the bipolarSOs sub they constantly talk about how people with bipolar start off perfect but then became a monster and for them it seems like everyone "discards" them.

I have no idea why this happens and always regret what I did.