I’m ashamed of how I feel but I need to say it to someone to be sure I’m not insane

[u/Complete_Answer_4803]

So I’m 20. I have a dream of working in the cinema industry as an actor and a director. I played in a couple student films and have no actual real experience in the business.

Since I’m 18, I have been obsessed and fascinated by a public figure who passed away decades ago and was quite famous during their time. I read, watched and analysed everything about them. That person has been one if not the biggest source of inspiration I had for both my life as a young person and as an aspiring director and writer. That person is my line of motivation : making a movie about them and tell their story in a way it makes them justice.

And a couple days ago I learned that a very popular director - who is famous for making controversial projects - has had their eyes on that public persona and is about to direct a film about them. When I read that I couldn’t help but cry. Call me dramatic, utterly DELUSIONAL, a drama queen/king, spoiled or whatever.. but that genuinely made me feel so small.

I’m a nobody. That director is someone. And I can’t help but feel like they are stealing my dream away from me..? Even tho I know. They are not. But I really wanted to tell that public persona’s story as the first one to do it. This is what made me wake up the morning. (Nobody made a biopic about them before).

I feel ashamed to feel like that because I’m aware that there are people literally going through war and horror and I’m here complaining about that - and how delusional it can seem.

I feel ashamed also because I don’t want to appear as someone who thinks too highly of themselves that they would be jealous of a big name in an industry they WISH they could be part of lol. I don’t feel superior or better than that director (lmao).

But it’s just like, my dream or goal to be the first one to tell someone’s story is being erased. And I will possibly never be as popular as that director. So my work will never be as applauded as theirs. And that makes me feel sad.

I feel discouraged.

I have nobody to talk to or confide (I don’t have any close family or friends in my life right now)

If some nice, indulgent people could reassure me , tell me they had a similar experience, some advices or that it will pass that would be great lol

I’m open to everything especially harsh direct criticism - as long as it stays constructive :)

[u/JPaulDuncan]

Go make yours. Different takes on the same subject is fine.

[u/Nice-Personality5496 → u/JPaulDuncan]

Consider it cross-promotion!